You still have all of me.
Title: you still have all of me.
Author: cattastrophy
Pairing: Andreas x Emil
Rating: no idea.
Summary: The petting, the kissing, the cuddling and snuggling continuing. The love building, the bond connecting.
Disclaimer: i don't own a band, never gonna happen. d'oh.
Author Notes: possible with some lack in grammar. being from denmark doesn't make english language come easy to me. and hey, first post here. let's see if this will even work out..
I love you.
Three simple words. It couldn't be that hard. Thee simple, small words. With meaning and with responsibility, of course. Still, it couldn't be that hard to say it. Just once.
Not that he wasn't sure. Of course he was. Deep down in his stomach, in his heart he felt the true, passionate love they shared.
Deep down in the early childhood years it had existed. Known or unknown, he didn't know. But it was there for sure. He knew, from the very first kiss.
He was 15 years old, Andreas was 16. Best friends since age 2 and all that. They'd decided to go to the beach. Late, swedish summer evening.
The red sun giving the ocean a whole other color. The scenario a whole other feeling than in the middle of the day. No screaming kids, no confused parents, no people at all. Just those two, sitting in the sand, beer in one hand, smoke in the other.
They'd talked for several hours. Awkward silence didn't really exist between them. Andreas wasn't much of a talker, Emil neither. But they always talked, listened differently, filled out the spaces. Everywhere. When they were together.
They'd been talking about love that day, about girls. Or, Andreas had. At that time, he'd been in relationships with 5 different girls. And the one night stand's were even much higher.
And as the only person in the world, besides Andreas himself, Emil knew three guys also had come along in the long list.
Emil had never had a relationship. He was still virgin at that time. Not proud at it at all. He actually hated talking about it. Even with Andreas. Though Andreas was so sweet to him when they got to that subject, he still hated the feeling. Hated the one single thought that always came to mind when it came to that damn subject.
I'm fat. I'm ugly. Nobody wants me.
He hated his body. He was then, have always been, jealous at how perfectly Andreas were built compared to him. Emil was chubby, his body far from goodlooking. So he thought. Andreas didn't, he always told him how beautiful he was. But the happiness from those words disappeared just as quickly as it had came to him.
And also that specific day, they talked about it. Emil trying to open up as much as possible about the hatred he felt towards himself. Andreas listening, nodding, looking at him, kept repeating “you're beautiful, you're gorgeous”.
He had, after maybe ten minutes, put a hand into the long, wavy hair in Emil's neck, his fingers connecting with the structures. A hard, yet tender grab that made Emil calm down, feel what Andreas was thinking; “I can't live without you”
They've moved closer, looking into each others eyes. Still none of them sure what would happen next.
Maybe Andreas had been sure, Emil couldn't tell. He just remember how their lips met, and in that moment all thoughts disappeared, mind on standby, emotions and feelings racing through him, heart beating faster, in another world where only two people existed. Lips meeting again and again.
He just remembered how good a kisser Andreas was, how scared he was himself to do anything wrong. Gave all control away to Andreas, letting himself guide by the lips of the other boy.
It had been a long kiss. Felt like forever, yet not enough at the same time. And when the hand in his hair wasn't to feel anymore, the lips moving away, he wanted more. Butterflies, bats, birds swirling around in his stomach, crippling up his spine, making his cheeks blush.
“Like a flower blossoming” Andreas had said with a smirk. Emil blushing even more.
That was the very first kiss between them, very first kiss to Emil.
They'd went home to Andreas' place, nobody there.
They'd touched, cuddled, did everything except being inside each other. He knew Andreas wanted it, oh so badly he wanted it, but Emil wasn't ready. And he had kissed his forehead, telling him it was okay, telling him they had plenty of time, put his arms around his fat, disgusting body and dragging him up close.
Emil again feeling disgusted by himself, but Andreas' hand petting his nipples, his chest, his stomach made him relax, then fall asleep. In the arms of the perfect man.
The sex they saved until they were around the twenties. In the meantime Andreas had had sex many, many more times. Everytime Emil felt like he needed him more, started to get sad everytime Andreas told him about it. But Andreas still had Emil as his number one, the petting, the kissing, the cuddling and snuggling continuing. The love building, the bond connecting.
And the day came sooner than Emil had ever dared to think of. Again at Andreas place, again going hard on each others bodies, hard boners, dancing tongues, sex as hard as it can be, without being completely sex.
Andreas had turned him onto his back, stroking him, kissing him, soon taking off both their underwear, laying completely naked in top of him. Looking into his icy blue eyes.
Emil looking nervous and afraid, still curious.... Ready.
Andreas starting with lubing his fingers, touching Emil inside, getting him prepared.
Then pushing himself into him, Emil remember holding back a scream of pain, Andreas looking at him, stroking his beautiful hair. “Are you ready? Does it hurt? You are tighter than I've ever tried” and lots of other stuff Andreas had said while taking the guys virginity.
In the end, Andreas had made Emil come, then coming inside him. And right after, holding him so close to his naked body, protecting him against all evil. Emil cried, only a little.
Free for that virginity title, free. And of course they did it more and more often as the years passed by.
But the relationship wasn't just kissing and sex. It was friendship and love, in a whole other level than neither Emil, nor Andreas had every experienced.
And Emil had also told him how much he loved him. Several times he'd told him.
He knew Andreas felt it the way it was meant, he knew how much happiness and love he was putting in the smiling 'thanks' he always replied with.
But it was about time Andreas said it. Really told him. Would make his life, his world so much easier if he knew Andreas actually were his boyfriend, that they were together.
All those dreams about marriage, house, happy life etc. had crossed his mind more and more often.
And it was about time...
He had decided to confront Andreas. To tell him how he felt, to tell him how he wanted to feel.
How he wanted things to be.
Time for Emil to take control.
And as he walked towards the corridor of hotel rooms, opening Andreas door, looking at him, he had it perfectly planned out what to say, what Andreas would say, and how they'd end up kissing luckily thereafter.
He sat down beside him in the cough, Andreas turning down the volume of the TV a little. Looking at him curious.
“What's up, hun?” he said, shortly stroking his hand through Emil's long hair as he always did.
Emil taking the courage he needed to get this over his lips.
“Andy... I love you. I'm in love with you. And... I wanna be with you. And...”
Andreas smiling shortly, taking his hand. “And?”
“And I want you to tell me you love me. I know you do, I just... I need to hear it”.
All words said and done, Emil feeling almost proud of himself to just go in there and telling Andreas what to do, just like that. Though it was almost nothing, he felt happy, and the smile that crossed on Andreas lips, the melting eyes, the warmth of his body almost told him the reaction before it even had been said. So he thought...
“I don't love you. Silly boy”.
And then he left, door shut behind him...
Author: cattastrophy
Pairing: Andreas x Emil
Rating: no idea.
Summary: The petting, the kissing, the cuddling and snuggling continuing. The love building, the bond connecting.
Disclaimer: i don't own a band, never gonna happen. d'oh.
Author Notes: possible with some lack in grammar. being from denmark doesn't make english language come easy to me. and hey, first post here. let's see if this will even work out..
I love you.
Three simple words. It couldn't be that hard. Thee simple, small words. With meaning and with responsibility, of course. Still, it couldn't be that hard to say it. Just once.
Not that he wasn't sure. Of course he was. Deep down in his stomach, in his heart he felt the true, passionate love they shared.
Deep down in the early childhood years it had existed. Known or unknown, he didn't know. But it was there for sure. He knew, from the very first kiss.
He was 15 years old, Andreas was 16. Best friends since age 2 and all that. They'd decided to go to the beach. Late, swedish summer evening.
The red sun giving the ocean a whole other color. The scenario a whole other feeling than in the middle of the day. No screaming kids, no confused parents, no people at all. Just those two, sitting in the sand, beer in one hand, smoke in the other.
They'd talked for several hours. Awkward silence didn't really exist between them. Andreas wasn't much of a talker, Emil neither. But they always talked, listened differently, filled out the spaces. Everywhere. When they were together.
They'd been talking about love that day, about girls. Or, Andreas had. At that time, he'd been in relationships with 5 different girls. And the one night stand's were even much higher.
And as the only person in the world, besides Andreas himself, Emil knew three guys also had come along in the long list.
Emil had never had a relationship. He was still virgin at that time. Not proud at it at all. He actually hated talking about it. Even with Andreas. Though Andreas was so sweet to him when they got to that subject, he still hated the feeling. Hated the one single thought that always came to mind when it came to that damn subject.
I'm fat. I'm ugly. Nobody wants me.
He hated his body. He was then, have always been, jealous at how perfectly Andreas were built compared to him. Emil was chubby, his body far from goodlooking. So he thought. Andreas didn't, he always told him how beautiful he was. But the happiness from those words disappeared just as quickly as it had came to him.
And also that specific day, they talked about it. Emil trying to open up as much as possible about the hatred he felt towards himself. Andreas listening, nodding, looking at him, kept repeating “you're beautiful, you're gorgeous”.
He had, after maybe ten minutes, put a hand into the long, wavy hair in Emil's neck, his fingers connecting with the structures. A hard, yet tender grab that made Emil calm down, feel what Andreas was thinking; “I can't live without you”
They've moved closer, looking into each others eyes. Still none of them sure what would happen next.
Maybe Andreas had been sure, Emil couldn't tell. He just remember how their lips met, and in that moment all thoughts disappeared, mind on standby, emotions and feelings racing through him, heart beating faster, in another world where only two people existed. Lips meeting again and again.
He just remembered how good a kisser Andreas was, how scared he was himself to do anything wrong. Gave all control away to Andreas, letting himself guide by the lips of the other boy.
It had been a long kiss. Felt like forever, yet not enough at the same time. And when the hand in his hair wasn't to feel anymore, the lips moving away, he wanted more. Butterflies, bats, birds swirling around in his stomach, crippling up his spine, making his cheeks blush.
“Like a flower blossoming” Andreas had said with a smirk. Emil blushing even more.
That was the very first kiss between them, very first kiss to Emil.
They'd went home to Andreas' place, nobody there.
They'd touched, cuddled, did everything except being inside each other. He knew Andreas wanted it, oh so badly he wanted it, but Emil wasn't ready. And he had kissed his forehead, telling him it was okay, telling him they had plenty of time, put his arms around his fat, disgusting body and dragging him up close.
Emil again feeling disgusted by himself, but Andreas' hand petting his nipples, his chest, his stomach made him relax, then fall asleep. In the arms of the perfect man.
The sex they saved until they were around the twenties. In the meantime Andreas had had sex many, many more times. Everytime Emil felt like he needed him more, started to get sad everytime Andreas told him about it. But Andreas still had Emil as his number one, the petting, the kissing, the cuddling and snuggling continuing. The love building, the bond connecting.
And the day came sooner than Emil had ever dared to think of. Again at Andreas place, again going hard on each others bodies, hard boners, dancing tongues, sex as hard as it can be, without being completely sex.
Andreas had turned him onto his back, stroking him, kissing him, soon taking off both their underwear, laying completely naked in top of him. Looking into his icy blue eyes.
Emil looking nervous and afraid, still curious.... Ready.
Andreas starting with lubing his fingers, touching Emil inside, getting him prepared.
Then pushing himself into him, Emil remember holding back a scream of pain, Andreas looking at him, stroking his beautiful hair. “Are you ready? Does it hurt? You are tighter than I've ever tried” and lots of other stuff Andreas had said while taking the guys virginity.
In the end, Andreas had made Emil come, then coming inside him. And right after, holding him so close to his naked body, protecting him against all evil. Emil cried, only a little.
Free for that virginity title, free. And of course they did it more and more often as the years passed by.
But the relationship wasn't just kissing and sex. It was friendship and love, in a whole other level than neither Emil, nor Andreas had every experienced.
And Emil had also told him how much he loved him. Several times he'd told him.
He knew Andreas felt it the way it was meant, he knew how much happiness and love he was putting in the smiling 'thanks' he always replied with.
But it was about time Andreas said it. Really told him. Would make his life, his world so much easier if he knew Andreas actually were his boyfriend, that they were together.
All those dreams about marriage, house, happy life etc. had crossed his mind more and more often.
And it was about time...
He had decided to confront Andreas. To tell him how he felt, to tell him how he wanted to feel.
How he wanted things to be.
Time for Emil to take control.
And as he walked towards the corridor of hotel rooms, opening Andreas door, looking at him, he had it perfectly planned out what to say, what Andreas would say, and how they'd end up kissing luckily thereafter.
He sat down beside him in the cough, Andreas turning down the volume of the TV a little. Looking at him curious.
“What's up, hun?” he said, shortly stroking his hand through Emil's long hair as he always did.
Emil taking the courage he needed to get this over his lips.
“Andy... I love you. I'm in love with you. And... I wanna be with you. And...”
Andreas smiling shortly, taking his hand. “And?”
“And I want you to tell me you love me. I know you do, I just... I need to hear it”.
All words said and done, Emil feeling almost proud of himself to just go in there and telling Andreas what to do, just like that. Though it was almost nothing, he felt happy, and the smile that crossed on Andreas lips, the melting eyes, the warmth of his body almost told him the reaction before it even had been said. So he thought...
“I don't love you. Silly boy”.
And then he left, door shut behind him...