Get Out of Your Head and Get Into Your Heart ... Think Less and Feel More
We have all heard about how women are multifaceted, donning many hats, always multitasking. We all know the woman is the fulcrum around which her home rotates and taking a bigger view the society even. What we sometimes forget is that in the midst of our ever so many responsibilities and obligations to everyone and everything around us ... there is one person that most women tend to neglect .... THEMSELVES ....
I have been one of those women. I took pride in being a giver and gave everything I had in every relationship, every responsibility and every task. Until the Inner Voice , the Inner Goddess ( Yes I believe there is one in every female soul ) in me screamed out. I was forced to listen to the music of neglect.
It is easy to talk of and understand goddess and magic and reinventions if you are sitting in some shadowy underground room below the city streets, filled with women pulling tarot cards, wearing flower crowns and eating strawberries. How easy is it when you are sitting in a pale blue shuddering and whining train, when the person in front of you is lying across three seats and yelling about the atoms of the universe while two passengers silently stand and glare at him and continue doing just that throughout the journey. What do you do when you have that shocking moment of truth and craving for enlightenment sitting on a cold plastic seat ? How do you slow down when you need to hustle to survive ? What do you do when you want to connect to something deeper, but stress is crippling you ? Thinking about it we are one of the busiest and poorest of generations in recent history.
And so there I was, at that point in my life where I had to shake things up. I was standing at the precipice of a major change. I had to jump or die just standing and wondering what to do. I had spent 39 years of my life honing my ability to be what I thought others wanted me to be, trying so hard to be this perfect person who could make everyone happy and the world a better place. But there was the hitch - my definition of happy and better was warped and I would die trying but people and the world would never ever be satisfied. All the nonsense that I had created in my head - stories and perceptions that I had bought into, fed by my addiction for perfection and need for security and validation. I was drained and exhausted and it was time to nurture ME - the Multidimensional Enigma I could be. I was ready to break out of the box that I had been living in. And I had to figure my way out ... fast. I had to kill my idealized perceptions and thoughts, my Buddha, if I had to travel down my personal path.
And that is when I realised ... Sometimes when you step up in life to invite change, life has a way of guiding you to exactly where you need to be , with whom you need to be with and hearing what you need to hear. And one of those brilliant manifestations was seeing and meeting and then knowing Sivakami. Looking out from my office window , I would see her sitting on the pavement in front of the church, every single day. Sivakami from Marthandam wearing her post office uniform and just sitting there alone every single day. One of the wisest things I had done up to that point was go over and talk to her and listen to her story ... Sivakami from Marthandam, good at studies but separated from learning by poverty, married off at the age of 16 , having a daughter at 18, being and feeling helpless as her husband sells her daughter at age 10 to his relative, fending for herself as her husband leaves her and gets married to another lady, realising she is all alone, completing her Tenth Grade somehow and writing a Government Test, clearing the test and getting a government job - delivering post. Sivakami of Marthandam just showing up and sitting on the pavement in front of the church every single day.... Continuing her search for herself , her daughter , her journey.
And I asked her how she did it .. admiration swelling inside me for her she gave me three things that helped her.
1. Face your Inner Demons and Own Your Responsibility
2. Meditation and Clearing your Head helps you Know Yourself. Think Less and Feel More.
3. Knowing Yourself opens the door to Limitless Possibilities.
This turn of events would be another building block in one very important and transformative lesson: Just be who you really are and that is more than enough and that is all you can do.
There was some undoing to be done! In order to be who I really was, I first had to know who I really was ....
While I believe deeply that our family and friend support networks are fundamental to thriving in life, the truth is that when we’re talking about inner demons, fears, blocks, and limiting beliefs, we have to face up to those ourselves.
It’s a very personal journey to honestly look into the dark crevices inside yourself and truly own the way you feel, the way you behave, and see what is blocking your own thriving.
Taking responsibility for how we are being and what we are doing is something that requires great courage.
Nearly in tears ever since my realisation for the need to change and facing up to what massive changes I needed to make in my life, the message of having to face my challenges alone actually empowered me.
It woke me up and made me realize that no one else could set me free from my limiting beliefs about what validated me as a person and the blocks I had about risking my security in pursuit of a more meaningful life.
I knew my roles as a woman could be primarily classified as - The NURTERER, The LOVER, The FIGHTER and The SEEKER. And since meeting Sivakami I have been trying to find and grow the best possible way in these roles.
As Nurturer which is an instinct that most of us women are born with I am trying to expand my views and opinions and free it from restrictions, bias and so called acceptability's. I am learning to be more understanding of people and have decided to make no judgement on their character and behavior. Each one to his own - I have definitely not walked in any one's shoes but mine.
As Lover I intend to celebrate my life. This is one thing I have been rather slow in learning. The only thing I am sure of however is that I do not want the creative, sensual and passionate feminine in me to die out. I have rediscovered my love for words and discovered an eye for things around us through my camera. Other than these new found passions, Voracious Reading, Occasional Dancing, Random Painting, Constant Music, and Experiments in the kitchen spark the flame of the Inner Goddess and keeps it alive in ME
I wasn't raised to be a strong and Independent woman. I am learning to fight for myself , my beliefs. I am learning to be assertive and stand up for what I believe is good for me .... not necessarily right but good nevertheless.
We all have a spiritual side which is more than just religion. It comprises of our experiences and our philosophies. This side grows with us. Its a part of growing older and its what keeps us young.It can be hard to see the light in yourself when you struggle to see it in others or anywhere.
But it is there. We all have the "ME" inside us waiting to come out and be explored, we all have different faces and phases. I had to do this myself. I had to build a relationship with my Multidimensional Enigma and let her emerge, just as we are all called to do. You just gotta let the light in. You gotta let the light out.
( This is my Entry for Week 9 of Lj Idol - Friends and Rivals Mini Season. ... The topic that called out to me this week was the Buddha on the Road and this is my interpretation of it. As always Concrits and Feedbacks are always welcome. )
I have been one of those women. I took pride in being a giver and gave everything I had in every relationship, every responsibility and every task. Until the Inner Voice , the Inner Goddess ( Yes I believe there is one in every female soul ) in me screamed out. I was forced to listen to the music of neglect.
It is easy to talk of and understand goddess and magic and reinventions if you are sitting in some shadowy underground room below the city streets, filled with women pulling tarot cards, wearing flower crowns and eating strawberries. How easy is it when you are sitting in a pale blue shuddering and whining train, when the person in front of you is lying across three seats and yelling about the atoms of the universe while two passengers silently stand and glare at him and continue doing just that throughout the journey. What do you do when you have that shocking moment of truth and craving for enlightenment sitting on a cold plastic seat ? How do you slow down when you need to hustle to survive ? What do you do when you want to connect to something deeper, but stress is crippling you ? Thinking about it we are one of the busiest and poorest of generations in recent history.
And so there I was, at that point in my life where I had to shake things up. I was standing at the precipice of a major change. I had to jump or die just standing and wondering what to do. I had spent 39 years of my life honing my ability to be what I thought others wanted me to be, trying so hard to be this perfect person who could make everyone happy and the world a better place. But there was the hitch - my definition of happy and better was warped and I would die trying but people and the world would never ever be satisfied. All the nonsense that I had created in my head - stories and perceptions that I had bought into, fed by my addiction for perfection and need for security and validation. I was drained and exhausted and it was time to nurture ME - the Multidimensional Enigma I could be. I was ready to break out of the box that I had been living in. And I had to figure my way out ... fast. I had to kill my idealized perceptions and thoughts, my Buddha, if I had to travel down my personal path.
And that is when I realised ... Sometimes when you step up in life to invite change, life has a way of guiding you to exactly where you need to be , with whom you need to be with and hearing what you need to hear. And one of those brilliant manifestations was seeing and meeting and then knowing Sivakami. Looking out from my office window , I would see her sitting on the pavement in front of the church, every single day. Sivakami from Marthandam wearing her post office uniform and just sitting there alone every single day. One of the wisest things I had done up to that point was go over and talk to her and listen to her story ... Sivakami from Marthandam, good at studies but separated from learning by poverty, married off at the age of 16 , having a daughter at 18, being and feeling helpless as her husband sells her daughter at age 10 to his relative, fending for herself as her husband leaves her and gets married to another lady, realising she is all alone, completing her Tenth Grade somehow and writing a Government Test, clearing the test and getting a government job - delivering post. Sivakami of Marthandam just showing up and sitting on the pavement in front of the church every single day.... Continuing her search for herself , her daughter , her journey.
And I asked her how she did it .. admiration swelling inside me for her she gave me three things that helped her.
1. Face your Inner Demons and Own Your Responsibility
2. Meditation and Clearing your Head helps you Know Yourself. Think Less and Feel More.
3. Knowing Yourself opens the door to Limitless Possibilities.
This turn of events would be another building block in one very important and transformative lesson: Just be who you really are and that is more than enough and that is all you can do.
There was some undoing to be done! In order to be who I really was, I first had to know who I really was ....
While I believe deeply that our family and friend support networks are fundamental to thriving in life, the truth is that when we’re talking about inner demons, fears, blocks, and limiting beliefs, we have to face up to those ourselves.
It’s a very personal journey to honestly look into the dark crevices inside yourself and truly own the way you feel, the way you behave, and see what is blocking your own thriving.
Taking responsibility for how we are being and what we are doing is something that requires great courage.
Nearly in tears ever since my realisation for the need to change and facing up to what massive changes I needed to make in my life, the message of having to face my challenges alone actually empowered me.
It woke me up and made me realize that no one else could set me free from my limiting beliefs about what validated me as a person and the blocks I had about risking my security in pursuit of a more meaningful life.
I knew my roles as a woman could be primarily classified as - The NURTERER, The LOVER, The FIGHTER and The SEEKER. And since meeting Sivakami I have been trying to find and grow the best possible way in these roles.
As Nurturer which is an instinct that most of us women are born with I am trying to expand my views and opinions and free it from restrictions, bias and so called acceptability's. I am learning to be more understanding of people and have decided to make no judgement on their character and behavior. Each one to his own - I have definitely not walked in any one's shoes but mine.
As Lover I intend to celebrate my life. This is one thing I have been rather slow in learning. The only thing I am sure of however is that I do not want the creative, sensual and passionate feminine in me to die out. I have rediscovered my love for words and discovered an eye for things around us through my camera. Other than these new found passions, Voracious Reading, Occasional Dancing, Random Painting, Constant Music, and Experiments in the kitchen spark the flame of the Inner Goddess and keeps it alive in ME
I wasn't raised to be a strong and Independent woman. I am learning to fight for myself , my beliefs. I am learning to be assertive and stand up for what I believe is good for me .... not necessarily right but good nevertheless.
We all have a spiritual side which is more than just religion. It comprises of our experiences and our philosophies. This side grows with us. Its a part of growing older and its what keeps us young.It can be hard to see the light in yourself when you struggle to see it in others or anywhere.
But it is there. We all have the "ME" inside us waiting to come out and be explored, we all have different faces and phases. I had to do this myself. I had to build a relationship with my Multidimensional Enigma and let her emerge, just as we are all called to do. You just gotta let the light in. You gotta let the light out.
( This is my Entry for Week 9 of Lj Idol - Friends and Rivals Mini Season. ... The topic that called out to me this week was the Buddha on the Road and this is my interpretation of it. As always Concrits and Feedbacks are always welcome. )