Nightmare

[deepseasiren]

At Missy's last night I had a nightmare that was so vivid that I woke up thinking, I must be in prison. I'm sure it's all the anxiety and the stress that I felt and even more stress now that I have to 'wait another week' for court ( but in truth I felt it would be better since it would be my original sentencing judge AND my attorney will be there

Comments

[zenrose68]

If this matters....i was sentenced to 3 years in prison and only served 18 mos. It is scary, especially for me because I had never been in trouble and never been jail. I was scared because I had heard stories and saw things on tv. I had even toured Alcatraz just months before. I was lucky to go up ( Woman's prison is in Grants, NM....about 300 miles from my home) with 3 women who promised to stick with me ( they did). Yes, there is definitely ugliness there ( not just physical, but in attitudes and behaviors) but I was lucky to be accepted into the residential rehab program. We were isolated from "the jungle" ( what we called gen. population ). It wasn't a bad experience for me ( other than being away from my daughter ). I got the help to kick my addictions and behaviors. I worked hard, took college classes, became a Buddhist ( still am ), dealt with my issues, lost lots of weight ( food sucked!). Do I want to go back....HELL NO!!! I am 7 months away from finishing 5 years of probation. It was hard but the structure helped me. I learned my lesson. I am done with that. I took my prison term and turned it into a positive experience. It helped me. Im a better person because of it.

[deepseasiren]

I was terrified the first time I ever went to jail but I discovered that there was this 'weird' fascination other girls had with me in terms of how I 'didn't look like a typical jailbird'. I wasn't really sure how to take that. I learned to just stay to myself and if I had a cool roommate, then I could be myself around her. I didn't have much in common with most of the other girls, I just was polite and cordial but distant.

That whole fear of 'prison' though was definitely reflected in this dream. It was SO real and so vivid, and I woke up in terror.

I definitely have become a stronger person because of my experiences with the legal system. I can only blame myself, I have no one else but me to look to in the mirror as to why I was and am dealing with what I am dealing with. So many of the girls did not take personal responsibility for their actions and understandbly most of them lied about why they were there. I found out the truth about their charges after looking them up online ( I learned most of their last names) on the jail websites.

When I was there, I took 8 * five the first time, three the second time* classes each of domestic violence and substance abuse, which saved me some money on the outside because the classes in jail were free. Outside they were 25.00 a piece for me on a sliding scale.

I just want this to be done and over with though. I want to go home, but I'd also rather just spend the next few months in jail and revoke the probation!