Late night rant
Arrgh...what is the deal? People are starting to bore me again... seriously I don't know what the problem is and its annoying.
Maybe my views on life aren't what they should be? I dunno its awfully weird.
What am I looking for that remains unnamed?
What should I be doing right now? Where should I be investing all my time? So that what... so that I can die warm and safe?
What is the end goal in life? Is there one? What should I be striving for? Does anyone know? Wheres the motivation?
If you're not motivated by comfort, style or even status what does society have to offer? Therefore why strive in soceity?
Everyone has their own little agendas and its... "What I have to do to get by"... what is "getting by?" what.. what is that? Doesn't sound like much..."getting by" just sounds like your aiming for death and trying to make it as slow as possible.
So you can enjoy the few vacation breaks your company gives you to spend time where you wanted to be in the first place?
Why is it a reward? Why can't it be just how it should be, why do we spend our time in places we don't want so we can go somewhere we've wanted to be all along?
What because the world is cruel harsh place? ...shit people make it like that, its not nature. Nature is just nature, you die then you die.
People wound people and yet they're what makes the world worth being in...
So why do they bore me? Arrgh...dammit
Maybe I need a change of scenery too... seeing the same type of people all my life is growing old and you want to believe that theres something more to people, some sort of control or insight.
Then you get to thinking maybe people in other countries are like that... but then you realize that they haven't tasted all the temptation and therefore haven't been tested... and you do NOT want to be the person to do that to them.
I guess I'm looking for people who don't indulge in societies pop culture... oh and everyone is in one...
Goths, skaters...preps,punks.. everyones been labeled.. classified, packaged and sold too.. until you can't even really remember how or what started that look at all.
Who were the originals and why did they look that way? So that everyone copied them and followed them...
What was in them that made them special?
I don't get the sex thing either... its like old american values are dying off at the rate of a species in the rainforest and yet people keep pushing sex in our faces and wondering why things are going the way they are...
I don't get the sex thing at all... its pleasurable but damn lay off, I'm getting sick of sex, looking at it, hearing about it, reading about it and I'm so very inexperienced with it. Its like American culture took my damn virginity or something and I'm already bored before I've even started.
What happened to the people that meant something? That didn't do it just because they were told NOR because they FELT like it, but because they actually saw something others didn't?
I'm waiting on that call and maybe it'll be something I enjoy and it'll hit me in the head like a falling brick.
I think each of my friends is one of those special people, I'm a good judge of character and I am very sensitive (maybe overly) but I can feel how your personality is... behind all that loud front... and behind that meek shyness or perhaps on the side of that showing off... what lies beneath?
Thats all thats concerned me, people of integrity... I hate finding people I think are like that and end up being wishy washy...
with excuses like because "it feels good".
or because "I didn't care."
Let me tell you something, when you get to the point where somethings beaten you down so far you think it might drive you into doing something you know will only be an escape...
You stop and realize that you're letting it steer you... and if you really want to say "fuck you" to whatever it is... you DO NOT let it reduce you in ANY way...
Point your anger at the source and the direction its pushing you towards, even IF that direction is only your reaction to that pressure. Its still a course... take some control.
Because if you keep up with that escape, one day you might find out that people don't approve and you'll be isolated...and so far...
only myself and one other person.. maybe not even him... can live without caring what anyone thinks about them...
If you're not like that... then don't create a shady past by living in a questionable present because of yours or others fuck ups.
Maybe I'll make my own utopian society where the goal for everyone is to be focused, honest, good intentioned, pure, easy going towards each other, helpful, and hard working for the common good...
No drama bullshit... the only people that will be there, are the people that really want it.
Man has reached a point where the illusion of there being something more...
is just as valid as there really being something more...
we of course call that ideals...
its time and has been for a while for man to step up...
Just being, is not enough.
Anyway its late... later
Maybe my views on life aren't what they should be? I dunno its awfully weird.
What am I looking for that remains unnamed?
What should I be doing right now? Where should I be investing all my time? So that what... so that I can die warm and safe?
What is the end goal in life? Is there one? What should I be striving for? Does anyone know? Wheres the motivation?
If you're not motivated by comfort, style or even status what does society have to offer? Therefore why strive in soceity?
Everyone has their own little agendas and its... "What I have to do to get by"... what is "getting by?" what.. what is that? Doesn't sound like much..."getting by" just sounds like your aiming for death and trying to make it as slow as possible.
So you can enjoy the few vacation breaks your company gives you to spend time where you wanted to be in the first place?
Why is it a reward? Why can't it be just how it should be, why do we spend our time in places we don't want so we can go somewhere we've wanted to be all along?
What because the world is cruel harsh place? ...shit people make it like that, its not nature. Nature is just nature, you die then you die.
People wound people and yet they're what makes the world worth being in...
So why do they bore me? Arrgh...dammit
Maybe I need a change of scenery too... seeing the same type of people all my life is growing old and you want to believe that theres something more to people, some sort of control or insight.
Then you get to thinking maybe people in other countries are like that... but then you realize that they haven't tasted all the temptation and therefore haven't been tested... and you do NOT want to be the person to do that to them.
I guess I'm looking for people who don't indulge in societies pop culture... oh and everyone is in one...
Goths, skaters...preps,punks.. everyones been labeled.. classified, packaged and sold too.. until you can't even really remember how or what started that look at all.
Who were the originals and why did they look that way? So that everyone copied them and followed them...
What was in them that made them special?
I don't get the sex thing either... its like old american values are dying off at the rate of a species in the rainforest and yet people keep pushing sex in our faces and wondering why things are going the way they are...
I don't get the sex thing at all... its pleasurable but damn lay off, I'm getting sick of sex, looking at it, hearing about it, reading about it and I'm so very inexperienced with it. Its like American culture took my damn virginity or something and I'm already bored before I've even started.
What happened to the people that meant something? That didn't do it just because they were told NOR because they FELT like it, but because they actually saw something others didn't?
I'm waiting on that call and maybe it'll be something I enjoy and it'll hit me in the head like a falling brick.
I think each of my friends is one of those special people, I'm a good judge of character and I am very sensitive (maybe overly) but I can feel how your personality is... behind all that loud front... and behind that meek shyness or perhaps on the side of that showing off... what lies beneath?
Thats all thats concerned me, people of integrity... I hate finding people I think are like that and end up being wishy washy...
with excuses like because "it feels good".
or because "I didn't care."
Let me tell you something, when you get to the point where somethings beaten you down so far you think it might drive you into doing something you know will only be an escape...
You stop and realize that you're letting it steer you... and if you really want to say "fuck you" to whatever it is... you DO NOT let it reduce you in ANY way...
Point your anger at the source and the direction its pushing you towards, even IF that direction is only your reaction to that pressure. Its still a course... take some control.
Because if you keep up with that escape, one day you might find out that people don't approve and you'll be isolated...and so far...
only myself and one other person.. maybe not even him... can live without caring what anyone thinks about them...
If you're not like that... then don't create a shady past by living in a questionable present because of yours or others fuck ups.
Maybe I'll make my own utopian society where the goal for everyone is to be focused, honest, good intentioned, pure, easy going towards each other, helpful, and hard working for the common good...
No drama bullshit... the only people that will be there, are the people that really want it.
Man has reached a point where the illusion of there being something more...
is just as valid as there really being something more...
we of course call that ideals...
its time and has been for a while for man to step up...
Just being, is not enough.
Anyway its late... later