(no subject)
Let's blog a bit, shall we?
Brooklynn is 1 month old today.
it all went by so fast. the last 3 months i've been of work
2 of them took centuries.
1 of them doesn't seem to have happened at all.
but i look at her
and she's big!
she holds up her head
she holds her keys
she's a whole month old.
so i guess there's my proof
that the last month happened.
I'm starting to feel a bit trapped in this house.
Not because of Brooklynn, but because of my mom.
Things were so so great the entire time I was pregnant.
then i had her. how did that change things for the worse?
My mom said when Brooklynn was born that she didn't mind Di being the first one to hold her after me and zach because she knew that the next 2 months Brooklynn and I would be living with her, and she'd get that bonding time. But looking at it, I know she doesn't want it.
I am imposing in the home she told me i was finally welcome in.
Every 2 or 3 days she gets mad and starts throwing things (like clothes and papers, nothing hard) screaming that she's sick of the mess here. Sorry mom, having a baby isn't the cleanest. I'm trying. But I don't have very much space here. I'm trying to have all of my things and brooklynn's things in one room. she's mad that the old room isn't cleaned out yet, regardless of the fact that i've BEEN cleaning it out. Almost everything i want from there is boxed up now.
Next week Karrie is going to let us use her truck so we can take most of my furniture from my mom's house, to OUR apartment. Tonight, I'm sleeping over there. It will be an adventure with Brooklynn, but she'll get used to it. I know that she will.
We text EVERYDAY. we see eachother EVERY WEEK. i tell her EVERYTHING. It's been a while since I've felt this close with anyone. Everyone knows that when I started dating zach I let him become everything to me, and although that's not a bad thing, letting him take place of all of my friends, is. I'm glad to be getting those friendships back, starting with the most important one. because if i let this one die, then i broke the promise of childhood innocence. but that's not why we hold on. I hold on because we never really let go. we're a part of eachother now. it's not our choice, we're joined in a way stronger than us. and you know what? i love it, because i don't want to let go.
My birthday is in a month.
I turn the big 1-8!
That's a VERY weird feeling for me.
I reread a bunch of blogs the other day.
back from when i would practically count the days.
but didn't want to sound desperate so posted it in months.
"21 months until my 18th birthday!"
now it's a mere 35 days away.
and in 30, i won't need the insurance anymore.
so say hello to change of address slips.
from my mom's house, to the apartment.
and for once, i'll be completely welcome.
i feel like i belong there.
This feeling of not belonging anywhere, is so completely uncomfortable.
My mom doesn't want me here anymore, but i stay for the insurance
and zach's apartment is still his...
i know he says ours, but it's not.
i know he asks me when friends come over, but it's not quite the same.
it doesn't really affect me yet, the only difference is that he doesn't stay for hours, just a couple minutes.
but when i live there, i'll feel like i actually have a REAL say inthe matter.
Not only will i live there, but i'll be working and able to bring in my share of the money
and yes, i know that money is not everything. but it's for my own sake.
i HATE asking him for money
anyone who knows me knows how fiercly financially dependent i love to be.
I hate owing money to anyone, i hate having to wonder how we're going to make rent knowing there's nothing i can do. but guess what, i'm not 9 months pregnant anymore, i CAN go back to work to help. thank god for that eh?
For my birthday I only have 1 plan. We're gonig to sizzler. anyone else who wants to go with us, call me or just show up and we'll all eat together, keep in mind i pay for no one but myself so if you're coming bring money. lol. but sizzler is my favorite restaurant. hehe, and my favorite foods with my favorite people sounds perfect to me. No one has to buy me anything, I'm not expecting any gifts. All I want is company.
Oh, and I'm not sure exactly WHEN yet, but I know i'm piercing my nose really close to then. I know it's not very mother-like, but I don't think anyone should live their lives according to a stereotype. isn't happiness that we're going for? it's not hurting anyone. There's a difference between a 50 year old mom who suddenly goes out and gets a nose ring as a midlife crisis, and someone who's 17 (or older) who is doing something they've always wanted. My mind is made up.
Not sure when, 90% sure where, and not sure who with, but it's gonna happen. hell yeah. lol.
I called Wendy's today to talk to Tiffany (not the manager, Tiff, i used to work with but her assistant) and let her know what hours i was available to work and she said that melissa had to call HR since i'm a rehire. There's a woman there who works at another location who heard and said "is that the stephanie that worked here a year ago? omg, fuck HR, if you guys don't want her i'll take her! she knew her shit! fast learner too. she'll catch on like nothing!" hehe, made me feel good. I made a good impression there. It's nice that i have a guaranteed thing to go back to. Not only that they'll accept me, but that another manager is DEFINITELY willing to take me back.
I remember when I left and several managers from OTHER stores told me that if I quit and wanted to come back when I turned 18 or after i had the baby all i had to walk in and they'd rehire me. All the managers are saying how excited they are for me to come back, and how they're even more excited for when i turn 18 and they'll immediate make me a shift manager. I'd be a closer Monday through thursday and then prolly open Saturday and Sunday. I'll have Fridays off because that's when Zach will work his double. We'll never see eacother, but we'll have the money we need to make sure Brooklynn has whatever she needs, plus a little of what all 3 of us want. Financial security. As long as neither one of us screws up our jobs, we'll be set. I'll be manager at wendy's, zach a manager at papa john's, and then working as a driver for karrie's mom during the week.
well...at least we'll never go hungry eh? lol. We'll be fat, but we won't be hungry. lol.
I'm excited for our vacation in march. Zach and I are going to use our income tax returns to go to florida to see jen rich and the girls. I hope we can go in march. it depends on when we get our money back and how much the tickets are, if they're too much we'll wait a couple months. But the point is, we're going to FLORIDA! woot. lol. i've never been and i'm uber excited. We'll be taking SO many pictures, who knows when Brooklynn will be able to go to the beach again! lol.
This is turned into a very long blog. Blame Karrie, she asked me to write it. lol.
I'm glad I did though. Suddenly I have a much better perspective on my life. woot.
Well thanks to all for reading. Hope you enjoyed it! :D
♥ stephanie
ps. lj users, are you aware that some of my blogs are set to friends? if you aren't...you should go read them. :D
Brooklynn is 1 month old today.
it all went by so fast. the last 3 months i've been of work
2 of them took centuries.
1 of them doesn't seem to have happened at all.
but i look at her
and she's big!
she holds up her head
she holds her keys
she's a whole month old.
so i guess there's my proof
that the last month happened.
I'm starting to feel a bit trapped in this house.
Not because of Brooklynn, but because of my mom.
Things were so so great the entire time I was pregnant.
then i had her. how did that change things for the worse?
My mom said when Brooklynn was born that she didn't mind Di being the first one to hold her after me and zach because she knew that the next 2 months Brooklynn and I would be living with her, and she'd get that bonding time. But looking at it, I know she doesn't want it.
I am imposing in the home she told me i was finally welcome in.
Every 2 or 3 days she gets mad and starts throwing things (like clothes and papers, nothing hard) screaming that she's sick of the mess here. Sorry mom, having a baby isn't the cleanest. I'm trying. But I don't have very much space here. I'm trying to have all of my things and brooklynn's things in one room. she's mad that the old room isn't cleaned out yet, regardless of the fact that i've BEEN cleaning it out. Almost everything i want from there is boxed up now.
Next week Karrie is going to let us use her truck so we can take most of my furniture from my mom's house, to OUR apartment. Tonight, I'm sleeping over there. It will be an adventure with Brooklynn, but she'll get used to it. I know that she will.
We text EVERYDAY. we see eachother EVERY WEEK. i tell her EVERYTHING. It's been a while since I've felt this close with anyone. Everyone knows that when I started dating zach I let him become everything to me, and although that's not a bad thing, letting him take place of all of my friends, is. I'm glad to be getting those friendships back, starting with the most important one. because if i let this one die, then i broke the promise of childhood innocence. but that's not why we hold on. I hold on because we never really let go. we're a part of eachother now. it's not our choice, we're joined in a way stronger than us. and you know what? i love it, because i don't want to let go.
My birthday is in a month.
I turn the big 1-8!
That's a VERY weird feeling for me.
I reread a bunch of blogs the other day.
back from when i would practically count the days.
but didn't want to sound desperate so posted it in months.
"21 months until my 18th birthday!"
now it's a mere 35 days away.
and in 30, i won't need the insurance anymore.
so say hello to change of address slips.
from my mom's house, to the apartment.
and for once, i'll be completely welcome.
i feel like i belong there.
This feeling of not belonging anywhere, is so completely uncomfortable.
My mom doesn't want me here anymore, but i stay for the insurance
and zach's apartment is still his...
i know he says ours, but it's not.
i know he asks me when friends come over, but it's not quite the same.
it doesn't really affect me yet, the only difference is that he doesn't stay for hours, just a couple minutes.
but when i live there, i'll feel like i actually have a REAL say inthe matter.
Not only will i live there, but i'll be working and able to bring in my share of the money
and yes, i know that money is not everything. but it's for my own sake.
i HATE asking him for money
anyone who knows me knows how fiercly financially dependent i love to be.
I hate owing money to anyone, i hate having to wonder how we're going to make rent knowing there's nothing i can do. but guess what, i'm not 9 months pregnant anymore, i CAN go back to work to help. thank god for that eh?
For my birthday I only have 1 plan. We're gonig to sizzler. anyone else who wants to go with us, call me or just show up and we'll all eat together, keep in mind i pay for no one but myself so if you're coming bring money. lol. but sizzler is my favorite restaurant. hehe, and my favorite foods with my favorite people sounds perfect to me. No one has to buy me anything, I'm not expecting any gifts. All I want is company.
Oh, and I'm not sure exactly WHEN yet, but I know i'm piercing my nose really close to then. I know it's not very mother-like, but I don't think anyone should live their lives according to a stereotype. isn't happiness that we're going for? it's not hurting anyone. There's a difference between a 50 year old mom who suddenly goes out and gets a nose ring as a midlife crisis, and someone who's 17 (or older) who is doing something they've always wanted. My mind is made up.
Not sure when, 90% sure where, and not sure who with, but it's gonna happen. hell yeah. lol.
I called Wendy's today to talk to Tiffany (not the manager, Tiff, i used to work with but her assistant) and let her know what hours i was available to work and she said that melissa had to call HR since i'm a rehire. There's a woman there who works at another location who heard and said "is that the stephanie that worked here a year ago? omg, fuck HR, if you guys don't want her i'll take her! she knew her shit! fast learner too. she'll catch on like nothing!" hehe, made me feel good. I made a good impression there. It's nice that i have a guaranteed thing to go back to. Not only that they'll accept me, but that another manager is DEFINITELY willing to take me back.
I remember when I left and several managers from OTHER stores told me that if I quit and wanted to come back when I turned 18 or after i had the baby all i had to walk in and they'd rehire me. All the managers are saying how excited they are for me to come back, and how they're even more excited for when i turn 18 and they'll immediate make me a shift manager. I'd be a closer Monday through thursday and then prolly open Saturday and Sunday. I'll have Fridays off because that's when Zach will work his double. We'll never see eacother, but we'll have the money we need to make sure Brooklynn has whatever she needs, plus a little of what all 3 of us want. Financial security. As long as neither one of us screws up our jobs, we'll be set. I'll be manager at wendy's, zach a manager at papa john's, and then working as a driver for karrie's mom during the week.
well...at least we'll never go hungry eh? lol. We'll be fat, but we won't be hungry. lol.
I'm excited for our vacation in march. Zach and I are going to use our income tax returns to go to florida to see jen rich and the girls. I hope we can go in march. it depends on when we get our money back and how much the tickets are, if they're too much we'll wait a couple months. But the point is, we're going to FLORIDA! woot. lol. i've never been and i'm uber excited. We'll be taking SO many pictures, who knows when Brooklynn will be able to go to the beach again! lol.
This is turned into a very long blog. Blame Karrie, she asked me to write it. lol.
I'm glad I did though. Suddenly I have a much better perspective on my life. woot.
Well thanks to all for reading. Hope you enjoyed it! :D
♥ stephanie
ps. lj users, are you aware that some of my blogs are set to friends? if you aren't...you should go read them. :D