Me and My Stupidity
It's so been awhile. I know damn well that no one reads these random bursts (including me after they've been posted), but I always feel the need to get whatever it is- out.
I made the mistake of attempting to friend James on Facebook. The fact that I was able to hold out for so long should be noted somewhere since I've known about it since before Thanksgiving and I waited almost 3 weeks. I thought everything was in line- James seemingly purposely mentioning his page within feet of me, James not closing down said Facebook page when I went to talk to him and could see the comp monitor very clearly, James and I appearing to be on friendly terms. How wrong I was.
I should point out that I've seriously shaken my crush on him. It only took 3 years, but who's counting? I was more than ready to settle into a friendship mode like I've got going on with his brother (who, more or less willingly, accepted my Facebook friend request). So after much hesitation and second-guessing myself, I made my attempt. My head already knew what the end result would likely be, but my heart was hoping to be wrong, because hope springs eternal.
Instead, I got exactly what I was expecting, with the added bonus of avoidance by James. He barely looked at me on Tuesday morning after leaving abruptly Monday, and it really was only today that he actually looked at me voluntarily. I understand that he may not want me to see certain aspects of his life and I thought I'd be ok with that. For the most part I am, but it took a couple days for the pain to sink in. It's like the final door has been slammed shut- there's no more ways out; I will never be friends with James. Because he doesn't want to be.
I made the mistake of attempting to friend James on Facebook. The fact that I was able to hold out for so long should be noted somewhere since I've known about it since before Thanksgiving and I waited almost 3 weeks. I thought everything was in line- James seemingly purposely mentioning his page within feet of me, James not closing down said Facebook page when I went to talk to him and could see the comp monitor very clearly, James and I appearing to be on friendly terms. How wrong I was.
I should point out that I've seriously shaken my crush on him. It only took 3 years, but who's counting? I was more than ready to settle into a friendship mode like I've got going on with his brother (who, more or less willingly, accepted my Facebook friend request). So after much hesitation and second-guessing myself, I made my attempt. My head already knew what the end result would likely be, but my heart was hoping to be wrong, because hope springs eternal.
Instead, I got exactly what I was expecting, with the added bonus of avoidance by James. He barely looked at me on Tuesday morning after leaving abruptly Monday, and it really was only today that he actually looked at me voluntarily. I understand that he may not want me to see certain aspects of his life and I thought I'd be ok with that. For the most part I am, but it took a couple days for the pain to sink in. It's like the final door has been slammed shut- there's no more ways out; I will never be friends with James. Because he doesn't want to be.