well shit fuck damn hell fuck
well once again one of the many ex girls that have graced my heart is engaged to the ex that said "i will never marry you cuz of your kid" ya word for word well that is to what i heard but it dosnt hold much weight i think i was the pawn in her game to make him understand or the whole jelousy angel that the fucking race with a vagina plays...you know after a horrid 18 hour day at work i get this thrown at me....suprise your life sucks....as to much of the constint complaining and random depression and self hatred i did have 2 of the greatest dates (hope she called them the same) in the world it was everything i could ever ask of one... no stop in conversation no stop in laughter..and the repetive use of the word "fuck" in all past and present tense....in all my pesimistic ways this too will ither A)she wants to be friends or B)its all in my head as to pertaining to it being good
my thoughts are not the greatest due to a complete mental break down 2 weeks ago thank gawd i drank a ton that night that a hand full of pills were not washed down with a glass of gin..i lie and tell everyone that i dont belive in meds due to the fact that i will probly try once again and OD on them...this is my life why do i hate myself and get soo worked up over all my failures if it pertains to work school relationships....i do not have what everyone else has the ablity to forget or accpet the fact that this is all bullshit that everything that you have is shit nothing matters we are dust in the making that nothing matters but what you could have or what you think you have....................hate is what i have and it is what i will become..everyone has this perspective that im soo loving and caring and sensitive...i have nothing but hate regret pity remorse vanity guilt pain suffering torment..i have been able to live life with all this hidden and portay myself as a wonderfull person i cry soo much inside i have been able to hold that in every now and again i have a tear slip out....if two or more look out the flood gates have opened and you might be able to see and hear how i rly feel...this is all a chain of events that seem to make me a fucking wreck i will become someone that ppl hate or hate what i have done
my thoughts are not the greatest due to a complete mental break down 2 weeks ago thank gawd i drank a ton that night that a hand full of pills were not washed down with a glass of gin..i lie and tell everyone that i dont belive in meds due to the fact that i will probly try once again and OD on them...this is my life why do i hate myself and get soo worked up over all my failures if it pertains to work school relationships....i do not have what everyone else has the ablity to forget or accpet the fact that this is all bullshit that everything that you have is shit nothing matters we are dust in the making that nothing matters but what you could have or what you think you have....................hate is what i have and it is what i will become..everyone has this perspective that im soo loving and caring and sensitive...i have nothing but hate regret pity remorse vanity guilt pain suffering torment..i have been able to live life with all this hidden and portay myself as a wonderfull person i cry soo much inside i have been able to hold that in every now and again i have a tear slip out....if two or more look out the flood gates have opened and you might be able to see and hear how i rly feel...this is all a chain of events that seem to make me a fucking wreck i will become someone that ppl hate or hate what i have done