new chapter.
keegan left on thursday. it was a very sad day. i hadn't really thought about him leaving, and it hadn't occurred to me that i'd be sad. so here comes wednesday night.. i go to bed like pretty late.. like 1 or 2.. and keegan's still not home. i keep waking up in the middle of the night cause i hear noise and like people. i figure asa and jp and maybe ceci are at my house cause they usually are and they usually stay pretty late. i wake up at 5:30 [keegan was supposed to leave at 6] i go outside of my room and there are probably fifteen people in my living room. i just woke up my hair looked like shyte and i think i was wearing some really old cheerleading shorts. to sum it up, i looked ass-nasty. i was like "oh my god. there's so many people." and walked away really fast to my parents bedroom. turns out all of these people [his good friends and americorps people] stayed at my house through the night so that they could hang out with keegan and say goodbye to him. it was pretty nice. they didn't actually leave until me and my brother left to go put gas in the cars. i was fine up until then, i was still talking to my brother asking him if he was scared and whatnot. so my whole family is pumping gas.. and then i leave in my car.. i say goodbye to my parents and then to my brother. it was just a quick goodbye "have a safe trip, i'll see you soon" kinda thing. and then as i was taking off he was like 'be careful and be safe." i don't know it just made me feel weird. and then the waterworks came. like nonstop for a good while. so i had a good cry about it. it's pretty sad and lonely at home. cause my parents never seem to be home anymore. but.. it's okay. i'm okay. i'm on my own now. keegan's not looking out for me and telling me what not to do. i can do it, i'm a big girl. i just have to learn how to stand on my own two feet. my older brother's not there to help me along the way. i can do this. i know i can.