(no subject)
i hate this but its prolly the first time i havnt seriously contemplated suicide on a day to day basis in the past 4 months and i actually feel worse that normally... Maybe i depend on that as an escape. and now thinking about it makes even more sense. maybe i rely on everything else too much. maybe i trust certain someones with my feelings and they get disregarded too often and I end up back in the same shit hole over and over again with out anything even happening. maybe i do actually need a professional help, and maybe medicine... but what happens when the medication stops? do i bottle up and explode, cause ive exploded severely with out bottling up... I am honestly scared of that. why cant i just have something normal for once? why cant i just be normal for once? why cant i ever have my way, and why is that such an extreme necessity? why cant i just succeed at anything, weather it be anything at all or just escaping everything. Why cant i just have something.....................