I miss you tons as well... You have no idea how much I miss everyone up there!!! I had a decent day after my birthday the day of well... Nothing was said or done... Its cool though I sang myself "happy birthday" and blew out my candels alone in the kitchen... Dont worry about not calling on time I think you need my new number down here 931-249-8149 you and anyone can call it if you want or can... My lansing cell is still active but with no minutes until things down here turn around for me...
I am thinking a lot and changing as I have been trying to these last two years... I am happier with myself (most days) I no longer think of suicide or things like that... I dont even consider cutting myself anymore and thats really really good... But there are still days when I am battling with this chemical inbalance in me when all I want to do is cry and crawl into a hole or the bed all day... Scott wont let me do that though most times...(damn him lol) but then again thats a good thing...
I am trying to be strong... I am strong I know that but at times I just feel so weak and worthless and I know its not true... Shit I do more down and around here than others...
I am happier-ish as you say lol... I am in love.. I love this man and he makes me feel good about myself and has never really raised his voice to me... Plus hes not like the ex who would raise his hand to me... Scott refuses to do that and if angry just takes a long ass walk... Which is good...
I am working hard right now... I think I can work harder... I dont sleep much just naps, drinking a lot of coffee and water, eating less, walking, cleaning the house, helping fix the truck ( scott likes to keep me involved in everything he does... It makes me feel like he really accepts me as a partner and a friend)... Money is just tight as always, I just want to go to truck driving school with him and get on the road and bust some ass and make some good cash and see the country...
It will happen eventually... I know I have to be patient its just hard to be when I have been waiting for something better all these years and everytime I get a little ahead I fall behind worse than before. I will make it though I always do and I love you because its nice to hear a friend say the same things I am thinking you know?
Well I am off to figure out if Scott is ready to go for that ride hes been talking about... We fixed a few things on the truck today and cleaned it... After I had cleaned the basement... I am tired I slept a lot last night but the heat and all the work of today has left me drained... Oh and I finally got bitten by a fire ant today on my back... OH MY GOD FELT LIKE SOMEONE HAD HOSED ME IN GASOLINE AND SET MY BACK ON FIRE!!! I dont think I have ever ran that fast to get to the water and ice ever!!! lol I am fine now... Need to eat something... Been up since 5am and its 2 pm and my calorie intake for the day stands at 620 with breakfast and snacks... I am hungry and thirsty and this room is HOT HOT HOT even after the rain lol... Well got to go sorry so long... I love you and yes I will let you know when I find out when I am going to get the chance to come up to michigan... Love you always...
Did you get my card? I sent it to the addy that you gave me a while ago. I really want to send you a few things. I bought a few things for you and I'm sending down some stuff that I bought for myself, but either never wore or only wore a couple times. Everything is quality stuff and things that I think you'd look good in. But I wanna make sure that the addy is right before I send it down.
I'm really happy to hear that you're doing okay and that your man isn't anything like Chris, who I saw at the mall btw, I like hearing that he's not willing to hit you or make you feel bad about yourself.
You've seen how bad life can be, it can only get better from there. right?
As Rob Schneider says in about every Adam Sandler movie "You can dooo eeeeeeeeet!"
Yes I got your card and thank you!!!! Cool I would love some clothes you know I always need some clothes... and will take them with gratitude lol... So yeah the addy is right and it will get to me eventually lol.... I am glad that hes nothing like Chris either... I am nothing like I use to be with Chris so that makes things a whole lot better as well. I still have problems with depression but at least Scott tries to understand and still be loving whereas Chris would just freak out and usually be an ass or hit me and make it worse...
I hate that mother f*cker anyways lol... he called me a few times while we have been down here and one time Scott answered the phone and Chris wouldnt say anything and Scott kind belittled him about his lil ding a ling lol and since then NO CALLS!!! YAY!!! I am glad though because I am not the whore he thinks I am sitting around and "pinning" for him... Fuck that... Who wants a loser like him? Anyways yes I am happier and more comfortable with Scott then I ever was with Chris and that feels incredibly... GREAT!!! I know things financially will get better someday until then its nice to have a man that actually works or actively tries to find work on a regular basis and gives me some money here and there when he can because he doesnt like it when I dont have any money... Chris use to take all the money so I like the difference a lot... I didnt think I could be this happy with a significant other... Oh and to be honest... The sex life... Is simply WOW!!!! No complaints... Love you hope things are peachy keen... talk to you later...
I am thinking a lot and changing as I have been trying to these last two years... I am happier with myself (most days) I no longer think of suicide or things like that... I dont even consider cutting myself anymore and thats really really good... But there are still days when I am battling with this chemical inbalance in me when all I want to do is cry and crawl into a hole or the bed all day... Scott wont let me do that though most times...(damn him lol) but then again thats a good thing...
I am trying to be strong... I am strong I know that but at times I just feel so weak and worthless and I know its not true... Shit I do more down and around here than others...
I am happier-ish as you say lol... I am in love.. I love this man and he makes me feel good about myself and has never really raised his voice to me... Plus hes not like the ex who would raise his hand to me... Scott refuses to do that and if angry just takes a long ass walk... Which is good...
I am working hard right now... I think I can work harder... I dont sleep much just naps, drinking a lot of coffee and water, eating less, walking, cleaning the house, helping fix the truck ( scott likes to keep me involved in everything he does... It makes me feel like he really accepts me as a partner and a friend)... Money is just tight as always, I just want to go to truck driving school with him and get on the road and bust some ass and make some good cash and see the country...
It will happen eventually... I know I have to be patient its just hard to be when I have been waiting for something better all these years and everytime I get a little ahead I fall behind worse than before. I will make it though I always do and I love you because its nice to hear a friend say the same things I am thinking you know?
Well I am off to figure out if Scott is ready to go for that ride hes been talking about... We fixed a few things on the truck today and cleaned it... After I had cleaned the basement... I am tired I slept a lot last night but the heat and all the work of today has left me drained... Oh and I finally got bitten by a fire ant today on my back... OH MY GOD FELT LIKE SOMEONE HAD HOSED ME IN GASOLINE AND SET MY BACK ON FIRE!!! I dont think I have ever ran that fast to get to the water and ice ever!!! lol I am fine now... Need to eat something... Been up since 5am and its 2 pm and my calorie intake for the day stands at 620 with breakfast and snacks... I am hungry and thirsty and this room is HOT HOT HOT even after the rain lol... Well got to go sorry so long... I love you and yes I will let you know when I find out when I am going to get the chance to come up to michigan...
Love you always...
Reply
I'm really happy to hear that you're doing okay and that your man isn't anything like Chris, who I saw at the mall btw, I like hearing that he's not willing to hit you or make you feel bad about yourself.
You've seen how bad life can be, it can only get better from there. right?
As Rob Schneider says in about every Adam Sandler movie "You can dooo eeeeeeeeet!"
Love
Reply
I am glad that hes nothing like Chris either... I am nothing like I use to be with Chris so that makes things a whole lot better as well. I still have problems with depression but at least Scott tries to understand and still be loving whereas Chris would just freak out and usually be an ass or hit me and make it worse...
I hate that mother f*cker anyways lol... he called me a few times while we have been down here and one time Scott answered the phone and Chris wouldnt say anything and Scott kind belittled him about his lil ding a ling lol and since then NO CALLS!!! YAY!!!
I am glad though because I am not the whore he thinks I am sitting around and "pinning" for him... Fuck that... Who wants a loser like him?
Anyways yes I am happier and more comfortable with Scott then I ever was with Chris and that feels incredibly... GREAT!!!
I know things financially will get better someday until then its nice to have a man that actually works or actively tries to find work on a regular basis and gives me some money here and there when he can because he doesnt like it when I dont have any money... Chris use to take all the money so I like the difference a lot... I didnt think I could be this happy with a significant other... Oh and to be honest... The sex life... Is simply WOW!!!! No complaints...
Love you hope things are peachy keen...
talk to you later...
Reply
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