(no subject)
Woke up to the sound of Jon's Mom scurrying around in the livingroom. I slept in the basement last night. Bret visited me but had to leave due to his overly-parental Mother. I thought for a moment trying to grasp at a coherent line of thinking. Then it came to me... if Jon's Mom is up and moving it must be past 6... shit I thought I set the alarm for 5:45... shit the phone is still on vibrate... /checks the phone... shit it's 6:20... /runs upstairs to wake Jon up for work.
Jon! Jon! Jon! I'm sorry!!!!! it's 6:20!!! Wake up!!! He smiles and tells me to calm down, he didn't want to be woken up until 6:30 anyway. Phew. But the day didn't end there. Once that fear was washed away I realized the pants between the my legs was soaked. FUCK. I had a heavy bleed sometime last night and now it looks like I killed a small animal in my pants. Which.. if you think about it >> I kinda did. Haaaaaa. So I hurried off to the bathroom. FUCK out of toilet paper. Whatever, a slight shower in this case is the better option anyway. So I hop in the shower and rinse all the gross off me then take my pants and some towels to the laundry room. Came back to the bedroom and passed out.
Woke up to Hiro losing his god damn mind. Jon had taken him out before he left for work and fed him. I couldn't imagine what this dog possibly still -needed-. After maybe 20min. I rise from the bed and first eat an amazing Outrageous Oatmeal cookie. Sogood. Then I grab the leash and take Hiro out. I'm wearing shorts. It's realllllllllllllly cold. Also forgot to put on shoes. I'm dumb and now very, very cold. Thankfully he poops nearly instantly! I give him his treat for pooping and we go back to the bedroom. Seemed like a good time to masturbate. Though anytime I got anywhere good something else would pop in my head and destroy it all. Needlesstosay it took way too long. Dozed off afterward.
Woke up again this time to see if Bret ever answered back to a txt I sent the second time I woke up around 10am. The moment I sat down he finally replied. This happens fairly often and always makes me smile. As if ESP is real or something. It also happened last night. I fell asleep while he was still at FNM. I woke up a good hour after our last exchange. Concerned that I hadn't heard anything since. I asked Jon if he IM'd me. Nothing. Moments later. "I'm here." /smile~
Anywho, today he had plans to eat sushi with friends then afterward hang out with a different friend and be nerdy. I was invited to all of this but wasn't feeling up to it now. My days have been stressed and social interaction is rarely relaxing for me. But I want to see him and I like these friends he's meeting up with. Somehow after I tell him I don't want to go and my reasons I find tears running down my cheeks and him dangling our relationship once again. T____T He tried to connect a story, a memory of ours to a point he has. I couldn't remember this memory. At all. Still can't. :( I also didn't acknowledge its importance to him or seem to care about the conversation at hand. Which eventually ends with how I never say I'm sorry. /aware. Even when I am. An hour into this 'conversation' it all comes together and I directly express that I am sorry.
Now I'm wishing I had just taken the shower the moment he told me when they were meeting up for sushi. :( That way the argument would've never happened and more importantly I'd be eating sushi right now with cool people instead of looking at how it's 1:02 and I feel like I haven't done and won't do shit with my day.
I hate the way I think sometimes.
/die