Weather Wins Again
The biggest part of getting over James came from an unexpected source- James himself.
Due to some of my actions, James was forced to be a jerk to me. This turned out to be blessing in disguise because it gave me cause to stop looking at him, completely. Not looking into (or anywhere near) those amazing blue eyes allowed me to forget what I was thought I was feeling. For close to a month, I did not meet James' eyes for anything. Then, one crazy weather day changed that.
The wild weather must have stirred things up- things I thought I had buried. I had an amazing conversation with James' brother and was a little giddy because of it. I told myself it was because I could actually talk to this man because he cared about me, unlike James. That I didn't have to pry in order to get out personal information because it was being volunteered. That he would talk to me because he valued my thoughts and opinions. But like all my conversations with this guy, I wondered how much of what we speak of gets back to James.
Then, right as James leaving, the weather goes from worst to "we should get away from the windows" horrific. I walked around trying to ascertain his safety. When I could not find him, I hoped that he was somewhere safe. I was surprised and really relieved to see him round the corner. James walked past me, over to the windows. After being satisfied with the goings-on outside, he turned and looked at me. I don't know what compelled me to hold his gaze, but it felt good after my self-imposed exile. As usual, I felt like he and I were alone and that he held my glance for longer than the situation called for. Was he reading the relief in my eyes? Or was he just amazed that I would meet his eyes after avoiding them for so long and trying to make up for lost time?
The next day, James was out of town. That enabled me to make sure that things went back down avoidance lane. Except that look incited a few lingering feelings.
Due to some of my actions, James was forced to be a jerk to me. This turned out to be blessing in disguise because it gave me cause to stop looking at him, completely. Not looking into (or anywhere near) those amazing blue eyes allowed me to forget what I was thought I was feeling. For close to a month, I did not meet James' eyes for anything. Then, one crazy weather day changed that.
The wild weather must have stirred things up- things I thought I had buried. I had an amazing conversation with James' brother and was a little giddy because of it. I told myself it was because I could actually talk to this man because he cared about me, unlike James. That I didn't have to pry in order to get out personal information because it was being volunteered. That he would talk to me because he valued my thoughts and opinions. But like all my conversations with this guy, I wondered how much of what we speak of gets back to James.
Then, right as James leaving, the weather goes from worst to "we should get away from the windows" horrific. I walked around trying to ascertain his safety. When I could not find him, I hoped that he was somewhere safe. I was surprised and really relieved to see him round the corner. James walked past me, over to the windows. After being satisfied with the goings-on outside, he turned and looked at me. I don't know what compelled me to hold his gaze, but it felt good after my self-imposed exile. As usual, I felt like he and I were alone and that he held my glance for longer than the situation called for. Was he reading the relief in my eyes? Or was he just amazed that I would meet his eyes after avoiding them for so long and trying to make up for lost time?
The next day, James was out of town. That enabled me to make sure that things went back down avoidance lane. Except that look incited a few lingering feelings.