11 HP Prisoner of Azkaban
Chapter Title: The Firebolt
>I swear the further we go in this book the more Harry acts like Bella Swan. At first, it was only annoyance over people wanting to keep an eye on him so he won't be kidnapped and killed. Then him angsting over not being able to go on a shopping trip because the man who is after him was nearby. In this chapter, Harry will have a fit because he has got an expensive gift from an unknown source and grown-ups are concerned it might be cursed. See Albus? This is what you get from sheltering Harry from his fame: a bratty celebrity that doesn’t know how to manage gifts/correspondence from unknown sources.
>”…why hadn’t anyone ever mentioned the fact that Harry’s parents had died because their best friend had betrayed them?” Sweetie, nobody told you because A) you are reckless brat who went after Acromantulas and Basilisk last year and B) all those people are pod-people without any training in teaching; they literally don’t know how to handle teenagers.
>Then again, Harry didn’t know about this up until this point because he doesn’t really speak with other students so he doesn’t know the newest gossip
>Goddamn, Jo once again dodged my questions. Harry’s brain is so bluescreened I will never learn how he crawled the stone slide >:(
>Sigh, once again twins show their maturity. This time they covered the common room in dungbombs… These guys are 15 right?
>Harry has sulky session with his photo album. He doesn’t notice Remus in photos, so does it mean he wasn’t invited? Or this is yet another example of Harry’s tunnel vision? +1 to LOL
>”Their best man ... Harry had never given him a thought before.” I don't know about you guys, but if I was orphan, I would consider the best man to be a great source of information about my parents. Kinda shows that Harry likes the idea of having parents, but doesn't particularly care about his biological parents.
>”A hatred such as he had never known before was coursing through Harry like poison.” Yes Albus, Harry’s secret power is love. It’s just hidden very deeply so his enemies won’t be able to steal it.
>Yes, the friend who risked his life to confront Sirius the betrayer is so important that Harry didn’t check how he looked and uses Neville as stand-in his imagined battle between Peter and Sirius.
>But, honestly I can understand Harry’s reaction. Or I could if Jo actually showed Harry wanting to get to know his dead parents.
>Hermione has her homework spread over 3 tables…It’s getting ridiculous. +1 to Uncovered
>I love how Ron and Hermione prepared for the discussion. In this scene, they act like an old married couple with Harry as their odd adopted dog :D
>”‘Malfoy’s dad must have told him,’ said Harry, ignoring Ron. ‘He was right in Voldemort’s inner circle -’ “ Harry, that is Lucius allegedly was DE. Be careful or Malfoys might send their lawyers after you ;)
>Seriously, Harry doesn’t work well in stressful situations. He usually either has a meltdown or decides to go on suicidal crusade. It’s a miracle he managed to both survive the war and be Auror for more than 5 minutes.
>So due to Ron’s foot-in-mouth syndrome the trio visits Hagrid. All Harry’s resolve to question Hagrid melts away when he sees Hagrid’s pathetic state. Which is double annoying, because Hagrid is the best person to shake down when you need answers.
>Fuck, finally someone tries to make Hagrid face the consequences of his actions. Only Jo tries to make us think Lucius is evil for going after incompetent and dangerous teacher. You know, unlike Harry who… oh.
>On one hand, I understand MoM’s position: Albus told them the attack on Draco wasn’t Hagrid’s fault, so obviously there is something wrong with the hippogriff if it attacked a student out of blue. On the other hand, Buckbeak wouldn’t be in danger if Hagrid admitted he screwed up.
>”They’ve got it in fer interestin’ creatures!’” considering of what kind of creatures Hagrid finds interesting, it’s no surprise they tend to have no tolerance policy towards "inerestin’ creatures”
>WTF? The trio spent at least 5 minutes talking with Hagrid and nobody noticed horse-sized creature full of feathers and claws? Just how big is Hagrid’s hut? +2 to LOL
>”On the other hand, there didn’t seem to be any particular harm in Buckbeak. In fact, by Hagrid’s usual standards, he was positively cute.” excuse me, but what? This is a temperamental eagle-horse hybrid that could easily disembowel human under 10 seconds. I’ll take both baby Norberta and Fluffy before even considering getting close to this feathery menace.
>Obviously if somebody goes against our protagonist or his allies they must be in dark side’s pocket, not a concerned responsible adult.
>And once again kids sign up for helping Hagrid cover his screw-ups. This is what? Fourth? Fifth time?
>”Hagrid howled still more loudly. Harry and Hermione looked at Ron to help them." What? Jo, why do you keep insisting on writing Hagrid as some kind of savage?
>Ron is adorable here. And so stereotypically British. Somebody is upset? Make tea! Still upset? MORE TEA!
>Poor Flobberworms, they weren’t cute enough to survive Hagrid’s slump.
>Just how often Hagrid has to go for a drink to Hogsmeade to say “‘Gotta walk past ’em ev’ry time I want a drink in the Three Broomsticks. ’S like bein’ back in Azkaban -’”?
>”Thought I was goin’ mad. Kep’ goin’ over horrible stuff in me mind [..] day I had ter let Norbert go …’" ok, now it's just creepy. Hagrid had Norberta for at most 2 weeks, yet sending her away to place where she could be happy is one of the worst memories for him… Is he a pokemon trainer?
>...Just how strong is MoM’s grip on Dementors if they try to not let prisoners go when authorities come for them?
>Hagrid is afraid of (once again) releasing into wild one of his creatures because he would be breaking the law and might land in Azkaban. First of all, I doubt Dumbledore wouldn't cover his ass for it. Second I doubt MoM would do anything more than fine Hagrid if Buckbeak happened to break any hypothetical safety measures. Sure MoM would try to hunt the hippogriff down, but right now they are more focused on catching Sirius, so Buckbeak would have a nice head start.
>Besides I’ve been hearing about this swell guy called Newt Scamander, who would probably enjoy helping Hagrid smuggle “cute” creatures.
>The trio has problems with finding a good ruling for Hagrid’s case. Shame wizards don’t use Dewey Decimal system. Or have internet
>Rowling wasn’t satisfied with giving Harry just one free McGuffin, no she had to give him unreleased professional tier broom. Only the best for her darling!
>No seriously a great opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection tossed aside in favour of some more drama between the trio *shakes head*
>Boys' theories onto who could afford to spoil Harry grow wilder and wilder, yet neither of them wonders if the broom isn't cursed. I guess since they checked off "cursed murderous item” and “DADA teacher is trying to kill Harry” from their bingo cards, they feel safe. +2 to DC +3 to LOL
>Ugh, Hermione is such inconsiderate pet owner. Just because it’s natural for cats to hunt rodents, it doesn’t mean you can’t keep your clawed friend away from other pets.
>”‘I dare not, Headmaster! If I join the table, we shall be thirteen!” Well then, we need to find a thief for this adventure. Preferably a Hobbit!
>In the universe where numerology and calendar seem to be very important in dark magic, staff treating Sybil like a loon for avoiding certain situations is plain odd. +1 to LOL
>Wait, why Sybil doesn’t know where is Lupin? Astronomy plays a big role in divination so she should know the lunar calendar quite well. Does it mean that only some members of staff know about Remus' lycanthropy?? What kind of Russian roulette are you playing Albus??? +2 to LOL
>”‘I doubt it will make much difference,’ said Professor McGonagall coldly, ‘unless a mad axe-man is waiting outside the doors to slaughter the first into the Entrance Hall.’” As much as I appreciate Minerva’s black humour, she probably shouldn't be giving any ideas to an insane murderer who already managed to break into the school.
>I cannot believe it, but I both agree and disagree with what Hermione did here. On one hand, we have already seen in previous books that cursed objects can compel you to keep interacting with them and with boys sitting gawking at the broom like it was Mirror of Erised, it is worrying. On the other hand, Hermione didn't even try to convince boys that there is something wrong with the broom and the professionals should take a look at it.
>If this chapter shows anything, it’s Harry’s need for a fuckton of sessions with a psychotherapist. And possibly some meds. Also, Hermione needs to be dragged to Pomfrey so she can be scolded for creating an insane study schedule. Just imagine what would happen if she managed to keep up with the classes in the next few books.
Crime Count: 0
Death Count: 2
Freud Would Be Proud: 0
Leap of Logic: 9
Uncovered: 1
Spell Count: 0