They Said It Could Not Be Done.
I woke up. The day seemed like any other even though for some reason it didn't feel like it. The sun streamed through the sheer curtains in my room facing the eastern hemisphere and onto my face. Unusually for me , today I enjoyed the sun's tender caress across my face. A smile dawned. And that was unusual too. I normally woke up to Mum's threatening tenth call, which of course would bring anything but a smile on my lips. I missed that menacing call. I showered leisurely instead of my hurried shower. I chose to wear the pretty floral frock Mum would have appreciated instead of the jeans and tee I was normally comfortable in. I scurried down the stairs and for some reason the noise ... wait today there was an unusual lack of it actually. I walked into the kitchen and atypically made my breakfast. Today I was a changed me. I made my eggs and used my toast to make cheese and bacon sandwiches. Patting myself on my back I poured myself a glass of grapefruit juice and sat down to enjoy my culinary skill. The salt and pepper in the eggs were just right. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan. Cleared the butter off the counter. Rinsed the dishes and folded the towels. I smiled. Mum always said I couldn't do it. I should do more of this ... the cooking, the-helping-Mum-without-being-asked ... and oh yes the smiling too.
The unusual silence around the house was eerie. The silence was so loud, I didn't feel like calling for Mum , Dad or Sarah. I walked through the rooms and saw Mum sitting at the floor of the store room. She was rummaging through a box that held my stuff from when I was younger. She seemed so engrossed in the task that I decided to sneak out. The day was bright and warm. The lady down the street, the everyday jogger walked past in her pink and black striped track suit. She was smart and fit and I was happy to see her rather than feel annoyed by over zealous fitness passion. She often gave me lessons on building up a need to be fit. She said I needed to train my body young or I could never ever do it. Seeing her today triggered a singular want to be fit and smart.
I walked to the park. The river beside it has always been my favorite place. A place where I run to hide. When life attempted to shackle me, the absence of walls and waste expanse around the river helped me free myself. Today I didn't go to the river to be free. Today I was pulled by the bond with my father. I saw him sitting at the riverside. A bottle in hand and in unprecedented pensive mood. The last few days were full of strife. I wanted to pursue higher studies in medicine. He said it couldn't be done. We didn't have enough money to pull me through it. It didn't matter to me anymore. For some reason I didn't want anything to spoil the brightness of the day.
Sarah was at school. I passed by Old Aunt Jane and Uncle Donald's home. She was at the porch reading the newspaper.People with a fixed routine that gave them comfort rather than boredom. Maybe we all reach that stage when we stop running and sit and watch life go by peacefully. Sarah sat at the playground instead of running about and playing on the swing she so loved....
I saw Anne in front of the auditorium. Anne is my best friend. This was where we had our drama sessions. The Annual Drama Fest was around the corner. It would have been fun if I had been allowed to play the part of Juliet. I was so familiar with all the dialogues the famous lady-in-love had mouthed.But they wanted someone less plumper. Jacqueline with her porcelain skin and Barbie-figure was the obvious choice. Miss Emma said I could not do it.
My eyes opened. I WOKE UP. I felt in love. No not with the boy down the street. But with my Mum and how she sat at the storeroom rummaging through the box that held my stuff from when I was younger. She held my pretty floral frock close to her chest and wept. She had cried so much the dress was all wet and soaking. I was in love with my Dad who sat by the river. I watched him as he took my note from his pocket , put it inside the bottle and sent it adrift into the river. The loan sanction documents lay beside him in folder. I loved little Sarah who was sitting at the playground and drawing a picture of a fairy. She had given the fairy my name. She was figuring out who was more real , her sister or the fairies from the stories I told her every night. I loved Anne , my best friend from second grade onwards. She knew everything about me and I loved her as she kept muttering to herself that Jacqueline was down with Chicken Pox and you were the natural choice ... albeit the second choice. I saw the sunrise, butterflies, people in my life, life full of possibilities. And I loved it.
The air outside was thick and dark. I watched the everyday jogger stop in front of my house and shed a sole tear. I saw our neighbor's dog Cooper get excited as a bird flew above his head. I saw strangers stroke his muzzle and how he cooed at their touch. I stood by as he turned to look up at my gate and saw the sky instead of me. I saw Old Aunt Jane read the newspaper and choke as she called out to Uncle Donald as she read about me in it.
The morning after I killed myself I woke up. I went back to the body at the morgue. Until then I had listened but not really heard anything. I wanted to tell her about everything I had just seen. The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself. I knew it could not be done.
( This is my entry for Week 8 of LjIdol - Friends and Rivals. The prompt was one of the four given for the week. I appreciate feedbacks and concrits as always. )
The unusual silence around the house was eerie. The silence was so loud, I didn't feel like calling for Mum , Dad or Sarah. I walked through the rooms and saw Mum sitting at the floor of the store room. She was rummaging through a box that held my stuff from when I was younger. She seemed so engrossed in the task that I decided to sneak out. The day was bright and warm. The lady down the street, the everyday jogger walked past in her pink and black striped track suit. She was smart and fit and I was happy to see her rather than feel annoyed by over zealous fitness passion. She often gave me lessons on building up a need to be fit. She said I needed to train my body young or I could never ever do it. Seeing her today triggered a singular want to be fit and smart.
I walked to the park. The river beside it has always been my favorite place. A place where I run to hide. When life attempted to shackle me, the absence of walls and waste expanse around the river helped me free myself. Today I didn't go to the river to be free. Today I was pulled by the bond with my father. I saw him sitting at the riverside. A bottle in hand and in unprecedented pensive mood. The last few days were full of strife. I wanted to pursue higher studies in medicine. He said it couldn't be done. We didn't have enough money to pull me through it. It didn't matter to me anymore. For some reason I didn't want anything to spoil the brightness of the day.
Sarah was at school. I passed by Old Aunt Jane and Uncle Donald's home. She was at the porch reading the newspaper.People with a fixed routine that gave them comfort rather than boredom. Maybe we all reach that stage when we stop running and sit and watch life go by peacefully. Sarah sat at the playground instead of running about and playing on the swing she so loved....
I saw Anne in front of the auditorium. Anne is my best friend. This was where we had our drama sessions. The Annual Drama Fest was around the corner. It would have been fun if I had been allowed to play the part of Juliet. I was so familiar with all the dialogues the famous lady-in-love had mouthed.But they wanted someone less plumper. Jacqueline with her porcelain skin and Barbie-figure was the obvious choice. Miss Emma said I could not do it.
My eyes opened. I WOKE UP. I felt in love. No not with the boy down the street. But with my Mum and how she sat at the storeroom rummaging through the box that held my stuff from when I was younger. She held my pretty floral frock close to her chest and wept. She had cried so much the dress was all wet and soaking. I was in love with my Dad who sat by the river. I watched him as he took my note from his pocket , put it inside the bottle and sent it adrift into the river. The loan sanction documents lay beside him in folder. I loved little Sarah who was sitting at the playground and drawing a picture of a fairy. She had given the fairy my name. She was figuring out who was more real , her sister or the fairies from the stories I told her every night. I loved Anne , my best friend from second grade onwards. She knew everything about me and I loved her as she kept muttering to herself that Jacqueline was down with Chicken Pox and you were the natural choice ... albeit the second choice. I saw the sunrise, butterflies, people in my life, life full of possibilities. And I loved it.
The air outside was thick and dark. I watched the everyday jogger stop in front of my house and shed a sole tear. I saw our neighbor's dog Cooper get excited as a bird flew above his head. I saw strangers stroke his muzzle and how he cooed at their touch. I stood by as he turned to look up at my gate and saw the sky instead of me. I saw Old Aunt Jane read the newspaper and choke as she called out to Uncle Donald as she read about me in it.
The morning after I killed myself I woke up. I went back to the body at the morgue. Until then I had listened but not really heard anything. I wanted to tell her about everything I had just seen. The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself. I knew it could not be done.
( This is my entry for Week 8 of LjIdol - Friends and Rivals. The prompt was one of the four given for the week. I appreciate feedbacks and concrits as always. )