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Mar 02, 2004 12:06

Another month gone by. Am closer to my goal ( Read more... )

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jon_r_meyers March 2 2004, 07:43:55 UTC
I don't know if this is going to help... but in my mind, love is not *necessarily* equaled with exclusiveness. When I go around and meet other uh... guys, it's not love, it's just sex, taking what I need and disappearing again. Some are friends, but when I'm with you, the emotions are that make things different.

That night, when I made love to you. It was special. Hell, every moment with you is special and I don't feel that way for anyone else and I'm trying to show you that, to give you all I can give. To trust you and wanting to be there for you when you need me. And in my mind, *that's* the difference between loving someone and just fucking around. That, and the fact that if you asked me to, I would become exclusive with you without even thinking about it. I know I would.

I don't know whether or not what I give to you is enough for you. I can only hope, and whatever it is you think is lacking... hey, I won't bit you for asking for it, right? *grins*

Lighten up a bit, love. *snuggles* Look at the bright side of things, at the things you *have* accomplished, you *have* gained. Life can be fucking brilliant if you do that. *smiles and pokes a little*

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dean_actually March 2 2004, 08:12:07 UTC
Fuck, Jon. Don't mind me.

You come from different experiences. All experiences that I yet have to make. Maybe.

I'm downright confused today. I didn't mean to ..belittle what we have, in any way.

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jon_r_meyers March 2 2004, 08:17:13 UTC
But I want to mind you *smiles*

I know I come from different experiences, and you can't change the way you feel and all (and I wouldn't even *want* to) - I wasn't trying to lecture you or anyhting, just offering my point of view. And don't worry, Dean, I didn't think you were trying to "belittle" what we have or something. I guess I'm just my usual talkative self today and got off on a tangent. I could just have summed it all up in "I love you, no matter what."

*grins* And I do.

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dean_actually March 2 2004, 08:26:37 UTC
Jon, don't hate me for saying this, but love doesn't solve everything. Not for me.

And now I do hate myself for saying this to you.

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jon_r_meyers March 2 2004, 08:31:15 UTC
God, I know, Dean, I know. Don't you think I wouldn't have noticed? *hugs tight* Don't hate yourself for saying it.

If there's anything I can do to help you solve any of the problems, you *know* you can at least ask, if only for advices. If not, I'll just listen without judging, okay?

*kisses* Just... try to concentrate a bit on what you have and less on what you need. It worked for me and it can't hurt trying. Won't stop the need, that's true, but... might help a little, teeny bit.

God, and there I go all talkative again. *laughs* Sorry. I'll try to do better. *winks*

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dean_actually March 2 2004, 08:41:43 UTC
Don't say sorry. Nothing to be sorry about. I like you talkative.

But some day, what I have is not enough. Any of it. As cruel as that seems. Not because I want better, mind you. It's just...not enough.

I'm so sorry.

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jon_r_meyers March 2 2004, 08:47:39 UTC
Let's make a deal. I will stop apologoising if you will stop apologising for your feelings, okay? *smiles*

I know how that feels, Dean. I've gone through that again and again myself. I wish I could do anything, and if there is anything - ask. Talk to me. I know it's hard.

*strokes a cheek* I will help you get through this as good as I can.

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dean_actually March 2 2004, 09:06:46 UTC
Deal.

I just don't think that you can get me through this. Or anyone else, for that matter.

I'll be better tomorrow.

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jon_r_meyers March 2 2004, 09:11:20 UTC
I hope you'll be, I hate to see you hurting. *holds him for a little while, then lets go again, afraid to put him under too much 'pressure', just the faintest touches on his arms to offer reassurance*

Take care and stay safe.

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dean_actually March 2 2004, 15:16:05 UTC
Thank you. Thank you, I mean it. I think some days having you around makes me aware of how careless I am sometimes.

I'll be better tomorrow, I promise.

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mark_kosik March 3 2004, 09:50:06 UTC
--"Met one called Jason. He's a good guy, and great in bed. But it feels as if I'm losing connection, somewhere."--

Jason frowned angry at himself for being vulnerable enough to be hurt by this statement.

"We should try talking. I can fucking connect if y'give me the bloody chance."

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dean_actually March 3 2004, 12:20:35 UTC
"Jason...shit, I didn't mean...I'm sorry, I really am. Please, believe me. It's not you.."

Dean groans and hides his face in his hands.

"Can I come talk to you? Let me explain?"

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Just talking mark_kosik March 3 2004, 13:13:43 UTC
"Don't be sorry, just yeah-come by."

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((ooc-oh oops!)) mark_kosik March 3 2004, 13:17:36 UTC

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