Magic
People know the just of your life sometimes, and they just think they know it all. They have no idea all the shit ass details when your looking run down as fuck. I can't even believe I've done what I've done. I woke up this morning being kind of amazed with myself, and how I've gone above and beyond what I thought my capabilities where, or my limits. I didn't make excuses, I did this all with a sickness in my chest, and what I've done is one of the hardest things I've faced myself with.
I don't miss you, I don't really miss a thing about you. I don't miss being close to you at night, your voice, your laugh, really anything. I don't know how harsh that sounds, but I was just really ready for this and I'm not trying to make it personal. We had such different views, even of how a relationship should be. You told me I was not dedicated but I just tried to make things fair for everyone, but you wanted to be put before everything. I'd rather be fair then bias.
I've given myself the life and the freedom I've wanted for countless months now, and I shouldn't be blamed for that because it something you couldn't give me. I know I'm taking on a new set of difficulties but I feel the scales are still tipped in their favor. I felt held back with you and I felt like my opportunities were limited, something that's really depressing when you have so much to offer. I'm happy your dad was a dick to me yesterday because I feel like it made it so much easier to let go, and feel even more justified in my decision. Even though I've slept on a couch the past two days and got 17 hours of sleep in the last 3 I'm still so much more pleased with my current situation then the rut I was in before.
I wrote this a couple weeks ago-
It's about a loyalty, a bond, and silent strong pact between two hearts. It's about looking away from the other and back to your own. It's a really soft but firm caress, holding on but not letting go when either become weak or tired. It's a type of magic that we all want to believe in, with its nature elusive enough to perhaps not exist. Possessing with in its dreamy manner a strong enough subtlety to spark hope.