(no subject)
How do I get the motivation to move on with my life without feeling like a failure?
I'm hurt at times by the way the both of you put me down & make it seem like I've done nothing but wasted my life. But one thing for sure that you both don't know of is that the sacrifices I've made is for the whole family, not for myself. I've at times felt like an outcast being in my own home. While both of you dote on the other two, I'm left all alone to watch your sweet-nothings with them but deep inside I will always tell myself that you both dote on me in a different way, just to console myself & make it seem like there's nothing.
How does it feel when at times you do all the best that you can at home to make sure when all of you come home everything is ready for but when you are tired & had a bad day at work, you take it out in me? Is it fair in my part? Am I doll? Don't I have any feelings? Yet again, I don't complain. I'll just look down, walk away & cry because disobedience has never been my forte. I've never believed in being rude towards my elders. But how long more? How long more should I just keep silent? Keep silent & watch again & again the both of you putting me down? Ever since I lost my job, I never felt that I have the support of the both of you. Everyday you come back with nothing but un-motivational wors aimed towards me. It may be easy for the both of you to just say it but it holds a deep impact on me. I've never asked for anything except love & fairness from the both of you. But I'm 22 for heaven's sake & I deserve to have some time out with my friends.If not everyday, once a week at least. Is it too much to ask? Yet by just going out once a week you say that I should cut down on my outings. How much more? & I've never asked for any money from the both of you when I want to go out. I find means & ways so that I can afford what I want.
I feel better now that I've let it all out. I have never once hated the both of you but all I want is for the both of you to take the time & think at times of how I feel as a daughter. Because it isn't any fun being in my shoes.
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