Nothing and Everything Changes
So much has happened since my last post. The biggest thing was my birthday. Despite my invitation, James was a no show. Maybe that was for the best, since in his absence, I got to listen to Sue talk about him. I don't remember how we got there, but she seemed to be implying (or maybe I was just inferring) that he cares a lot more about me than I realize. In fact, at one point, she really did say that James does care about me. Telling me that if it was Lucy or Colleen's bday he wouldn't be there. I think this is when I made a sweeping hand gesture and asked, "Do you see him here?"
Amazingly, she already knew about our fight that day in December and its cause the previous week- James had told her about it. I smiled when she said that she told him he was a jackass for yelling at me- because it was nice to know that someone had my back. I almost got the impression from her that I was a much discussed topic between the two of them.
Things are always a rollercoaster ride with James. Last Friday was a prime example of this- I was researching something, leaving messages- updating him as such. Ok response the first time, friendly response the second time (complete with a smile and a maybe-mocking thumbs up). I actually get an answer- and he's colder than the North Pole in a blizzard. Bizarre. This was after a semi-wonderful day with him.
I had a dream about James Tuesday night and had been looking for the right time to ask him about a key something from my dream. Because this didn't seem to be happening and this dream was on my mind, I dreamt Thursday night about telling James about my first dream. I knew that I had to get it out of my head. I, thankfully, was presented with a small window and took advantage of my opportunity for all it was worth. I asked him my question and got a reasonably long answer considering James is usually brief and vague. Every time I thought about asking him, I envisioned the answer being curt and always followed up with a "Why?" So when I got a brief silence after his response, my dream kind of rolled off my tongue. As usual, almost everything faded away as I walked along with James (another surprise, he let me set the pace instead of running away!!) and he did not make one comment about my dream. His mind may have still been reeling that I confessed to dreaming about him. Or he wasn't listening to me. Not really sure which, not sure it matters.
In addition to looking so damn delicious, he had to go and make me fall further in love with him. I melt at the way he loves and expresses his love for, his family. Combine that with his ability to write well, I curse the fates. This man is perfect for me and I cannot have him because he is my boss. I would never have met him any other way and if I had, probably not looked twice at him. Now, I cannot look away from him. This, of course, gets me caught watching him at least once a day, but I do catch him doing the same thing too. Right before he left Friday, he was in his office making some weird groaning noise. About 5 seconds later, he was walking away. I watched him go because: a) I almost always do- man's got a nice ass!, and b) I was trying to figure out if he hurt himself. Imagine my surprise when James looked over his shoulder and found me watching him walk away. He never looks back. What made him do it then?