Now I'm Hungry***
I reported to the aunt who gave me the vegetarian cookbook how vegetarianism is going, and this post grew out of an e-mail to her.
I meant to write about a week ago that I weighed myself again out of curiosity. When I arrived back in the States, I weighed 146.6 lbs. Somewhere around a month later, I weighed 148.6 lbs. While not overly thrilling, I expect(ed) to regain 10-15--hopefully not 20--lbs. since I am no longer nearly as active as I was in India. I weighed myself again about a week ago--and I'm 144.5 lbs. Huh!? How did that happen? I'm not eating buckets of coconut oil every day anymore, but I'm not dancing two hours a day and walking and singing three hours and so forth either. I haven't even been purely vegetarian or purely healthy; I've eaten some pizza and pasta, and I've broken several rules several times like no eating after 7:30 or not drinking enough water. I'm tempted to weigh myself again, but I don't want to become obsessed with weighing myself and I'm scared of when the number goes up, even though everyone's weight fluctuates. Instead of on the scale, I should continue to focus on eating healthy and attempting to reincorporate yoga and dance practice into daily life.
I'm also seeking for a balance between absolutism and relativism. For example, it's better to eat pretzels than potato chips, but it's even better to eat whole-grain cracker-chips or carrots or possibly nothing at all. I like to give myself points for going with a healthier choice, but in the end, it stills hurts my body. To draw an analogy, God won't care on Judgment Day that I chose to steal something rather than murder someone. I'd call theft a lesser sin than murder, but it's still a sin. If I eat pretzels, that's better than potato chips but I could still wind up with high blood pressure in the end. The degree of relativism and absolutism will vary in every food choice, but I hate feeling guilty even when I go with a healthier choice like graham crackers instead of a candy bar (I should have eaten fruit! Or I shouldn't feel a need for something sweet; it's a cultural implant that insists that you need a dessert and not a legitimate biological need, one mental voice says). I certainly don't agonize over everything, but it's hard for me to be more forgiving with myself in any aspect of life.
Speaking of pretzels and potato chips, I'm trying to figure out exactly how many carbs I should be eating. I'm not afraid of carbs; my difficulty is I tend to eat them in place of vegetables. The great thing about cutting out meat is that I do eat more vegetables now, and I'm exploring all kinds of new veggies and grains to replace the hole the meat left. Still, it's hard to separate out cravings for carbs because my body needs more of them and cravings that come from plain laziness/convenience or mental whims. In other words, if I were a little kid, sometimes I need time to play and be imaginative and sometimes playing is avoidance of other important things like taking a bath or doing chores. However, I get fruit and veggie cravings too in the same way. Therefore, I'm trying to recast carb cravings that I've been told are bad into the suggestion that maybe I need some fuel for energy and then choose healthy carbs or mix them with some veggies like carrots. I still carb-binge, though, so maybe I need to revise how many carbs I think I need. Or find heavier ones.
Lady Bleu can definitely help me there. It's amazing how different bodies are, and her metabolism is so fast, she has to eat every couple hours or she passes out. Her carb and protein requirements are much higher than mine, and I worry that I intake more carbs than I should (no meat) just from influence**. But since I find myself carb-binging such as eating a bunch of pizza this past weekend or eating graham crackers and chips last night after choir, then I should listen and realize I need to incorporate more. I'm confused because I thought I incorporate enough. I mean, I eat at least one type of carb for every meal if not two. Maybe it's a nutrient in the carbs that I'm lacking. I haven't been eating any bread lately so maybe Lady Bleu and I can take a trip to a bakery and invest in some heavy, grain-rich bread. Perhaps that will do the trick where Wheat Thins and Triscuits fall short. Maybe I'll try to add a little more spinach and broccoli or leafy salad as well just to make sure I'm getting enough of those nutrients as well. Whatever it is, it will require more experimentation and more open-mindedness that maybe it's okay to eat some carbs as comfort food. I always feel guilty when I go for comfort food between meals, but even if it's purely a mental need and not physical, food is supposed to satisfy that as well. And if it's a healthy carb with fiber and whole grains, what's wrong with a snack? Maybe just mentally accepting that I need more carbs will allow my body to obtain more nourishment from them--Ayurveda suggests that as well, that you must believe the food will nourish you physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Sweets-wise, I actually haven't been eating too many sweets lately and have managed to mostly fulfill my sweet tooth with lots of fruit and some healthier carbs (sometimes I have to justify the copious amounts of Teddy Grahams I eat because otherwise I'd be eating candy and cookies). I seem to keep a better handle on my sweet tooth when I eat at least two, optimally three, kinds of fruit a day plus one or two sweet carbs*.
Overall, I'm doing pretty well exploring a vegetarian diet and learning to listen to my body more. I'll continue to explore recipes and foods and slowly replace less healthy foods with better substitutes (i.e. Ener-G vegetarian egg replacer in lieu of eggs). It's amazing how much of food and nutrition is mental. It sounds like I need therapy more than new recipes, but I learned a lot of stuff while I was abroad and I'm pleased with where I am.
*Sweet in this sense means the Ayurvedic definition of sweet: not just Teddy Grahams or candy but anything with a sweet taste including all grains, sugars, and meat.
**Don't worry, Lady Bleu. You're overall an excellent influence on me food-wise. You like cooking, you're open to trying all kinds of new foods and recipes (I didn't think you'd spring for trying to cook a quiche made of tofu and veggies), and you help me find motivation to try out new vegetarian recipes like the cantaloupe soup and the vanilla-lavendar vinaigrette. I think I gained the two pounds when I was with J. and there were too many lime tortilla chips and pasta and such in his bachelor pantry. That's another issue I'll have to figure out later--much later.
***Per usual practice, I wrote the title last.
I meant to write about a week ago that I weighed myself again out of curiosity. When I arrived back in the States, I weighed 146.6 lbs. Somewhere around a month later, I weighed 148.6 lbs. While not overly thrilling, I expect(ed) to regain 10-15--hopefully not 20--lbs. since I am no longer nearly as active as I was in India. I weighed myself again about a week ago--and I'm 144.5 lbs. Huh!? How did that happen? I'm not eating buckets of coconut oil every day anymore, but I'm not dancing two hours a day and walking and singing three hours and so forth either. I haven't even been purely vegetarian or purely healthy; I've eaten some pizza and pasta, and I've broken several rules several times like no eating after 7:30 or not drinking enough water. I'm tempted to weigh myself again, but I don't want to become obsessed with weighing myself and I'm scared of when the number goes up, even though everyone's weight fluctuates. Instead of on the scale, I should continue to focus on eating healthy and attempting to reincorporate yoga and dance practice into daily life.
I'm also seeking for a balance between absolutism and relativism. For example, it's better to eat pretzels than potato chips, but it's even better to eat whole-grain cracker-chips or carrots or possibly nothing at all. I like to give myself points for going with a healthier choice, but in the end, it stills hurts my body. To draw an analogy, God won't care on Judgment Day that I chose to steal something rather than murder someone. I'd call theft a lesser sin than murder, but it's still a sin. If I eat pretzels, that's better than potato chips but I could still wind up with high blood pressure in the end. The degree of relativism and absolutism will vary in every food choice, but I hate feeling guilty even when I go with a healthier choice like graham crackers instead of a candy bar (I should have eaten fruit! Or I shouldn't feel a need for something sweet; it's a cultural implant that insists that you need a dessert and not a legitimate biological need, one mental voice says). I certainly don't agonize over everything, but it's hard for me to be more forgiving with myself in any aspect of life.
Speaking of pretzels and potato chips, I'm trying to figure out exactly how many carbs I should be eating. I'm not afraid of carbs; my difficulty is I tend to eat them in place of vegetables. The great thing about cutting out meat is that I do eat more vegetables now, and I'm exploring all kinds of new veggies and grains to replace the hole the meat left. Still, it's hard to separate out cravings for carbs because my body needs more of them and cravings that come from plain laziness/convenience or mental whims. In other words, if I were a little kid, sometimes I need time to play and be imaginative and sometimes playing is avoidance of other important things like taking a bath or doing chores. However, I get fruit and veggie cravings too in the same way. Therefore, I'm trying to recast carb cravings that I've been told are bad into the suggestion that maybe I need some fuel for energy and then choose healthy carbs or mix them with some veggies like carrots. I still carb-binge, though, so maybe I need to revise how many carbs I think I need. Or find heavier ones.
Lady Bleu can definitely help me there. It's amazing how different bodies are, and her metabolism is so fast, she has to eat every couple hours or she passes out. Her carb and protein requirements are much higher than mine, and I worry that I intake more carbs than I should (no meat) just from influence**. But since I find myself carb-binging such as eating a bunch of pizza this past weekend or eating graham crackers and chips last night after choir, then I should listen and realize I need to incorporate more. I'm confused because I thought I incorporate enough. I mean, I eat at least one type of carb for every meal if not two. Maybe it's a nutrient in the carbs that I'm lacking. I haven't been eating any bread lately so maybe Lady Bleu and I can take a trip to a bakery and invest in some heavy, grain-rich bread. Perhaps that will do the trick where Wheat Thins and Triscuits fall short. Maybe I'll try to add a little more spinach and broccoli or leafy salad as well just to make sure I'm getting enough of those nutrients as well. Whatever it is, it will require more experimentation and more open-mindedness that maybe it's okay to eat some carbs as comfort food. I always feel guilty when I go for comfort food between meals, but even if it's purely a mental need and not physical, food is supposed to satisfy that as well. And if it's a healthy carb with fiber and whole grains, what's wrong with a snack? Maybe just mentally accepting that I need more carbs will allow my body to obtain more nourishment from them--Ayurveda suggests that as well, that you must believe the food will nourish you physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Sweets-wise, I actually haven't been eating too many sweets lately and have managed to mostly fulfill my sweet tooth with lots of fruit and some healthier carbs (sometimes I have to justify the copious amounts of Teddy Grahams I eat because otherwise I'd be eating candy and cookies). I seem to keep a better handle on my sweet tooth when I eat at least two, optimally three, kinds of fruit a day plus one or two sweet carbs*.
Overall, I'm doing pretty well exploring a vegetarian diet and learning to listen to my body more. I'll continue to explore recipes and foods and slowly replace less healthy foods with better substitutes (i.e. Ener-G vegetarian egg replacer in lieu of eggs). It's amazing how much of food and nutrition is mental. It sounds like I need therapy more than new recipes, but I learned a lot of stuff while I was abroad and I'm pleased with where I am.
*Sweet in this sense means the Ayurvedic definition of sweet: not just Teddy Grahams or candy but anything with a sweet taste including all grains, sugars, and meat.
**Don't worry, Lady Bleu. You're overall an excellent influence on me food-wise. You like cooking, you're open to trying all kinds of new foods and recipes (I didn't think you'd spring for trying to cook a quiche made of tofu and veggies), and you help me find motivation to try out new vegetarian recipes like the cantaloupe soup and the vanilla-lavendar vinaigrette. I think I gained the two pounds when I was with J. and there were too many lime tortilla chips and pasta and such in his bachelor pantry. That's another issue I'll have to figure out later--much later.
***Per usual practice, I wrote the title last.