Super Sunday with babies on my boobies...
I'm actually quite content, provided I'm steaming on the inside about baby's daddy. Everytime I seem to give him the benefit of the doubt, he stomps all over it. I'm so nice to him when I see him...IF I ever see him. I was actually looking forward to him coming over and hanging out/spending the night the other night, but he fucked that all up. If someone says they'll be somewhere "around 7 o'clock," and shows up at 9:30...that's kinda NO WHERE NEAR 7.
What he had to say about that was full of attitude and bitchiness ("It's hard to answer the phone or call when I'm asleep..."). He feels like I nag him when in all actuality, I can't trust him to be reliable and he doesn't understand that I'm not going to let my baby go with him until that changes. But it never will, and I know that. That means something pretty bad for him, but it eases my mind something fierce. I have back up, so that helps, too.
I found out the reason he broke up with me last summer...or "fell out of love" with me. And this is the time we were trying to work shit out for the baby. Here's the scoop...I was at his apartment all day while he worked a double shift. I had no cable, no computer, just a cell phone, some movies, and random people to hang out with, which got old fast. He called around 11 pm after his shift ended and said he would be an hour to have a beer with some buddies. I said that was fine and I'd see him soon. I wanted to snuggle with him, be with him, fall asleep in his arms, but no. That didn't happen. I fell asleep and about 3 hours later, woke up, and there's still no Billy.
I called him and asked when he planned to come home if at all and he took that as "nagging." I only called once, just asked when he'd be back, and I was kind of upset because he'd left me there all fucking day, and he knows how I feel about being alone. Especially in my precarious situation (just found out I was pregnant, just quit my meds, etc...). So the next day he was treating me differently and I asked what was up...actually, I think I said something like, "Just tell me what you're thinking because I know it's not good." And then he dropped the "I'm not in love with you anymore" bomb.
After one phone call. After just being concerned and a little perturbed. He took that as a HUGE guilt trip and said he couldn't handle that if it was going to be "that way." He never talked with me about it, never said anything. Apparently he just wants to do what he wants at all times, no matter what, no matter who it hurts. I say fuck that. I don't need it. Evan doesn't need it. Billy thinks that if he says "around" a certain time to be somewhere, he can show up whenever the fuck he wants and get a huge attitude when people are understandably upset, especially people with hormone changes such as mine at the moment.
Not to mention I could have died from the infections I had. Turned out to be two kinds of staph (A and E) and then strep group A all up in my abdomen. I'm healing nicely though, and I should be fine to go home in maybe two weeks. I'm really not looking forward to leaving here, but I am looking forward to seeing if I'll lose my shit trying to do this all by myself. Heh, I like challenges, though. so it might not be so bad. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life, without bullshit and drama.
I think I've found the perfect person to help with that, too. He calls me Sunshine and talks with me on the phone for hours. He says he's really digging on me, and I dig that completely. :) That's all for me for now...had to get some things off my chest. My abnormally large chest. Heh heh.
What he had to say about that was full of attitude and bitchiness ("It's hard to answer the phone or call when I'm asleep..."). He feels like I nag him when in all actuality, I can't trust him to be reliable and he doesn't understand that I'm not going to let my baby go with him until that changes. But it never will, and I know that. That means something pretty bad for him, but it eases my mind something fierce. I have back up, so that helps, too.
I found out the reason he broke up with me last summer...or "fell out of love" with me. And this is the time we were trying to work shit out for the baby. Here's the scoop...I was at his apartment all day while he worked a double shift. I had no cable, no computer, just a cell phone, some movies, and random people to hang out with, which got old fast. He called around 11 pm after his shift ended and said he would be an hour to have a beer with some buddies. I said that was fine and I'd see him soon. I wanted to snuggle with him, be with him, fall asleep in his arms, but no. That didn't happen. I fell asleep and about 3 hours later, woke up, and there's still no Billy.
I called him and asked when he planned to come home if at all and he took that as "nagging." I only called once, just asked when he'd be back, and I was kind of upset because he'd left me there all fucking day, and he knows how I feel about being alone. Especially in my precarious situation (just found out I was pregnant, just quit my meds, etc...). So the next day he was treating me differently and I asked what was up...actually, I think I said something like, "Just tell me what you're thinking because I know it's not good." And then he dropped the "I'm not in love with you anymore" bomb.
After one phone call. After just being concerned and a little perturbed. He took that as a HUGE guilt trip and said he couldn't handle that if it was going to be "that way." He never talked with me about it, never said anything. Apparently he just wants to do what he wants at all times, no matter what, no matter who it hurts. I say fuck that. I don't need it. Evan doesn't need it. Billy thinks that if he says "around" a certain time to be somewhere, he can show up whenever the fuck he wants and get a huge attitude when people are understandably upset, especially people with hormone changes such as mine at the moment.
Not to mention I could have died from the infections I had. Turned out to be two kinds of staph (A and E) and then strep group A all up in my abdomen. I'm healing nicely though, and I should be fine to go home in maybe two weeks. I'm really not looking forward to leaving here, but I am looking forward to seeing if I'll lose my shit trying to do this all by myself. Heh, I like challenges, though. so it might not be so bad. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life, without bullshit and drama.
I think I've found the perfect person to help with that, too. He calls me Sunshine and talks with me on the phone for hours. He says he's really digging on me, and I dig that completely. :) That's all for me for now...had to get some things off my chest. My abnormally large chest. Heh heh.