(no subject)
and I screamed at the top of my lungs, WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!?!?!
not two minutes after the fact. and. and. why are you making an effort to talk to me?!?!? effort. wait. no. hardly effort. why are you thinking that you can just be casual in your let's-waste-time-on-the-internet escapades with me?!?!!?!
why must you all keep fucking with my head?!? why am I allowing myself to be so affected by such transitory bullshit?!?
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
I did NOT want to digress. I REFUSE to digress!
I REFUSE to... fuck I have to write a paper tonight.
fuck.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
no. wait. desiree. this is perfect. you will digress. you ARE moving backwards. stop. stop now. before you fall further back there. you know what things must be done. so do them.
ok. but fuck.
know that he is heartless. know that the other one is clueless. know that the other one still is cowardly. know that that the last was beautiful but cruel.
know that they were all beautiful. that they all could have been so fucking beautiful... but they lost it. some before it even started.
so stop. stop looking. stop remembering. stop longing.
and start. manic. manic. panic. focus. push. drive. fight.
fucking fight.
you're worth it.
I have to be worth it.
not two minutes after the fact. and. and. why are you making an effort to talk to me?!?!? effort. wait. no. hardly effort. why are you thinking that you can just be casual in your let's-waste-time-on-the-internet escapades with me?!?!!?!
why must you all keep fucking with my head?!? why am I allowing myself to be so affected by such transitory bullshit?!?
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
I did NOT want to digress. I REFUSE to digress!
I REFUSE to... fuck I have to write a paper tonight.
fuck.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
no. wait. desiree. this is perfect. you will digress. you ARE moving backwards. stop. stop now. before you fall further back there. you know what things must be done. so do them.
ok. but fuck.
know that he is heartless. know that the other one is clueless. know that the other one still is cowardly. know that that the last was beautiful but cruel.
know that they were all beautiful. that they all could have been so fucking beautiful... but they lost it. some before it even started.
so stop. stop looking. stop remembering. stop longing.
and start. manic. manic. panic. focus. push. drive. fight.
fucking fight.
you're worth it.
I have to be worth it.