You don't know me, and I don't really know you, but the struggle you're going through is something I'm familiar with. It might not be the same, but the feelings are similar in fashion.
I too have dealt with people who makes me like some beacon needed in their life. I of course will accept them and offer a friend because... well... I needed one too. Anything that could numb me from the effects of my own mind. The anti-deppressants don't help, I hardly make time to really try therapy, and if I do smoke weed or drink I only end up feeling worse.
All I really have to distract me is video games, writing, or people. Generally though the inevitable happens and I let the wrong one in... all the time. Suddenly all my care for them, time, and effort is benine and I'm the peice of shit. Even thought they're the ones that hurt and spit on me. I don't know how many times I've been walked over.
My family life isn't very good either... all I got is my Mom. Everyone else is gone with their own lives. There isn't much of a family for me to depend on unless I want to run into the arms of mental and emotional abuse.
I left my job to with an excuse of... the commute was too long. I felt underappreciated and all my life and happiness of having a job poofed in two months- now I'm sitting down all the time in a soul crushing bubble of, 'Is this really my existence." I end up feeling like a waste of space.
I want to die. I want to become numb to everything, but I don't have the courage... I can't hurt the few people that do love me... even though sometimes I think I could. I just wanted you to know reading your posts in a way helps me feel like I'm not crazy or alone in feeling this way. That I hope you and I will one day get better and have "happiness" if we can ever find a way to grasp it.
Anyway- sorry for this random comment, but I do hope you'll be okay eventually and rather sooner than later.
thank youdeadsirenredDecember 19 2013, 01:58:59 UTC
hey,Please don't apologize! Thank you very much for the comment. It really touched me and made me feel better that someone who doesn't know who I am could be kind enough to reach out to me with their own story and make me feel less alone too. Also, thank you for not judging me on the random outpouring of word vomit that my journal usually is.
You sound like a really good person and I hope things get better for you soon too. Please feel free to read my craziness anytime. Is it okay if I friend you on here? Maybe we could both at the least commiserate?
Regardless, thank you for making me feel less alone in the world and proving to me that there are people out there who are capable of acts of kindness. It's good to feel that after dealing with some of the people I've dealt with.
You hang in there too. Hopefully someday we will both be writing on here about good things that happen in the world instead of just the crappy. Take care of yourself. I wish you all the best.
I too have dealt with people who makes me like some beacon needed in their life. I of course will accept them and offer a friend because... well... I needed one too. Anything that could numb me from the effects of my own mind. The anti-deppressants don't help, I hardly make time to really try therapy, and if I do smoke weed or drink I only end up feeling worse.
All I really have to distract me is video games, writing, or people. Generally though the inevitable happens and I let the wrong one in... all the time. Suddenly all my care for them, time, and effort is benine and I'm the peice of shit. Even thought they're the ones that hurt and spit on me. I don't know how many times I've been walked over.
My family life isn't very good either... all I got is my Mom. Everyone else is gone with their own lives. There isn't much of a family for me to depend on unless I want to run into the arms of mental and emotional abuse.
I left my job to with an excuse of... the commute was too long. I felt underappreciated and all my life and happiness of having a job poofed in two months- now I'm sitting down all the time in a soul crushing bubble of, 'Is this really my existence." I end up feeling like a waste of space.
I want to die. I want to become numb to everything, but I don't have the courage... I can't hurt the few people that do love me... even though sometimes I think I could. I just wanted you to know reading your posts in a way helps me feel like I'm not crazy or alone in feeling this way. That I hope you and I will one day get better and have "happiness" if we can ever find a way to grasp it.
Anyway- sorry for this random comment, but I do hope you'll be okay eventually and rather sooner than later.
Reply
You sound like a really good person and I hope things get better for you soon too. Please feel free to read my craziness anytime. Is it okay if I friend you on here? Maybe we could both at the least commiserate?
Regardless, thank you for making me feel less alone in the world and proving to me that there are people out there who are capable of acts of kindness. It's good to feel that after dealing with some of the people I've dealt with.
You hang in there too. Hopefully someday we will both be writing on here about good things that happen in the world instead of just the crappy. Take care of yourself. I wish you all the best.
Reply
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