[Public] nightime
Every night I tell myself I will go to bed earlier. Originally I tried to tell myself to go to bed before midnight, but that failed miserably. The few times I was actually in bed at that time, I just rolled around uncomfortably for hours thinking. My brain just goes and goes and goes. So instead, I turned the goal into "go to bed earlier than you did the night before" even if it's just a few minutes. But that isn't working very well either.
And yet I'm finding it harder and harder to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I'm one of the last people to show up at work, though I also don't usually leave until 6 or often even later, while everyone else is gone well before that. And I know if I force myself to get up and be there earlier, I'll just sit around like a zombie half the day and be completely unproductive. So why bother? Mostly because I feel like I'm being judged, and I hate that feeling.
I drag myself through the day, feeling exhausted. If I immediately lie down upon coming home from work, I crash, and sleep until about 11... and then when i wake up I'm wired and can't sleep again until 5am or so. So I try not to lie down. I force myself to stay up. About 9:00, something happens, and suddenly I'm wide awake. What happens? I have no idea. Also, it's weird. After breakfast i have a 'crash'. After lunch I have a really AWFUL crash, where it's hard to keep my eyes open. Dinner/supper is the only meal of the day that doesn't do this to me.
Some people have tried to tell me that this happens because I am jogging at night, and it wakes me up. I just want to say, for the record, that's a load of crap. I've always had this problem - I've been a night person for as long as I can remember. In fact, I had a wall full of detention slips in middle school because I often didn't show up at school until after 10am (which probably gets your parents thrown in jail these days, but back then it just got me detentions). Literally there were semesters in school were I was late 43/45 days, and the other two days I just didn't go. And I sure as hell wasn't jogging then.
Mostly I was lying in bed not being able to sleep. My mind races, thinks about anything and everything. And then sometime I fall asleep. Sometimes, to prevent my mind from thinking of other things, I would read. I'm told now that this can actually make it -more- difficult to fall asleep, because your body gets used to doing things besides sleeping in bed. If your bed is only used for sleeping (well and the possible sexual encounter, I suppose) your body recognizes bed=sleep. So for a few years I wouldn't read in bed - I'd only read on the couch... interestingly, it usually put me to sleep. Go figure.
And yet I'm finding it harder and harder to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I'm one of the last people to show up at work, though I also don't usually leave until 6 or often even later, while everyone else is gone well before that. And I know if I force myself to get up and be there earlier, I'll just sit around like a zombie half the day and be completely unproductive. So why bother? Mostly because I feel like I'm being judged, and I hate that feeling.
I drag myself through the day, feeling exhausted. If I immediately lie down upon coming home from work, I crash, and sleep until about 11... and then when i wake up I'm wired and can't sleep again until 5am or so. So I try not to lie down. I force myself to stay up. About 9:00, something happens, and suddenly I'm wide awake. What happens? I have no idea. Also, it's weird. After breakfast i have a 'crash'. After lunch I have a really AWFUL crash, where it's hard to keep my eyes open. Dinner/supper is the only meal of the day that doesn't do this to me.
Some people have tried to tell me that this happens because I am jogging at night, and it wakes me up. I just want to say, for the record, that's a load of crap. I've always had this problem - I've been a night person for as long as I can remember. In fact, I had a wall full of detention slips in middle school because I often didn't show up at school until after 10am (which probably gets your parents thrown in jail these days, but back then it just got me detentions). Literally there were semesters in school were I was late 43/45 days, and the other two days I just didn't go. And I sure as hell wasn't jogging then.
Mostly I was lying in bed not being able to sleep. My mind races, thinks about anything and everything. And then sometime I fall asleep. Sometimes, to prevent my mind from thinking of other things, I would read. I'm told now that this can actually make it -more- difficult to fall asleep, because your body gets used to doing things besides sleeping in bed. If your bed is only used for sleeping (well and the possible sexual encounter, I suppose) your body recognizes bed=sleep. So for a few years I wouldn't read in bed - I'd only read on the couch... interestingly, it usually put me to sleep. Go figure.