Full time mum
It's a tough one being a full time mum, giving up a supposedly good corporate job, chuck away the secure money, trade the confines of an AC cubicle to being a harried mum on call 24/7. Not a pretty picture.
This was a decision that was also spurred because of our larger decision to move out of Bombay (at least for a while) to the more relaxed Goa. Yes, that sounds ideal but I'll talk about that later.
After having Dhruv, I was kind of certain that a full time job wouldn't do justice to the boy and me. I would have been a holy mess trying to juggle it all and I think I would have screwed up on either or both. Flexi time was what my employer did give me for 5 months after I resumed and I was ever so grateful to them but I knew the honeymoon would end and they would obviously expect me to do full time.
I also have these strong views on grandparents raising your kid. Though it's wonderful to have grandparents around, I think it is extremely selfish on the part of parents to parcel their kids to the grandparents. Firstly, they have already done their bit in raising these parents (and having dealt with Dhruv for 17 months, I can safely say that it is bloody exhausting), secondly they need to live their lives. Most of them (grandparents) are at a much older age than before given that our generation is having babies later. So that option was clearly out for me...not that my mum was offering, wise woman that she is.
So the next option was to find a maid / care giver that I could completely rely on. So I did just that. I got a lady who was at large a lovely person who also loved my boy and took good care of him. She was of great help when I resumed work post maternity leave. It was alright while I did flexi time and given her timings, she couldn't be there full time for me either. So it was apparent that I was coming to a dead end soon.
In India, I could never rely on day care centers so that really wasn't an option. So in the end, all signs seemed to indicate what I always thought would be the only option...to quit and commit my time to the boy.
I can't but help recall the various reactions I got at work to my throwing in the towel.
What amazed me were the reactions from other women in office. For a lot of single women and those who were reporting to me, it was like I had let them down. I can understand why. Here they were, trying to climb the corporate ladder, doing all that they could to make it happen and then they see me just give it up for a baby. I remember my colleague asking me..."so is this it? You work all these years to get where you have and you just give it up for a baby? And, how dead boring can it be just being with a child." I couldn't give her any conclusive answers and I really didn't want to deject her with the 'glass ceiling' stuff or go down the road that women have to make tougher decisions. To each his own. I never was a big one to define my life by a corporate designation but there are others for whom it is a lease of life. So was I not living up to the image of a superwoman who could triple hat and manage career, home and baby with the dexterity of a composer? Nah, I was just being human.
To some other women (and I did have a few of them) who had delivered within months of my delivery, it was a twinge of envy camouflaged by an outward dismissiveness. A lot of them were of the opinion that I would get bored with such a mundane task. It was so important to have mental stimulation. How could I tell them that to me, the job at times was the least stimulating but who was I to argue. I was only a pro baby quitter.
For most of the men, it was such a chauvinistic reaction....almost like they were expecting it. I mentally slapped a complete prick of a Marketing guy who suggested that I do some NGO work. Fucker.
Now, though largely I enjoy the time with Dhruv, however exhausting and demanding, there are times when I catch myself wondering...What if? These thoughts come in especially after conversations with my team mate from work...What if I had continued...I could have got that designation, I could have been travelling on conferences, I could be dressed in corporate attire and looked busy on my BB, I could have got fancy things, fancier designations.
When I hear of complete no doers doing well, I have to admit it hurts.
But then, would I have been able to read stories, sing and dance with my boy. Would he have grown up to be this delightful...perhaps he would. Kids do grow up ok mostly.
So the dilemma continues. There are days when I feel completely blessed to be able to have this choice. I am sure I will look back on these days fondly. They don't remain kids for long. I have enjoyed my time with the boy, the long breastfeeding stint, the many silly songs and dances to entertain him and myself and the complete 'tuned in' feeling I have with him.
I hope...I really hope when I look back many years from now, I will know I did the right thing.
I
This was a decision that was also spurred because of our larger decision to move out of Bombay (at least for a while) to the more relaxed Goa. Yes, that sounds ideal but I'll talk about that later.
After having Dhruv, I was kind of certain that a full time job wouldn't do justice to the boy and me. I would have been a holy mess trying to juggle it all and I think I would have screwed up on either or both. Flexi time was what my employer did give me for 5 months after I resumed and I was ever so grateful to them but I knew the honeymoon would end and they would obviously expect me to do full time.
I also have these strong views on grandparents raising your kid. Though it's wonderful to have grandparents around, I think it is extremely selfish on the part of parents to parcel their kids to the grandparents. Firstly, they have already done their bit in raising these parents (and having dealt with Dhruv for 17 months, I can safely say that it is bloody exhausting), secondly they need to live their lives. Most of them (grandparents) are at a much older age than before given that our generation is having babies later. So that option was clearly out for me...not that my mum was offering, wise woman that she is.
So the next option was to find a maid / care giver that I could completely rely on. So I did just that. I got a lady who was at large a lovely person who also loved my boy and took good care of him. She was of great help when I resumed work post maternity leave. It was alright while I did flexi time and given her timings, she couldn't be there full time for me either. So it was apparent that I was coming to a dead end soon.
In India, I could never rely on day care centers so that really wasn't an option. So in the end, all signs seemed to indicate what I always thought would be the only option...to quit and commit my time to the boy.
I can't but help recall the various reactions I got at work to my throwing in the towel.
What amazed me were the reactions from other women in office. For a lot of single women and those who were reporting to me, it was like I had let them down. I can understand why. Here they were, trying to climb the corporate ladder, doing all that they could to make it happen and then they see me just give it up for a baby. I remember my colleague asking me..."so is this it? You work all these years to get where you have and you just give it up for a baby? And, how dead boring can it be just being with a child." I couldn't give her any conclusive answers and I really didn't want to deject her with the 'glass ceiling' stuff or go down the road that women have to make tougher decisions. To each his own. I never was a big one to define my life by a corporate designation but there are others for whom it is a lease of life. So was I not living up to the image of a superwoman who could triple hat and manage career, home and baby with the dexterity of a composer? Nah, I was just being human.
To some other women (and I did have a few of them) who had delivered within months of my delivery, it was a twinge of envy camouflaged by an outward dismissiveness. A lot of them were of the opinion that I would get bored with such a mundane task. It was so important to have mental stimulation. How could I tell them that to me, the job at times was the least stimulating but who was I to argue. I was only a pro baby quitter.
For most of the men, it was such a chauvinistic reaction....almost like they were expecting it. I mentally slapped a complete prick of a Marketing guy who suggested that I do some NGO work. Fucker.
Now, though largely I enjoy the time with Dhruv, however exhausting and demanding, there are times when I catch myself wondering...What if? These thoughts come in especially after conversations with my team mate from work...What if I had continued...I could have got that designation, I could have been travelling on conferences, I could be dressed in corporate attire and looked busy on my BB, I could have got fancy things, fancier designations.
When I hear of complete no doers doing well, I have to admit it hurts.
But then, would I have been able to read stories, sing and dance with my boy. Would he have grown up to be this delightful...perhaps he would. Kids do grow up ok mostly.
So the dilemma continues. There are days when I feel completely blessed to be able to have this choice. I am sure I will look back on these days fondly. They don't remain kids for long. I have enjoyed my time with the boy, the long breastfeeding stint, the many silly songs and dances to entertain him and myself and the complete 'tuned in' feeling I have with him.
I hope...I really hope when I look back many years from now, I will know I did the right thing.
I