Birthday blues
Tomorrow is my birthday... the 23rd... of August... yeah...
I'm in more pain then ever... I live with my dad again and I babysit grandma all day long and work back at Pizza Slut only here I'm getting payed more for nothing... but that's not the issue... My head is... my old time headaches are coming back...
I'm depressed... very depressed and I feel I have no one to talk too.... no one may even read this because I haven't been on... I just left... I feel bad... very bad... more sad then anything for forgetting the most important thing in the world... my friends... some say I'm in jail... others say I have a warrant out for my arrest... and even I have heard that I killed an ex... no heres the truth...
I quit my job after my boy-friend Doug, called in a fix. "My mother is threatening to send my back to the program. I can't go back. She's gone nuts... Baby please, what should I do?" and I said out of complete thought... "I want to go home, let's get out of this county..."-well... it was a little more like... "Well what do you think you should do..." "Run away, I know that... I'm not going back, I vowed I wouldn't... I hafta get out of this county!"
Come on! He was soo innocent... then I suggested my fathers house because he would help I knew it...
and he did...
After we left I knew he would have a warrant for violating Probation. We sorta started out fine until we fought. He was off his meds... and so was I... but I have been for a lot longer... I don't need pills... I really just need a place to lay my head... or at least my thoughts... this is why I have a journal...
Anyways... he got arrested... I went up north... saw him in these cuffs from hell... like he was dangerous.... the same boy that I slept next too... all wrapped in chains... he couldn't hit a fly off a wall. I know... even when he got mad he'd just take a walk... and feel better... come home to me and I'd make him laugh... talk it out and laugh some more... I miss his cute face... I miss him... god am I lonely... he was always right here... right next to me... I haven't heard from him in weeks... I just feel like he died... ripped from my heart where the whole is...
ever since that day of his arrest, I had the worst of luck... I found out why he was pulled over...(cocaine smuggling :Which there wasn't any:) was raided at my cousin's house(I was going out to dinner...) Found out I was being watched and other pointless shit that I don't care about... and drank for 5 days straight to keep whatever little pain I had from getting into my brain...
Now to a good old friend of mine I'm a lair... fuck this... my birthday is now in 1 hour and 39 minutes... but I never really get the ideal birthday anyways... I have had one very good party... up north... and now I'm down here... fuck me... I just need to vent and a journal is a good way to confess the things we shall not say and point out the obvious that we dare not see... so really... I maynot have needed the time to understand my reasons for doing shit... but I have yet to see a lesson...
Well I wanted my friends to call me... hopefully you'll get my number... my new cell that is and hey cheer me up abit. I miss everyone so much in Rockledge and others...
Well K.I.T 954 638 0116
Class of O5, strongest alive...
D33R FACE
I'm in more pain then ever... I live with my dad again and I babysit grandma all day long and work back at Pizza Slut only here I'm getting payed more for nothing... but that's not the issue... My head is... my old time headaches are coming back...
I'm depressed... very depressed and I feel I have no one to talk too.... no one may even read this because I haven't been on... I just left... I feel bad... very bad... more sad then anything for forgetting the most important thing in the world... my friends... some say I'm in jail... others say I have a warrant out for my arrest... and even I have heard that I killed an ex... no heres the truth...
I quit my job after my boy-friend Doug, called in a fix. "My mother is threatening to send my back to the program. I can't go back. She's gone nuts... Baby please, what should I do?" and I said out of complete thought... "I want to go home, let's get out of this county..."-well... it was a little more like... "Well what do you think you should do..." "Run away, I know that... I'm not going back, I vowed I wouldn't... I hafta get out of this county!"
Come on! He was soo innocent... then I suggested my fathers house because he would help I knew it...
and he did...
After we left I knew he would have a warrant for violating Probation. We sorta started out fine until we fought. He was off his meds... and so was I... but I have been for a lot longer... I don't need pills... I really just need a place to lay my head... or at least my thoughts... this is why I have a journal...
Anyways... he got arrested... I went up north... saw him in these cuffs from hell... like he was dangerous.... the same boy that I slept next too... all wrapped in chains... he couldn't hit a fly off a wall. I know... even when he got mad he'd just take a walk... and feel better... come home to me and I'd make him laugh... talk it out and laugh some more... I miss his cute face... I miss him... god am I lonely... he was always right here... right next to me... I haven't heard from him in weeks... I just feel like he died... ripped from my heart where the whole is...
ever since that day of his arrest, I had the worst of luck... I found out why he was pulled over...(cocaine smuggling :Which there wasn't any:) was raided at my cousin's house(I was going out to dinner...) Found out I was being watched and other pointless shit that I don't care about... and drank for 5 days straight to keep whatever little pain I had from getting into my brain...
Now to a good old friend of mine I'm a lair... fuck this... my birthday is now in 1 hour and 39 minutes... but I never really get the ideal birthday anyways... I have had one very good party... up north... and now I'm down here... fuck me... I just need to vent and a journal is a good way to confess the things we shall not say and point out the obvious that we dare not see... so really... I maynot have needed the time to understand my reasons for doing shit... but I have yet to see a lesson...
Well I wanted my friends to call me... hopefully you'll get my number... my new cell that is and hey cheer me up abit. I miss everyone so much in Rockledge and others...
Well K.I.T 954 638 0116
Class of O5, strongest alive...
D33R FACE