I'm finding peace, it's been a long time coming
Ok, so maybe I'm getting over being mad (and depressed) at everyone and the world in general. I'm finding peace within myself, which is hard to do at times. I'm not going to try so hard for all the assholes who pretend to want to be with me, but really don't (they usually want ass) and this goes to multiple men. I'm tired of chasing them. If they wanted to be with me so bad, they would chase me just as hard but they don't, which apparently means they really don't want to be with me. I'm not going to let any man make me feel like I'm not good enough for him, that's for damn sure. If I ever start to feel like that in a relationship, it's over. I should never have to feel like that, like I'm not pretty enough, or I'm too fat, or my friends aren't rich, or that I'm trash b/c yeah, my mom lives in a trailer, I didn't grow up with money, that whatever I do to try to please them just isn't good enough or when I try to make them happy they tell me they they are never satisified. To hell with those types of guys, if they really cared for me, they'd tell me. If they really cared, they'd make me feel special, not like I'm a low-life, fat, trailer-trash whore. They'd see it when I had tears in my eyes and they'd try to make me feel better, not blow me off and tell me they didn't want to hear it. Maybe I'm not destined to be with anyone. Maybe I am. But I'm going to let them come to me, because those are the ones worth fighting for. Those are the ones worth putting everything in for. Those are the ones that when you look at them it doesn't hurt, you feel alive. And those are the ones worth it all. I do believe in love, in true mutual love. I haven't found it, although I was in love with someone, they didn't love me. I'm not a low-life b/c I did drugs. I'm better because I stopped. I'm not trailer-trash b/c I didn't grow up with money and my childhood wasn't so much a childhood. I'm a strong woman who has risen above what you never have and fought for it with every blood, sweat, and tear in my body until I didn't believe I could go any further and somehow I still picked up the pieces and went on. I'm not fat just because I'm not a size 3. I'm someone who has become a woman and doesn't look like a child anymore with the body of a woman with curves. And no man that really cared about me, even as a friend, would ever make me feel like I was any of those things. I know this is long, I'm sorry but there's so much I felt like I needed to say.