and there is beer at every store
So, I have arrived in Portland. I just got off of the phone with dearest Maeri. I am a little bit on freak out mode. I feel great, everything is great. Some part of me is upset though. I feel inferior to all of the fancy, stylized, rich ways that it seems Portland has surrounded me with. In some ways, I feel like I was warned. As many bad things as good things were told to me when I mentioned to people I was moving out here. One person in Duluth said she lived in Portland for a few months and that the "people in Portland tried so hard to look cool, they looked retarded..." I can sort of see what she meant. I know that I am located in a more upscale area right now and there is certainly a lot more to see than this in Portland. My school is in this trendy area though so I will be over here often. It is happy and fine, I am fine. I feel like a small town girl though suddenly. Part of me wants to yell, "Where is IGA? Where is Maurices? Where is Ben Franklin?" No, there will be none of that. It keeps going through my head that I am in a place now where I feel inadequate even in the way I dress and I feel like I can go to a school here to design and make things? How could I possibly compete? How is it possible that any idea I have would be wanted in this world? Everything is already out there. Everything I like is on the shelves already and it is staring at me knowingly and the clerks are staring at me like, How dare you enter this fancy store?