So Sick
Vent post, beware bad night.
Having a hard time of it. This sickness is annoying. I feel a little better at times then worse again. Can't stop blowing my nose. Running a low grade fever usually at night and then in the daytime it comes down. Just feels like a really bad head cold, but if it doesn't get better soon, may have to call and see if the doctor will see me or call in antibiotics. If it is viral that won't help. Nothing they can do. Not having any respiratory symptoms so not likely I would go for a Covid test somewhere. I know I heard there is a testing center here now.
Depressed too. I get in these moods, probably because of my bipolar disorder, but also just feel like I don't want to be here. I miss my Michael. Our Anniversary is coming up in June, would have been married 22 years if he had lived. Six years without him and I still miss him and when times are rough, I just want him here more, I want to hug him. Horrible woman next door now has cameras on her yard and part of my house watching us 24 hours a day. Alex even puts a toe over there and she will call the cops on him. She would just love to have him put in juvenile detention. She hates us. We sued her over the horrible accident Alex had on a rusty old trampoline they used to have in the front yard. When Alex is grown 18 or 19 years old will need operations to fix his jaw and replace at least 4 front teeth. His nose was knocked off center when he hit the rusty metal that had no protective covers on it. They partially fixed it when the accident happened, but we had planned to have it completely fixed this summer and then the Coronavirus shut everything down. Not sure the hospitals are safe. We settled out of court and the woman's insurance company pays, not her. She is this evil Vietnamese woman. She has always been awful, but when Alex broke something on a nail salon chair in her yard that I guess she was going to take to her shop, she came to my door and started screaming at me and this horrible accent she has, saying I would have to buy her another chair, hundreds of dollars, I said I am not doing that! Get a lawyer! And I closed the door on her. Maybe if she hadn't been screaming in my face I would have helped her have it fixed, but Michael had just passed away. I thought I might lose my house and end up in a cheap apartment, have to sell stuff, and get a job somewhere because my disability check is not enough to live on. Thankfully since Michael was in the army and 100% disabled because of his Schizophrenia, even though I didn't get the money he got to support us anymore, I was able to apply for Survivor's benefits. The Army takes really good care of their own and their dependents. It took awhile, my Dad went with me to the VA office and Social Security office and one day I got a letter, we were approved, I got online and saw money was in my bank account again. I was so thankful. We could keep the house and had plenty of money to live off of and pay bills.
Sorry to ramble on tonight. I needed to vent again. That is mostly what I do unless I say different so don't feel like you have to read and reply to all this mess. It is late here and I feel so awful. This Covid thing on top of her, my sickness, needing to get the house together so we could move, Alex's problems, oh he is sick too, is just too much. I am thinking now we may have something different. He never ran a fever and seems in better shape than I am in.
I just want this nightmare to be over with. I want our world normal again, a nice neighborhood to live in, with a house kind of like this one. I like the house just not the neighbors. I know some people in a duplex that are kind, but I don't see them often. I will never live in a neighborhood with duplexes again. It seems to have only gotten worse over the last 6 years since I lost my Michael. More poor people and they just happen to be black which would be fine if they didn't wake me up blasting Rap music by my bedroom window. The whole neighborhood is just not what I grew up in, I am not being racist. We have had white neighbors that were horrible too. One that moved out after Michael died. We were always calling the cops on them for playing loud music out of his giant truck sitting in the yard. They would scream at us from across the street. I don't understand. I feel like I am being punished and I don't know why. What did I do that was so bad. All I ever wanted was a husband and a little house in a nice neighborhood and a couple of cats. I ended up having a son, Michael wanted him so much, but he has emotional problems and learning problems and now all this surgery ahead of him. All the terrible things happened to him right after his Dad died and I wonder why? I feel like a I suck as a Mother.
We did visit my Mom and Dad but sat at a distance on their porch earlier this evening before it got dark. We ate and talked and that was really nice. I just feel like I am missing out on time with them because of this Coronavirus. They are in their 80's. My Mom is diabetic, has had a stroke and other problems. She is having a lot of trouble with short term memory. She forgets why we have to stay 6ft or more apart.
Oh well, guess that is it. Going to make my son a quick snack so we can get to bed before it is horribly late. Up too late now. I have got into bad habits, I have a hard time going to sleep early.
~Deb.
Having a hard time of it. This sickness is annoying. I feel a little better at times then worse again. Can't stop blowing my nose. Running a low grade fever usually at night and then in the daytime it comes down. Just feels like a really bad head cold, but if it doesn't get better soon, may have to call and see if the doctor will see me or call in antibiotics. If it is viral that won't help. Nothing they can do. Not having any respiratory symptoms so not likely I would go for a Covid test somewhere. I know I heard there is a testing center here now.
Depressed too. I get in these moods, probably because of my bipolar disorder, but also just feel like I don't want to be here. I miss my Michael. Our Anniversary is coming up in June, would have been married 22 years if he had lived. Six years without him and I still miss him and when times are rough, I just want him here more, I want to hug him. Horrible woman next door now has cameras on her yard and part of my house watching us 24 hours a day. Alex even puts a toe over there and she will call the cops on him. She would just love to have him put in juvenile detention. She hates us. We sued her over the horrible accident Alex had on a rusty old trampoline they used to have in the front yard. When Alex is grown 18 or 19 years old will need operations to fix his jaw and replace at least 4 front teeth. His nose was knocked off center when he hit the rusty metal that had no protective covers on it. They partially fixed it when the accident happened, but we had planned to have it completely fixed this summer and then the Coronavirus shut everything down. Not sure the hospitals are safe. We settled out of court and the woman's insurance company pays, not her. She is this evil Vietnamese woman. She has always been awful, but when Alex broke something on a nail salon chair in her yard that I guess she was going to take to her shop, she came to my door and started screaming at me and this horrible accent she has, saying I would have to buy her another chair, hundreds of dollars, I said I am not doing that! Get a lawyer! And I closed the door on her. Maybe if she hadn't been screaming in my face I would have helped her have it fixed, but Michael had just passed away. I thought I might lose my house and end up in a cheap apartment, have to sell stuff, and get a job somewhere because my disability check is not enough to live on. Thankfully since Michael was in the army and 100% disabled because of his Schizophrenia, even though I didn't get the money he got to support us anymore, I was able to apply for Survivor's benefits. The Army takes really good care of their own and their dependents. It took awhile, my Dad went with me to the VA office and Social Security office and one day I got a letter, we were approved, I got online and saw money was in my bank account again. I was so thankful. We could keep the house and had plenty of money to live off of and pay bills.
Sorry to ramble on tonight. I needed to vent again. That is mostly what I do unless I say different so don't feel like you have to read and reply to all this mess. It is late here and I feel so awful. This Covid thing on top of her, my sickness, needing to get the house together so we could move, Alex's problems, oh he is sick too, is just too much. I am thinking now we may have something different. He never ran a fever and seems in better shape than I am in.
I just want this nightmare to be over with. I want our world normal again, a nice neighborhood to live in, with a house kind of like this one. I like the house just not the neighbors. I know some people in a duplex that are kind, but I don't see them often. I will never live in a neighborhood with duplexes again. It seems to have only gotten worse over the last 6 years since I lost my Michael. More poor people and they just happen to be black which would be fine if they didn't wake me up blasting Rap music by my bedroom window. The whole neighborhood is just not what I grew up in, I am not being racist. We have had white neighbors that were horrible too. One that moved out after Michael died. We were always calling the cops on them for playing loud music out of his giant truck sitting in the yard. They would scream at us from across the street. I don't understand. I feel like I am being punished and I don't know why. What did I do that was so bad. All I ever wanted was a husband and a little house in a nice neighborhood and a couple of cats. I ended up having a son, Michael wanted him so much, but he has emotional problems and learning problems and now all this surgery ahead of him. All the terrible things happened to him right after his Dad died and I wonder why? I feel like a I suck as a Mother.
We did visit my Mom and Dad but sat at a distance on their porch earlier this evening before it got dark. We ate and talked and that was really nice. I just feel like I am missing out on time with them because of this Coronavirus. They are in their 80's. My Mom is diabetic, has had a stroke and other problems. She is having a lot of trouble with short term memory. She forgets why we have to stay 6ft or more apart.
Oh well, guess that is it. Going to make my son a quick snack so we can get to bed before it is horribly late. Up too late now. I have got into bad habits, I have a hard time going to sleep early.
~Deb.