dear self, it's time to take action.
funny how my own words echo back and cut me to the core. this stuff that I wrote awhile back is exactly what I need to integrate into my behavior.
"...I realized that I had the power. the only way I would be able to have a non-guilty conscience would be to not let guys be so physical with me, no matter what it took.
... I've realized how important it is to let that boundary be set in place for every relationship I have with a guy. I have noooo desire to find a great guy, start dating him, and have him meet/know a bunch of guy friends I have who I have allowed myself to get too comfortable with. All things are lawful, but not all things are beneficial... I don't want to have to change my relationships with friends just because I start dating someone. the fact is that I DON'T NEED to be physical with guys... I don't need to sit around, having a guy's head in my lap, cuddling, and basically, I don't need to have thoughts and scenarios invading my mind when it's totally unnecessary.
I've so realized that even if I have to make things awkward, that's what it takes. (guy) friends will get over having physicality not reciprocated, but I might still be thinking about it hours later if it happens, and God always knows what I do anyway. if it takes making myself and another person awkward to please God, then that's what I need to do. it's not the end of the world... it's just a matter of drawing the line somewhere."
"...I realized that I had the power. the only way I would be able to have a non-guilty conscience would be to not let guys be so physical with me, no matter what it took.
... I've realized how important it is to let that boundary be set in place for every relationship I have with a guy. I have noooo desire to find a great guy, start dating him, and have him meet/know a bunch of guy friends I have who I have allowed myself to get too comfortable with. All things are lawful, but not all things are beneficial... I don't want to have to change my relationships with friends just because I start dating someone. the fact is that I DON'T NEED to be physical with guys... I don't need to sit around, having a guy's head in my lap, cuddling, and basically, I don't need to have thoughts and scenarios invading my mind when it's totally unnecessary.
I've so realized that even if I have to make things awkward, that's what it takes. (guy) friends will get over having physicality not reciprocated, but I might still be thinking about it hours later if it happens, and God always knows what I do anyway. if it takes making myself and another person awkward to please God, then that's what I need to do. it's not the end of the world... it's just a matter of drawing the line somewhere."