Public Apology # 56347
I'm sorry if I may have scared some of you, that wasn't my intent.
Yes, I have been severely depressed as of late, as yes, I will admit that I have contemplated the "S" word.
But if I were to do the "S" word, don't you think I would leave something a bit more meaningful? A 5 page novel, a summary of the events of my life and how it all led up to this one final action?
I'm just sick of everything right now. I'm sick of trying to get ahead in life and it resulting in my going backwards instead. I'm sick of being alone. I know we all end up dying alone, but why cant I at least find someone to share my life with in the meantime? I'm sick of the fact that I always end up hurting the ones that I care about most. I'm sick of working in pointless jobs doing everything that I despise, just to survive. I want something MEANINGFUL.
I want my life to be meaningful. I want to feel like I mean something to someone.
But I cant, I'm not, and I never will be.
I'm just giving up on it all. What is the point in trying so hard when it never goes anywhere. You just end up going in circles, doing the same tedious work, the same daily fucking routine, until your old, gray and dying alone in a rest home.
-Fin-