HBP Chapter Eighteen
*The biggest surprise being that somebody other than Harry is getting a birthday.
*For all the girl machinations in these books Hermione is incredibly obvious about being jealous of Ron. For all her superiority, she seems to care a lot more than he does. I’m surprised he’s not thrilled by this. ETA: I forgot, he's too stupid to get it.
*I know the whole Harry cheating storyline is kind of wonky because he’s actually just using different directions, but it still drives me crazy that people twist it into a story where he’s not cheating. Even when Hermione tells us Harry’s supposed to be understanding the principles instead of using a shortcut or cheat-which is exactly what he does. Can’t blame JKR for that one. She’s making it obvious enough that Harry’s Charlie McCarthy to Teen!Snape’s Edgar Bergen.
*ETA: And just like Charlie McCarthy, he won't ever publically acknowledge he's not doing his own talking.
*Note that Harry would never dare try the bezoar trick with Snape. Because Snape is a worse teacher than Slughorn. Totally.
*Blaise is in Potions. I don’t think I’d remembered that. So the four Slytherins are Draco, Blaise, Theo and one other person.
*That's now two teachers who have made a point of individual spirit and creativity being the mark of a truly great student…and each time with Hermione being held up as the wrong example. Of course both times it isn’t about Hermione being faulty so much as Harry (and Snape!) being better. But at least Snape actually is.
*Although again the author’s a little hard-pressed to really demonstrate what she’s talking about. The bezoar trick hardly shows an intuitive grasp of Potions-no more than knowing the Heimlich maneuver shows an intuitive grasp of medicine.
*Draco’s the only person looking angrier than Hermione. I may not ship D/Hr, but their characters actually do have interesting connections throughout the books. That’s more obvious post-HBP. ETA: I wonder if D/Hr shippers liked the RoR scene in DH.
*Everyone looks annoyed at Harry. Quick! Somebody write an essay explaining how even here Harry isn’t really favored!
*Harry reminds himself of Voldemort-awesome! ETA: No idea what that was about. Harry's nothing like Voldemort!
*Ron’s just resentful Harry didn’t give him a bezoar. Though Harry’s right on this one-they couldn’t both do it. ETA: Ron Weasley: can't even slack off as well as Harry Potter.
*Still, not exactly something to get infuriated about. Harry really needs to get used to other people having concerns other than him.
*Hermione hasn’t found anything about Horcruxes even though she’s been studying books of Dark Magic and learning how to make the most horrible Potions. And taking copious notes and making practice samples. Well, you never know when those are going to come in handy.
*ETA: Too bad she can't just say "Accio books about Horcruxes!" Oh wait.
*Seriously, doesn’t Hermione sound absolutely thrilled at describing all those most horrible books where they teach you to brew the most gruesome Potions?
*I sort of love Draco getting reprimanded like an 11-year-old, and the subtle little suggestion of inter-house rivalry about the whole thing with Snape allegedly annoyed that McGonagall was the one to scold him.
*Draco’s speaking is described as "Malfoy’s rudeness"-because we know how offended our narrator is by kids talking in class when the Trio is doing it.
*At least he doesn’t splinch himself in half so that Harry can tell us it was his own fault for not listening when Twycross said his name. ETA: Reading that now just makes me think of one of Ron's many stellar moments in DH: The splinching.
*Twycross announces they will be Apparating inside Hogwarts today. Much to my surprise after Hermione's constant warnings, the world does not end.
*By the way, don’t forget to take a drink on that-Twycross remembers to tell us you usually can’t Apparate within Hogwarts before announcing they will be.
*The students are ordered to stand with five feet of space in front of them. This somehow inspires lots of jostling and fighting, despite the fact that we ought to be talking about 40 people in a room that regularly seats over four times that.
*All the Ravenclaws want to be near the front. I think we may have gotten the very first suggestion that Ravenclaws are grinds in canon!
*Seems like Ravenclaws should be good at Apparating. It’s a mind-ish, airy thing. Like Slytherins are associated with Potions.
*This is like the chapter of firsts in all of canon. Harry says something to Malfoy that’s…not exactly antagonistic. And I really have no idea why-if he’d stayed quiet he might have heard something more helpful. It’s like he can’t help himself. And he speaks just loudly enough for Malfoy to hear, like the way Malfoy always talks to him from across rooms. OTP!!
*ETA: Clearly, that was by accident.
*Malfoy’s hand goes to his wand here-the kid’s already jumpy and paranoid as a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory.
*ETA: I guess that's the required foreshadowing of the Sectumsempra scene.
*ETA: It certainly isn't foreshadowing of Draco being at all defensively capable in DH!
*Old-fashioned wooden hoops appear. Old-fashioned for us readers, I assume. They can’t be all that old-fashioned to people who write with quills.
*Nice touch the way everyone looks around to make sure everyone else is staring into their hoops before doing it.
*Harry’s already forgotten what the three D’s stand for. Times like this I really do love Harry.
*Though of course if Harry was injured in the class he would deserve no sympathy because he didn’t pay attention enough! Right?
*And here’s my favorite funny moment in canon: Ernie MacMillan and his thrilling pirouetting leap into his hoop. I can picture it all too easily. ETA: Ernie's high point. Right there.
*So this isn’t so much a class but a teaching telling the kids to "do this" and then watching them struggle for an hour. I’m even more confused as to why kids don’t try this long before they come of age.
*ETA: Those Wizards. They just never follow rules. These are the same people who continue to be driven by a points contest that's blatantly arbitrary and unfair.
*Susan amputates her own leg, because she’s not determined enough. And people are going to let Neville try this?
*Hermione’s really not making much of an impression with her anti-Ron campaign, is she?
*Harry tells Ron he’s not fussed about Apparating, since he prefers flying. I think he’s trying to subtly come out to Ron.
*ETA: Not that Harry won't be able to do it, since the ability to not Apparate isn't connected to a strength of character.
*Peeves stops everyone from going down a passageway, so Harry and Ron take a shortcut that gets them to the Tower. One wonders why the don’t take the shorter route every time.
*Harry is disappointed to find Malfoy in the Slytherin Common Room. He was hoping he would find him with Voldemort in the Room of Evil, I guess.
*And in comes Neville, reeking of slapstick.
*Harry begins making unnecessary trips to the bathroom to think about Malfoy. ‘Nuff said.
*When he’s not paying attention, Harry begins thinking about Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle as humans with a friendship-and even compares them to the Trio!
*Hermione’s still not speaking to Ron into March? Jeez. Ron okay, because he’s always got people to hang out with, but Hermione doesn’t even have SPEW.
*Well, I guess it’s not surprising given that we see Ron a little sick of Lavender after Christmas yet he’s still going out with her. Kids at Hogwarts take a way long time to get on with these things. It’s almost as if they arrange them around the plot schedule…
*Dogbreath and Dughead are the two politest nicknames Twycross has inspired. Hopefully they’re also the two lamest.
*Harry gives Ron a present on his birthday-then gives himself a birthday by checking to see if Malfoy’s out of bed yet.
*Everybody thinks Ron’s watch is important, but I’m not so sure. It could just be a standard coming-of-age present. ETA: Yup, pretty much. Lame present for Ron.
*ETA: Though at least Ron isn't wearing a broken watch like Harry.
*This chapter reminds me of the illogical proofs of the Werewolf!Malfoy story. Draco’s disappearing off the map several times a day all month because he’s in the RoR somehow becomes Draco disappearing for a week each month because he’s a werewolf.
*Harry, sadly, will not be able to follow Malfoy around all day. People would miss him. Maybe he could ask Old!Ginny for tips on this sort of thing, from when she used to follow him around. If she hadn’t been killed and stuffed in a suit of armor by the new and improved version.
*Ron starts acting funny, having eaten chocolates he thought were for him, but had actually been sitting in Harry’s trunk for several months under his socks and underwear. I’ll bet he’s feeling funny. He’s lucky there aren’t some owl droppings in those cauldrons.
*Not that there should be-owls don’t leave droppings, they make pellets! (I learned that here!) They’re magic owl droppings.
*At this point in the series, I don’t even have to ask why Harry threw the Potioned cauldrons into his trunk instead of throwing them away. ETA: I'm sure that's the type of thing that would be used well in fanfic, suggesting that Harry can't throw food away because he might be starved again. Of course in canon Harry doesn't even think to bring food on a 9-month camping trip.
*Having been hit, Harry’s quite keen on the idea of Ron running around making a fool of himself-and Romilda too, presumably, but they’re supposed to be friends. Harry has now paid back Ron’s tremendous sacrifice of not laughing when Harry got his nose broken.
*Harry naturally doesn’t simply tell Lavender that Ron’s been drugged, because that would be too simple.
*I hate to think of what the look Harry really did give Lavender looked like, if not apologetic. Amused, yes, but probably also pleased or something.
*Fred and George’s Potions get stronger the longer you have them? That couldn’t be dangerous….
*Once Ron’s no longer dosed, Slughorn suggests they all start drinking. At seven o’clock in the morning.
*And then Slughorn the Potion Master whose job it is to make antidotes stands around like an idiot while Harry roots through his Potions kit and grabs a bezoar that Slughorn’s got right there in the room. I’d really hate that if it didn’t kind of make Snape the one who really saved Ron.
*ETA: I guess this is foreshadowing for the entire upcoming war where all the adults stand around forgetting all the skills they have while Harry does the obvious thing and gets praised for his amazing ability to act under pressure.
*You know, I just realized it’s kind of convenient that nobody-including Slughorn himself, it seems-thinks Slughorn wasn’t the real intended victim for that poison. Hasn’t he been paranoid all year? Isn’t he in hiding? Isn’t he the horcrux guy?
*Luckily, since there’s no investigation of the murder at all, this oversight doesn’t stand out.
Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo
Wait, somebody tried to murder someone? I mean, I know that there was already an attempted murder that was unsuccessful and the person was never caught-but why think they would try again?
IITS
Oh no. Someone is dying from poison. Poisons I spent all of last week explaining how to counteract. Whatever will I do? It is a good thing Harry Potter who knows nothing about Potions is here to save his friend with my own bezoar that he gave me.
Idiot Picture
Nice that everybody just trusts that Dumbledore’s doing something to find out who the murderer is.
Final score: 3
Slytherin Liquid Count: Slughorn’s cracking open the mead before breakfast. Ron drinks love potion in chocolate cauldrons and antidote before sucking down the poisoned-laced mead.
H/D alert: Harry goes into full stalker mode, checking for Malfoy in the bathrooms and in bed, thinking about the friendship of the Slytherin Trio, moving closer to him in class and talking to him.