Seeker 2x05 ‘Wizard’ Cracky Recap
Zedd-centric ep was a little bit blah, but also a little bit lulzy :)
ZEDDICUS Z'UL ZORANDER THIS IS YOUR LIFE *da da deeee lulzy old muuuuuusiiiicc*
Although, as a side note, I'm pretty sure a Zedd autobiography would contain a lot more mention of his record as a serial cockblocker.
ZEDD: Richaaaard I'm hungry. (“Burke! Feed meeee!”)
Wow. New Zealand has truly unique and beautiful topography. Just look at the contours.
Look! A plot point!
Cara's like “I don't need food for sustenance, I survive on sheer disdain, with the occasional sexual encounter for dessert.”
KAHLAN: *trying not to laugh*
PRETTY PRETTY PEOPLE. Okay mostly Kahlan. Cheekbones!
ZEDD: Thank you Kahlan.
CARA: ONYD.
By the way, this is the first time Kahlan's been reunited with her travelling outfit this season. It's a beautiful thing!
CARA: *side-steps*
THAT WAS BADASS, KAHL- Uuh I mean Cara.
Lookout Zedd, she's wearing a black bow tie, she's obviously EVIL!
Ackackack, please no, not Zedd sex!
AND IS THAT ONE OF THOSE CRYPT!SEX CENSOR CANDLES? AAAAAAARGH!!
CARA OF THE DRAMATIC ENTRANCE *cue screechy Mord'Sith music*
And can I just give massive props to seriousfic for realising that CARA JUST COCKBLOCKED ZEDD!!
HAHAHAAA PAYBACK'S A BITCH AND HER NAME'S CARA!!@1!!! EPIC LOVE FOREVER.
CARA: Why is it that when I'm hunting down a man I never have to look further than the first brothel past the city gates.
Hay Mistress Double-Standards, remember this?
YAAAAAY SHOTA.
Blah blah blah “I love you” blahhhh. ...She's usually more narky than this.
After Shota's Totes Awesome Pool Party she decided it might be prudent to retire the new divining pool and use a log instead. It's more eco-friendly.
AND WTF MAN VOICE?! HAHAHAAA I was expecting a chipmunk voice!
Nice.
Mmm I get a little tingly whenever Kahlan screams “RICHARD!” which is about 5 times an episode. (Count: 1)
Richard knife-fighting! R/K dagger love!~~
All that impaling is seriously reminiscent of Kahlan's fight!sex tendencies. Feeling a bit frustrated, Richard? ;D
Wow. She really IS a whore.*
*I don't have any beef with call girls, I just really hate this one.
SHOTA: If you can subdue him then I can force him to do what must be done. Namely, become my love slave at the eternal Madhatters teaparty porny picnic. (Pic by hollywoodgrrl)
CARA: You think I'm goooooooorrrgeous, you want to kiiissss me, you want to huuuuuuug me :D
Coming up next on Royal Renovations-!
RICHARD: Zedd was with women???
CARA: No Richard, men - OF COURSE, WOMEN.
Random canines of luxury bring a certain dash of Paris Hilton to the Midlands.
WOMAN OF PLEASURE: Please my King, wont you save me from the spider-plant that's trying to eat my head?
This is getting redonk.
YOUNG!ZEDD: I'm Zeddicus. Greatest of all wizards, Seeker of Truth, and High Lord and Master of Winterhaven! I also have 7 middle names and a Catholic name, want to hear them too?
*facepalm*
Lol, watch the dogs pay attention when the dude gets roasted. Pretty lights!
That's going to be the perfect gif for flaming ppl online :P
Hay! Long time, no No Undies World! Hai Rahl, we've missed you.
NO UNDIES GUY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO MCDONALDS IN THE UNDERWORLD, NOOOOOO!!
Hi Frodo!
Must be terrible when one of your litter-bearers is taller than the one on the other side.
Smoke machiiiiiine.
Honestly, this guys makes speeches as long and boring as book!Richard.
Ooh our first lady in No Undies World! …If you can call her her a ‘lady’.
And I want to know how it is that each soul delivered to the Underworld that will be of use to Rahl is dropped precisely at his feet.
It's because his AMAZING hair demands it.
By this point, Zedd's name certainly isn't going to fit on his drivers license.
Maybe this is why he goes as the much-shortened ‘Zedd’ now: because some pretty lady called him on it when he was young and handsome self involved.
KAHLAN: RICHAAAARRD! (Count: 2)
BAM BAM BAMF!
Whoo! Cara is TURNING ME ON! *flicks loungeroom lights*
Oh she's worked up a lovely sweat. Work it, Kahlan.
This is so amusing. Oh Richard, you're such a spaz.
SHOTA: Oh god not more running.
If Harry Potter ever taught us anything it's that green light = evil.
OH COOL. Transformation a la King Théoden.
WHOA. HAIR.
Go into the rift! (We want to see you with No Undies!)
VFX has been SO hot this season. Great work, post production! Mmm and the lighting too. Om nom nom.
LOL OLD RICHARD AAAAHAHAHAAA HE LOOKS LIKE SANTA! HE SHOULD TOTES BE DATING SHOTACLAUS!
RICHAAAARD! (Count: 3)
Obviously the years are going to be kinder to Kahlan than to Richard.
Case in point: MCILF
I'm also pretty sure it shouldn't be THAT easy to just waltz out of the Underworld : /
SALINDRA: I'm a practical girl self-advancing, materialistic whore.
I was going to make a joke about Cara's agiel, but honestly, we need new material for that one.
DID SHE JUST SAY “CALL ME”?!?! OH SHOTA YOU COUGAR. I think it was “Call on me” but LOL!
Aw. Kahlan's glad she can have young, fit, muscley, 12-pack Richard back. It's okay Kahlan, we don't want to see a love scene with geriatric!Richard either.
I'm just going to ignore this whole happy families wrap-up sequence and imagine what Cara and Kahlan are getting up to further up the track while Richard and Zedd are having a D&M ;)
THE END!
Well! I kind of needed that Seeker squee rest-week because last week ruined me. BUT THE HAIR, GUYS. HOW EPIC WAS THE HAIR THIS WEEK!
Browse the Legend of the Seeker
Cracky Recaps archive HERE
Edit: Next week looks good! I wanna see Cara try be patient and teach the villagers how to fight! She'd be like “You are lacking in every capacity, LEAVE.”
ZEDDICUS Z'UL ZORANDER THIS IS YOUR LIFE *da da deeee lulzy old muuuuuusiiiicc*
Although, as a side note, I'm pretty sure a Zedd autobiography would contain a lot more mention of his record as a serial cockblocker.
ZEDD: Richaaaard I'm hungry. (“Burke! Feed meeee!”)
Wow. New Zealand has truly unique and beautiful topography. Just look at the contours.
Look! A plot point!
Cara's like “I don't need food for sustenance, I survive on sheer disdain, with the occasional sexual encounter for dessert.”
KAHLAN: *trying not to laugh*
PRETTY PRETTY PEOPLE. Okay mostly Kahlan. Cheekbones!
ZEDD: Thank you Kahlan.
CARA: ONYD.
By the way, this is the first time Kahlan's been reunited with her travelling outfit this season. It's a beautiful thing!
CARA: *side-steps*
THAT WAS BADASS, KAHL- Uuh I mean Cara.
Lookout Zedd, she's wearing a black bow tie, she's obviously EVIL!
Ackackack, please no, not Zedd sex!
AND IS THAT ONE OF THOSE CRYPT!SEX CENSOR CANDLES? AAAAAAARGH!!
CARA OF THE DRAMATIC ENTRANCE *cue screechy Mord'Sith music*
And can I just give massive props to seriousfic for realising that CARA JUST COCKBLOCKED ZEDD!!
HAHAHAAA PAYBACK'S A BITCH AND HER NAME'S CARA!!@1!!! EPIC LOVE FOREVER.
CARA: Why is it that when I'm hunting down a man I never have to look further than the first brothel past the city gates.
Hay Mistress Double-Standards, remember this?
YAAAAAY SHOTA.
Blah blah blah “I love you” blahhhh. ...She's usually more narky than this.
After Shota's Totes Awesome Pool Party she decided it might be prudent to retire the new divining pool and use a log instead. It's more eco-friendly.
AND WTF MAN VOICE?! HAHAHAAA I was expecting a chipmunk voice!
Nice.
Mmm I get a little tingly whenever Kahlan screams “RICHARD!” which is about 5 times an episode. (Count: 1)
Richard knife-fighting! R/K dagger love!~~
All that impaling is seriously reminiscent of Kahlan's fight!sex tendencies. Feeling a bit frustrated, Richard? ;D
Wow. She really IS a whore.*
*I don't have any beef with call girls, I just really hate this one.
SHOTA: If you can subdue him then I can force him to do what must be done. Namely, become my love slave at the eternal Madhatters teaparty porny picnic. (Pic by hollywoodgrrl)
CARA: You think I'm goooooooorrrgeous, you want to kiiissss me, you want to huuuuuuug me :D
Coming up next on Royal Renovations-!
RICHARD: Zedd was with women???
CARA: No Richard, men - OF COURSE, WOMEN.
Random canines of luxury bring a certain dash of Paris Hilton to the Midlands.
WOMAN OF PLEASURE: Please my King, wont you save me from the spider-plant that's trying to eat my head?
This is getting redonk.
YOUNG!ZEDD: I'm Zeddicus. Greatest of all wizards, Seeker of Truth, and High Lord and Master of Winterhaven! I also have 7 middle names and a Catholic name, want to hear them too?
*facepalm*
Lol, watch the dogs pay attention when the dude gets roasted. Pretty lights!
That's going to be the perfect gif for flaming ppl online :P
Hay! Long time, no No Undies World! Hai Rahl, we've missed you.
NO UNDIES GUY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO MCDONALDS IN THE UNDERWORLD, NOOOOOO!!
Hi Frodo!
Must be terrible when one of your litter-bearers is taller than the one on the other side.
Smoke machiiiiiine.
Honestly, this guys makes speeches as long and boring as book!Richard.
Ooh our first lady in No Undies World! …If you can call her her a ‘lady’.
And I want to know how it is that each soul delivered to the Underworld that will be of use to Rahl is dropped precisely at his feet.
It's because his AMAZING hair demands it.
By this point, Zedd's name certainly isn't going to fit on his drivers license.
Maybe this is why he goes as the much-shortened ‘Zedd’ now: because some pretty lady called him on it when he was young and handsome self involved.
KAHLAN: RICHAAAARRD! (Count: 2)
BAM BAM BAMF!
Whoo! Cara is TURNING ME ON! *flicks loungeroom lights*
Oh she's worked up a lovely sweat. Work it, Kahlan.
This is so amusing. Oh Richard, you're such a spaz.
SHOTA: Oh god not more running.
If Harry Potter ever taught us anything it's that green light = evil.
OH COOL. Transformation a la King Théoden.
WHOA. HAIR.
Go into the rift! (We want to see you with No Undies!)
VFX has been SO hot this season. Great work, post production! Mmm and the lighting too. Om nom nom.
LOL OLD RICHARD AAAAHAHAHAAA HE LOOKS LIKE SANTA! HE SHOULD TOTES BE DATING SHOTACLAUS!
RICHAAAARD! (Count: 3)
Obviously the years are going to be kinder to Kahlan than to Richard.
Case in point: MCILF
I'm also pretty sure it shouldn't be THAT easy to just waltz out of the Underworld : /
SALINDRA: I'm a practical girl self-advancing, materialistic whore.
I was going to make a joke about Cara's agiel, but honestly, we need new material for that one.
DID SHE JUST SAY “CALL ME”?!?! OH SHOTA YOU COUGAR. I think it was “Call on me” but LOL!
Aw. Kahlan's glad she can have young, fit, muscley, 12-pack Richard back. It's okay Kahlan, we don't want to see a love scene with geriatric!Richard either.
I'm just going to ignore this whole happy families wrap-up sequence and imagine what Cara and Kahlan are getting up to further up the track while Richard and Zedd are having a D&M ;)
THE END!
Well! I kind of needed that Seeker squee rest-week because last week ruined me. BUT THE HAIR, GUYS. HOW EPIC WAS THE HAIR THIS WEEK!
Browse the Legend of the Seeker
Cracky Recaps archive HERE
Edit: Next week looks good! I wanna see Cara try be patient and teach the villagers how to fight! She'd be like “You are lacking in every capacity, LEAVE.”
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