Friendship
I don't know what exactly I'm going to write. I'm winging it. Improvising. Jassing around?
My impulse to come here was powered by my day. It's been a surprisingly good one, as most are here in BG. I was freaking out a bit this morning. Hadn't done my homework, literally. Haven't read or listened to what I'm supposed to, haven't practiced in a couple days. Don't have my music ordered for my recital yet.
But, I got out the door. Made it to class on time. Happy thing. Made it through my lesson as I've learnt to do, directing attention away from the areas I'm not ready or prepared on, and towards another thing, hopefully important (it was this time, happy day). Classes are surprisingly tolerable this semester. More than that, they verge on enjoyable. The polar opposite of last year.
My internal schedule is upside down. I don't do much in the mornings, it all gets shoved to the evening. That's not necessarily bad, but I don't think my quality-of-attention schedule has changed. I probably still do my best work in the morning. I just don't work then. Not so good.
On a more macro scale, Fall used to be a great semester. I was refreshed, renewed from my three-month break in the Summer. So happy to have a regular schedule again. Just happy. Spring, it felt I was winding down, like a mechanical clock. It took more effort to do everything, to keep a schedule that allowed me to practice and study and sleep.
BG is the antithesis of that. I don't know what it is. Is it I'm 14 hours drive away from my family? Is it because the seasons change so much faster here? Both? But, my first semester was awful, and last Fall was better, in terms of mental health, I think, but not good grade/work-wise. I've gotten more done in my first week-and-a-half here this Spring than I did all last Fall, it feels.
Last Spring was good, too. I found a pianist, gave myself a regular performance schedule to force myself to work. Even got happy with the pieces I played. Last Fall was a floundering mess in comparison, although I fooled my violin teacher pretty well, apparently.
This Spring has really sprung. I've done so much already, and I hope and will accomplish more. I have to. I'm graduating. Deadlines are great for me.
I've fixed my car (which got hurt last fall, btw), I've gotten dental insurance and scheduled an appointment to get a cleaning for the first time in 2 years (tooth started hurting last year). I dropped off the clothes I gathered when I first moved here to Goodwill. I've made a violin bag I've been planning since last summer. I'm knitting more regularly. Practicing, if sporadically. Still, I'm doing stuff. That's amazing, spectacular. I really hope I don't lose this once I move back to OK.
On the doing front, I had dinner with a maybe-sorta friend (I've updated my definitions to be stricter in the past year), and it was great. The food was good, the conversation never stopped. I hate awkward pauses where you aren't sure what to talk about, although it seems inevitable with some people. We laughed, we tried to understand each other, and we made plans for next week. I don't know why it's clicking now, when we've been trying with no real success for the past three semesters. Still, good thing.
Speaking of clicking. I'm playing with two fellow grad students in my studio for the studio recital. It's the hardest piece on the program, according to Dr. Kruse, and we've basically got it already. Very good thing. I love playing with people on my level. I'm not teaching, or feeling left in the dust. We click, musically. And Anna, who is new to us, is a great woman. So easy to talk to, I should ask her to coffee.
I need a small break to wind down a bit, and then practice. Orchestra: Candide last page. Rachmaninoff piano concerto: 2nd movement, hard spots I've marked. Lalo: hit it hard, memorize sections that add up to a page! Beethoven Spring Sonata: download lesson, incorporate memorable comments into playing. Manor House stuff, play through, listen, and practice rough spots or mark for later. Download CD's for Jazz Lit. Listen to today's stuff for Duo Rep.