i've been losing you...

[deathisrebirth]

all my thoughts go to kevin. kevin, this is bad no one has came into my life since larry well has but no one like him or how he's affected me. it's kind of scary, thank god he dosen't want a relationship. So right now were just friends with benifits. woot! he's soo cool and cute. This is the first entry about larry in a long time well not long time but yea you know what i mean right? but i saw larry tonight when I was at storage, i saw anniversary gifts and I am not going to lie but it made me sad. I am human so fuck you. call me Pathetic Whatever you want. But, it's normal. Besides the point He left alot of his stuff there. As I was going threw it. I put it in a hot topic bag he left there. Put it there and packed some of my other shit and headed to blockbuster. Said My hi's to My lovely friend Christyanna. I love her. She's a great friend, then katrina entered she asked me what was wrong cause she read my previous entries about kevin. and as we wen't outside I told her. She was like aww.. It's soo good to have a friend like her. ANd i am so happy for katrina!!!! The only thing is Don't have to much sex !!! bitch.lol. Then I told her I would treat her to starbucks. We talked for a few, we have plans later today. To go to planned parent hood to get condoms We need to be safe. It's funny our sex lives are alive and kicking the same time. After she Left I was going to head home then I saw Larry threw the window. At first I was just going to go home, But I had some of his stuff and I knew if I went home. I would threw it away. So I entered hollywood the new assistant manager was working shes ok I guess. My bag Went off for some Werid ass reason. So I put my bad behind the counter. Then walked towards larry. The conversation started off really well. Small talk happend first, gave him some of his stuff he was like oh. then talked to him about his cousin daniella, he really did'nt seem to care. Then after that I asked him if he found a new job yet? then he said yea best buy is hireing. Then I looked at him and I wanted to cry. I told him that He smiled thinking I miss him, But I don't He asked me why? I said I don't want to be mean about it. I really want to say your pathetic larry and you fucking depresse the shit out of me when ever i see you because you have no life at your age. But I said in a Nicer way. What are you doing with your life? then he said i am happy, then he asked me what i am doing with my life then i told him. i love my life it's getting better every day. and he said just because you change jobs. what do you have to show. or something like that it was in a really mean way. ohh yea he said earlier i read your myspace or i think he admited to reading my lj. but why? I thought larry was over me? so what dose that mean. Larry still thinks about me. Then i realise wow...that's even more pathetic than me. lol. Larry's in a relationship he should forget about me. I know if i were to get into a relationship larry would be like what ever like he means nothing to me. which is kind of so right now. because all these guy entering my life are sooo much better than he's pathetic ass. but anyways back to my story. i told him i am doing better i am getting my drivers lisence soon which is true wooot!! and i told him that in a couple of months i will be moving to univercity heights. then he asked in a very mean way. with who??? like who would want to live with you? question and i know that's what he meant. then i said by myself he said nothing. then i asked him if he was going to school next semester. he said yes.. i doubt it larry is a fucking lazy ass loser. but anyways that's not what icame here to do bash larry. the point of this entry was to say. larry is really depressing and depressed the shit out of me tonight. even my co-workers noticed it. i feel really bad for him. sometime i wonder what he's going to do with his life i really do wish the best for larry but he's soo naiev. sometimes i want to take his hand and guide him. I don't know about dain. Dain's a really great person yes joseph is saying this. and one more thing I don't hate dain or have anything against anymore. All my problems are with larry. My Friend justin asked me tonight why was i said for him shouldnt i be happy that he's not doing better than me? then i said....then he said you loved him. then i go hell no, lol i was dependent. btw that's the name of my book i am writing i wasn't in love i was dependent. anyways i am sidetracking. one thing i want to do soon wthout getting frustrate because larry is a flake who dosent want to make plans to get his shit or make attempts to hang out with me which is fine cause i dont want to hang with him eighther. i just have sooo much fucking things to say to him i have 2 pages of shit. i wrote it down so i won't forget. poor larry...i dont think i have resentment towards him anymore i just have pitty.

anyways. i want to say this before i contine u to my next part of this entry I HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON IN MY LIFE. I ONLY RIGHT ABOUT THE THINGS THAT ARE BOTHERING ME. THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT AND NEW EXPERIANCES HAPPENING TO ME. SO LARRY IF YOU OR FRIENDS ARE READING THIS. DON'T THINK I AM CRYING OVER YOU ANYMORE CAUSE I AM NOT. THAT WAS THE BOY YOU USED TO KNOW. I KNOW I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT THAT STUFF BUT WOULDN'T YOU GUYS JUST MAKE FUN OF ME THEN?? I THINK YOU WOULD. SO WHO'S PATHETIC?!?!? SOMEONE WHO'S TRUE WITH THERE FEELINGS AND EMTIONS OR SOMEONE WHO MAKES FUN OF SOMEONE FOR THOSE FEELINGS AND EMTIONS??? THAT'S MY FINAL STATMENT.

i am done with this entry off to write my other two or just one more.

ohh yea lmost forgot found some aniversary gifts and some cards i gave him and showed him and he laughed i did too except i was like how stupid was i huh i thought i loved you then he was like yea i was the best. i laughed you fucking loser lol. he was the best i had at the time. not now there is so much out there for me. i dont think he knows that he thinks i am still crying over him. and another thing is it's hard for me to talk to him because he's contantly critizing me. always!!! so that's why it's hard for me to speak to him. he hurts me still not like i oh yea he bruised me from the past but like what he says to me. fucker