Why can't this kiss be true.
title : why can't this kiss be true.
author : cattastrophy
pairing : Andreas x Eric
rating : no idea.
summary : It would break everything. It would destroy the kisses, the cuddling, the sex. The love he pretend they shared.
disclaimer : i don't own a band, never gonna happen.
author notes : i'm still from denmark. bad grammar. and btw, i hope you get it (:
listening to : koRn - kiss
There he was.
Standing so close he could hear his voice, yet so far he couldn't hear the words.
Talking to some pretty boys, laughing, drinking. Putting up a facade, heavy flirting.
He wish he was doing it to him. That he were the person inside his mind right now.
Thinking of the moments where he actually was. Those moments when they met up in the beds instead of him meeting up with random guys. He hated seeing his perfectly lover just walk away like that, random guys in his hands, in his head. In his heart... he didn't know.
He did it often. Again and again breaking the already fragile heart. But he couldn't tell him how he felt. He simply couldn't.
It would break everything. It would destroy the kisses, the cuddling, the sex. The love he pretended they shared.
It would take away the only one he's ever loved this much. And he couldn't let that happen.
Though he wanted him to know. He truly wanted him to know how he wanted him so badly, how much that special man meant to him. That blackhaired, blue eyed beautiful, gorgegous man, inside out simply beautiful. In every possible way.
He wanted him to know he couldn't, wouldn't live without him, that his heart were bounded, wounded. Right here, right next to him. He wanted him to know how much it hurts him when he walked away, not one single word, not a sight, nothing between them. Just walking away with a random guy in his hand, doing the exact thing they used to do. Fucking. Banging. Kissing.
Just the thought of other guys kissing those lips were unbearable. Thought of other fingertips running down his naked body, touching him, made him cry inside.
He wanted him, wanted to be with him, and he just couldn't tell him.
And now he stands there, flirting, faking in every way he can, playing tricks and games. He knew every move. He'd been there, being tricked and played with several times. Never shown how much it hurt him, of course. Feeling were not anything he could show this gorgeous human being.
It was too dangerous, too risky.
And then the hands started touching the other body, gazing deeply into each other. One hand up in the black hair, the other at the chin. Pulling him closer, slowly. Closed eyes... Lips touching, heart breaking, aching, screaming, and he have to look away. He simply can't stand the way they almost eat each other.
Looking a whole new direction, his eyes pulling him back to where he started, giving his heart another needle or two, bringing tears to eyes.
But never cry. Never cry.
Looking, staring at how he walks away with the stranger, not even knowing the name, knowing nothing, except how good looking the other guy is.
No, he didn't tell his lover much about himself. To prevent himself of getting hurt, he avoided to let his lover know him, know how he felt, know who he was. There were no taking changes here, this bond could break any time.
But the way he just seemed like didn't care, the way it felt like it was only sex... like his lover didn't care if it was a random guy, or if it was him he was fucking. Like it didn't matter, made the tears push hardly into the back of his eyes. Keeping them back was a trained talent, but his screaming heart he couldn't do anything about.
It wouldn't stop, for every time this happened, the feelings, the god damn emotions grew bigger, hurting more and more. Being almost unbearable. Horrible. Just a burning hell.
His heart trying to dig its way out of this shitty state, this useless, obsessed body, his mind running wild with thoughts, solutions, denies, questions, answers, meaningless words, and not one single thing to be heard. Every voice screaming over the other, never agreeing.
His body shaking, screaming, tears running wild inside, one drop making its way down his cheek, not even being whipped away. He simply couldn't.
He needed to get away.
He needed him to know. He needed to tell this to someone, get it out of his body. He needed him to know... He really did.
He couldn't stand this anymore, then break the bond, destroy everything they had to never get back again, just as long as this pain and suffering would disappear, he could stand it.
He... he had no other solutions.
And as his whole body moved across the room, nothing connected with the others, walking without getting the order to, moving closer the closed door, moving closer his lover... and his lover's fuckbuddy.
He wasn't breathing, wasn't blinking, just staring at the door, heart up in the throat, beating, hammering, thousands of words inside his head, yet not one single one to give any meaning.
He put the hand on the doorknob.
Opened the door.
“Andreas, what the fuck are you doing?!” his lover's fuckbuddy quickly jumping down under the blanket, Eric looking at him with a killing sight, anger in his eyes.
“Get the fuck out, I'm in the middle of something!”
And he left.
Crash...
author : cattastrophy
pairing : Andreas x Eric
rating : no idea.
summary : It would break everything. It would destroy the kisses, the cuddling, the sex. The love he pretend they shared.
disclaimer : i don't own a band, never gonna happen.
author notes : i'm still from denmark. bad grammar. and btw, i hope you get it (:
listening to : koRn - kiss
There he was.
Standing so close he could hear his voice, yet so far he couldn't hear the words.
Talking to some pretty boys, laughing, drinking. Putting up a facade, heavy flirting.
He wish he was doing it to him. That he were the person inside his mind right now.
Thinking of the moments where he actually was. Those moments when they met up in the beds instead of him meeting up with random guys. He hated seeing his perfectly lover just walk away like that, random guys in his hands, in his head. In his heart... he didn't know.
He did it often. Again and again breaking the already fragile heart. But he couldn't tell him how he felt. He simply couldn't.
It would break everything. It would destroy the kisses, the cuddling, the sex. The love he pretended they shared.
It would take away the only one he's ever loved this much. And he couldn't let that happen.
Though he wanted him to know. He truly wanted him to know how he wanted him so badly, how much that special man meant to him. That blackhaired, blue eyed beautiful, gorgegous man, inside out simply beautiful. In every possible way.
He wanted him to know he couldn't, wouldn't live without him, that his heart were bounded, wounded. Right here, right next to him. He wanted him to know how much it hurts him when he walked away, not one single word, not a sight, nothing between them. Just walking away with a random guy in his hand, doing the exact thing they used to do. Fucking. Banging. Kissing.
Just the thought of other guys kissing those lips were unbearable. Thought of other fingertips running down his naked body, touching him, made him cry inside.
He wanted him, wanted to be with him, and he just couldn't tell him.
And now he stands there, flirting, faking in every way he can, playing tricks and games. He knew every move. He'd been there, being tricked and played with several times. Never shown how much it hurt him, of course. Feeling were not anything he could show this gorgeous human being.
It was too dangerous, too risky.
And then the hands started touching the other body, gazing deeply into each other. One hand up in the black hair, the other at the chin. Pulling him closer, slowly. Closed eyes... Lips touching, heart breaking, aching, screaming, and he have to look away. He simply can't stand the way they almost eat each other.
Looking a whole new direction, his eyes pulling him back to where he started, giving his heart another needle or two, bringing tears to eyes.
But never cry. Never cry.
Looking, staring at how he walks away with the stranger, not even knowing the name, knowing nothing, except how good looking the other guy is.
No, he didn't tell his lover much about himself. To prevent himself of getting hurt, he avoided to let his lover know him, know how he felt, know who he was. There were no taking changes here, this bond could break any time.
But the way he just seemed like didn't care, the way it felt like it was only sex... like his lover didn't care if it was a random guy, or if it was him he was fucking. Like it didn't matter, made the tears push hardly into the back of his eyes. Keeping them back was a trained talent, but his screaming heart he couldn't do anything about.
It wouldn't stop, for every time this happened, the feelings, the god damn emotions grew bigger, hurting more and more. Being almost unbearable. Horrible. Just a burning hell.
His heart trying to dig its way out of this shitty state, this useless, obsessed body, his mind running wild with thoughts, solutions, denies, questions, answers, meaningless words, and not one single thing to be heard. Every voice screaming over the other, never agreeing.
His body shaking, screaming, tears running wild inside, one drop making its way down his cheek, not even being whipped away. He simply couldn't.
He needed to get away.
He needed him to know. He needed to tell this to someone, get it out of his body. He needed him to know... He really did.
He couldn't stand this anymore, then break the bond, destroy everything they had to never get back again, just as long as this pain and suffering would disappear, he could stand it.
He... he had no other solutions.
And as his whole body moved across the room, nothing connected with the others, walking without getting the order to, moving closer the closed door, moving closer his lover... and his lover's fuckbuddy.
He wasn't breathing, wasn't blinking, just staring at the door, heart up in the throat, beating, hammering, thousands of words inside his head, yet not one single one to give any meaning.
He put the hand on the doorknob.
Opened the door.
“Andreas, what the fuck are you doing?!” his lover's fuckbuddy quickly jumping down under the blanket, Eric looking at him with a killing sight, anger in his eyes.
“Get the fuck out, I'm in the middle of something!”
And he left.
Crash...