Here's an old entry from 2012 that never made it to publish, titled: mood - it's made me smile :)
I hate you, mood. You always suck and get in the damn way. Perma-smile. Hahaha. “That I can show you how…” Oh my goodness. There are a bunch of things flooding my mind right now and I hate every single one of them. These moments are few and far between. Not anxious. Just annoyed. Unhappy. Ok. Broke. Not broken. I hate this up and down bullshit of happy to sad angry to mad up to down left to right. What is it that I’m missing? What is it that I’m not doing? What is it that I’m not getting? I appreciate humility, however, I’m terrible at it. I wish I could just be happy all the time. I love that feeling. Elation. Euphoric. Unbothered. Cool.
But then there, here, where I am… I get lost. I get inside. Inside that box. Inside my head. Inside my inside world. I hate this/that place. It just absorbs me. I be discontent. Irritable. Restless. Basic negative feelings of an alcoholic battling with feelings that are all too familiar and unwanted. I don’t miss it.
Then… I wonder. Self-pity is a son of a bitch. Comes out of fucking nowhere. Comes in the dead of night, wake of morning, even when I expect it, it comes when I least expect it. It hates me, yet enjoys fucking up my day, moments of clarity
TIME TO GO.