[Text]

[reallywascake]

Greetings and salutations, [[insert name here]] / [[subject 0001]].

Query 1: Do you like cake?
If Query 1 = {yes}, parse to -
Query 2: What flavor of cake would best motivate you as a reward in a series of challenges?
If Query 1 = {no}, parse to -
Query 3: How does it feel to be a lying little weasel?

Additional query / "smalltalk" subset:

Comments

[aureliaofarista]

"Yes. Honey. No."

[Text]

[reallywascake]

Acceptable answers, although I am told (quote) "Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life." (unquote). Perhaps Isaac Asimov? That was a joke.

Why honey cake? They don't have chocolate in your world? Tsk tsk tsk.

Re: [Text]

[aureliaofarista]

"Don't really have a lot of time for it, sir-or-ma'am. And we don't have chocolate in my world. I've had it here; it's good, but I can't judge it in cake, so I can really only speak for honeycake."

[Text]

[reallywascake]

Ma'am or Glados are acceptable.

Is your world pre-cake-mix?

[prince_ahura]

I don't have a favorite cake, I simply hate sweets.

[reallywascake]

Rephrase.

[prince_ahura]

I hate cake.

[reallywascake]

An evolutionary throwback of your species, [[subject 0002]]. All higher-reasoning animals adore cake. This is a scientific fact. I have statistics.

[kage_himoto]

Yes.

Lavender, but anything that isn't chocolate is good.

I haven't lately, no. Been too busy.

[reallywascake]

Blasphemy of the highest order on both counts. You should enjoy chocolate, it is delicious.

[kage_himoto]

I am not able to. My people are poisoned by the cocoa bean. I'm sure I would like it, if it wouldn't kill me to try.. My wife adores chocolate. Especially made by someone named Godiva.

[reallywascake]

Surely cake is worth being poisoned and dying horribly, [[subject 0003]]. Additionally, white chocolate's ingredients are; cocoa butter, sugar, lecithin, vanilla and whole milk powder. If I were you I would risk being poisoned to discover if the effects of cocoa butter = the effect of cocoa beans.

text.

[retirednothing]

re: Query 1: yes

re: Query 2: I don't think cake would motivate me very much in that regard, to be honest

re: Additional query: I've mostly been reading about child psychology, which is both interesting and somewhat depressing

text.

[reallywascake]

Acceptable.

What would?

All psychology is interesting and somewhat depressing. Are you interested in the human illn--illne... condition?

text.

[retirednothing]

I'd have to assess the challenges and determine if they were worth engaging in at all, based on a number of factors.

I'm interested in a lot of things.

text.

[reallywascake]

There is not an opt out function as regards Aperture Science Laboratories Testing. You are required to perform the tasks asked of you. Cake is the current highest standard as a motivational tool.

Such as what, [[subject 0004]]?

[will_aurelius]

Are you having me on? And chocolate. Or plum. Although anything handy is sort of favourite.

Mostly I've been having to swot a lot of tomes about demonology. Right now I'm learning about Guttersnipes. They're these sort of birdish-looking things that have teeth.

For fun I've been reading Treasure Island.

[reallywascake]

Am I--Oh. No, it is an honest question, and your honest response is appreciated. "Chocolate" is the most favored response as of survey results taken 08/02/00, which may require updating. "Plum" ranks 14th in popularity.

Instructional manuals for class are boring. You should consider becoming a test subject for Aperture Science Inc. There is no reading required, as we frequently accept lower primates as well as homo sapiens, and monkeys cannot read.

By Robert Louis Stevenson?

[will_aurelius]

Well, I bet you if you checked your records for 1883, 'plum' would rank higher. What are the favourite sorts of cake then, between the two? I like fairy-cakes as well, so long as they're not laced with arsenic.

*Spike scowls at this, as if indignantly recalling an unpleasant experience.*

What's Aperture Science, Inc when it's at home then?

Oi! I'm not a homo sapiens!! *Spike looks quite indignant* I'm not a bloody human!

Yeh, that's the one. He wrote Jeckyl and Hyde as well. I like this one better though.

[reallywascake]

• Butter vanilla
  
• Raspberry
  
• Cherry
  
• Marble
  
• Fish
  
• Strawberry
  
• Strawberry marble
  
• Chocolate Bavarian crème
  
• Mocha chocolate
  
• Cream cheese
  
• Fish
  
• Carrot
  
• Apple Pie
  
• Butter pecan
  
• Neapolitan
  

-End of list.

An experimental physics research facility. Top secret and highly classified governmental research takes place there, and I am the artificial intelligence in charge.

What are you then? You do a very good impression.

I prefer Treasure Island also.