Harry Potter Abridged! DH Chapter 3
[Later that evening, the Dursleys call Harry down to talk]
Harry: So what do you want from me now?
Uncle Vernon: The wizards are telling us we’re in danger and have to move again!
Harry: Didn’t you realize that when Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mr. Weasley came by earlier this summer to explain everything?
Uncle Vernon: I blocked that visit out of my memory, thank you very much.
Harry: Well, the fact is, you have to go into hiding or Voldemort will use you to get to me!
Uncle Vernon: Do we at least get a say in who takes us into hiding? Someone like Kingsley Shacklebolt, perhaps?
Harry: Color me shocked that you’re not racist! But, anyway, Kingsley has other things to attend to right now. You will be hidden by two people I have never met or paid attention to for any length of time, but I’m sure they’re up to the task! [to self] And it’s not like I’d care if you did get killed, anyway.
Uncle Vernon: But there’s still the matter of our work and school!
Dudley: Oh, bother all that! I’ll do anything to avoid getting tortured and killed by more sadistic wizards and their pets!
Harry: See? Even Dudley agrees with me!
[In a few minutes, two people named Dedalus Diggle and Hestia Jones arrive]
Harry: Oh, good! You’ve come to set me free from these evil relatives who abuse me in all sorts of horrible ways!
Dedalus Diggle: Alright, are you muggles all packed? Yes? Good! Now, who here knows how to drive?
Uncle Vernon: You mean to tell me you can’t?
Dedalus Diggle: Why on earth should a wizard like myself bother learning about such an inferior method of transport?
Uncle Vernon: Very well-I will drive, then.
Dedalus Diggle: Good, good! We’re in a hurry, so if you will just come with us, Harry, someone will pick you up later!
Uncle Vernon: Oh, good, good! Let’s go!
[He and Aunt Petunia walk toward the door, but Dudley is still hesitant]
Dudley: Mother, Father, do we really have to leave Harry with these people?
Uncle Vernon: He’s happier this way! Just come along now!
Hestia Jones: What?! How dare you talk about your savior like that you insolent muggle!
Harry: It’s fine-I get this all the time from them. And worse!
Dudley: For what it’s worth, I’m beginning to feel sorry about how I treated you and think you might be alright.
Harry: Oh, good! Finally you’ve realized that I deserve better than you were ever prepared to give me! Took you long enough!
Hestia Jones: Filthy muggles, treating the Chosen One so harshly. I never!
Aunt Petunia: Dudley, can we please be off?
[Dudley goes toward the car. Now Aunt Petunia hangs back.]
Aunt Petunia: [Stares at Harry]
Harry: I’ll just stare at you in response. [Stares at Aunt Petunia]
Aunt Petunia: Good-bye.
[The group departs, leaving Harry alone]
Harry: So what do you want from me now?
Uncle Vernon: The wizards are telling us we’re in danger and have to move again!
Harry: Didn’t you realize that when Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mr. Weasley came by earlier this summer to explain everything?
Uncle Vernon: I blocked that visit out of my memory, thank you very much.
Harry: Well, the fact is, you have to go into hiding or Voldemort will use you to get to me!
Uncle Vernon: Do we at least get a say in who takes us into hiding? Someone like Kingsley Shacklebolt, perhaps?
Harry: Color me shocked that you’re not racist! But, anyway, Kingsley has other things to attend to right now. You will be hidden by two people I have never met or paid attention to for any length of time, but I’m sure they’re up to the task! [to self] And it’s not like I’d care if you did get killed, anyway.
Uncle Vernon: But there’s still the matter of our work and school!
Dudley: Oh, bother all that! I’ll do anything to avoid getting tortured and killed by more sadistic wizards and their pets!
Harry: See? Even Dudley agrees with me!
[In a few minutes, two people named Dedalus Diggle and Hestia Jones arrive]
Harry: Oh, good! You’ve come to set me free from these evil relatives who abuse me in all sorts of horrible ways!
Dedalus Diggle: Alright, are you muggles all packed? Yes? Good! Now, who here knows how to drive?
Uncle Vernon: You mean to tell me you can’t?
Dedalus Diggle: Why on earth should a wizard like myself bother learning about such an inferior method of transport?
Uncle Vernon: Very well-I will drive, then.
Dedalus Diggle: Good, good! We’re in a hurry, so if you will just come with us, Harry, someone will pick you up later!
Uncle Vernon: Oh, good, good! Let’s go!
[He and Aunt Petunia walk toward the door, but Dudley is still hesitant]
Dudley: Mother, Father, do we really have to leave Harry with these people?
Uncle Vernon: He’s happier this way! Just come along now!
Hestia Jones: What?! How dare you talk about your savior like that you insolent muggle!
Harry: It’s fine-I get this all the time from them. And worse!
Dudley: For what it’s worth, I’m beginning to feel sorry about how I treated you and think you might be alright.
Harry: Oh, good! Finally you’ve realized that I deserve better than you were ever prepared to give me! Took you long enough!
Hestia Jones: Filthy muggles, treating the Chosen One so harshly. I never!
Aunt Petunia: Dudley, can we please be off?
[Dudley goes toward the car. Now Aunt Petunia hangs back.]
Aunt Petunia: [Stares at Harry]
Harry: I’ll just stare at you in response. [Stares at Aunt Petunia]
Aunt Petunia: Good-bye.
[The group departs, leaving Harry alone]