how we get older. how we forget about each other.
think I've quoted that line far too many times in this journal. I'll never forget the first time hearing it. my life was forever changed. life is pretty long, y'all.
was driving around lake forest in a nostalgic haze listening to machina. it's a weird day. the temperature is very nice, very springlike. after a week of near-freezing not-quite-winter it just feels wrong. but in a very good way, like a warm embrace from a stranger that feels more comfortable and meaningful than one from your own kin.
and of course the memory of youth came flirting in the periphery before swallowing the whole of my vision. no one ever tells you that sweet sentimental suckerpunch shakes the air right from your belly. leaves you breathless, choking.
I miss them all. that time can never be relived and we can never go back to it. It's so easy to forget there's nothing but now and it breaks away the second you start to remember.
our hearts were too hard to break and our souls were too real to save. in a life where I struggled to find family, they were my brothers. they were my blood.
they all have literal familes of their own, now. and it's a bizarre thing to say, but I feel left behind.
I'll see you tomorrow.
but by chance I don't get there,
just go on without me.
pretend I was there.
it burns my eyes,
to watch you shine.
and it breaks my heart,
to watch you try to find
a new life in clear blue skies.
that song is for them. everytime I play it, I play it for them. I wrote it a decade ago, and it still rings true.
I miss y'all.
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