(no subject)
I hate AA for who it made my dad become. I liked my dad for who he was, even though I hated him. My hate for him grew even more when he entered AA and became all spiritual-I thought he went nuts. He bought books like conversations with God and all that bullshit. He changed. I guess that's what happens when you sober up.
I'm afraid of what's going to happen to me when I give in fully to this program. Am I going to go nuts like my father did? Will my family hate me like my family hates me dad? Will I be outcasted? Just how much am I going to change? My father has become this AA guru and I hate it. Granted, he's on the marijuana maintenance program and is doing a lot of things wrong, but I still don't like the way he is behaving.
Back then I could've sworn AA was a cult. I told my friends that my dad was in a cult. He was a member of the westerville unity church and was even on the front page of the website holding hands with all the members-which meant that church just HAD to be a cult. Now I'm going to that church for AA meetings. Weird, right?
So here I am going to AA meetings then walking out half way through angrily, no real reason why. I'm so scared of giving in to this program. I don't know what its going to do to me. I'm scared of change. I don't like who I am but I'm okay with it. Happiness is just around the corner, am I ready for it?
They say to do the next right thing. I guess the next right thing would be to tell someone all of this, go to al-anon, and move on with my life. My fear is holding me back. I must conquer it.
That is all for now.
I'm afraid of what's going to happen to me when I give in fully to this program. Am I going to go nuts like my father did? Will my family hate me like my family hates me dad? Will I be outcasted? Just how much am I going to change? My father has become this AA guru and I hate it. Granted, he's on the marijuana maintenance program and is doing a lot of things wrong, but I still don't like the way he is behaving.
Back then I could've sworn AA was a cult. I told my friends that my dad was in a cult. He was a member of the westerville unity church and was even on the front page of the website holding hands with all the members-which meant that church just HAD to be a cult. Now I'm going to that church for AA meetings. Weird, right?
So here I am going to AA meetings then walking out half way through angrily, no real reason why. I'm so scared of giving in to this program. I don't know what its going to do to me. I'm scared of change. I don't like who I am but I'm okay with it. Happiness is just around the corner, am I ready for it?
They say to do the next right thing. I guess the next right thing would be to tell someone all of this, go to al-anon, and move on with my life. My fear is holding me back. I must conquer it.
That is all for now.