I Think This is What a Grown-Up Crush Is Like?
I've always tried to keep my crushes at arms length because my crushes have always been on straight girls. This led to extremely shallow crushes because I would just like a girl for her body.
Then I met SJ.
SJ is either gay or she really likes rainbows. I didn't really talk to her much until last night when we were both working at a fundraiser for the swim team. When things quieted down I got to playing air hockey against her, and telling stories and jokes. I've never felt like such a fool in my entire life.
Here's what was going through my head the whole time:
Okay, I'll tell her a funny anecdote and woo her with my wit and charm...Crap! I just came off sounding like a douche. What do I do now? Okay, take deep breaths and regroup, ask her about something to get the conversation going again...No! Why did you ask such a stupid question? She's either going to think you're mentally challenged or evil and manipulative...Oh good, she wants to play air hockey. I'll pay to make myself look generous...Holy shit, this girl rocks at air hockey! Oh yay! She's giving me a pity hug! WOOO!
So the tally of the evening is that I got two pity hugs because I lost twice at air hockey, and I made my self look like an idiot (at least I think I made myself look like an idiot).
I've never been so obsessed with a person. I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking about her. Today I knew I might see her at a swim team meeting, and I was bouncing off the walls for half the day trying to think of something to say the next time I saw her.
Its so amazingly fun to have a crush though. Even though I spend all the time worrying about what I'll do the next time I see her, its just so awesome. I don't want this fun, bubbly, full, happy feeling to go away, and when I look back to when I didn't have this feeling, things just seem emptier. So this is what a grown-up crush is like. I like it.
But there is a dark side to this. She's a Junior and I'm a Freshman. I know I probably shouldn't be weirded out about this because my dad was 3 years older than my mom, but it seems like a huge difference to me. I was under the impression that she's a Sophomore, as I lost to her in air hockey the second time, and geared up for Pity Hug #2, when some little kid asked her how old she is and she said she's a Junior. Its okay though, I can live with this.
Then I met SJ.
SJ is either gay or she really likes rainbows. I didn't really talk to her much until last night when we were both working at a fundraiser for the swim team. When things quieted down I got to playing air hockey against her, and telling stories and jokes. I've never felt like such a fool in my entire life.
Here's what was going through my head the whole time:
Okay, I'll tell her a funny anecdote and woo her with my wit and charm...Crap! I just came off sounding like a douche. What do I do now? Okay, take deep breaths and regroup, ask her about something to get the conversation going again...No! Why did you ask such a stupid question? She's either going to think you're mentally challenged or evil and manipulative...Oh good, she wants to play air hockey. I'll pay to make myself look generous...Holy shit, this girl rocks at air hockey! Oh yay! She's giving me a pity hug! WOOO!
So the tally of the evening is that I got two pity hugs because I lost twice at air hockey, and I made my self look like an idiot (at least I think I made myself look like an idiot).
I've never been so obsessed with a person. I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking about her. Today I knew I might see her at a swim team meeting, and I was bouncing off the walls for half the day trying to think of something to say the next time I saw her.
Its so amazingly fun to have a crush though. Even though I spend all the time worrying about what I'll do the next time I see her, its just so awesome. I don't want this fun, bubbly, full, happy feeling to go away, and when I look back to when I didn't have this feeling, things just seem emptier. So this is what a grown-up crush is like. I like it.
But there is a dark side to this. She's a Junior and I'm a Freshman. I know I probably shouldn't be weirded out about this because my dad was 3 years older than my mom, but it seems like a huge difference to me. I was under the impression that she's a Sophomore, as I lost to her in air hockey the second time, and geared up for Pity Hug #2, when some little kid asked her how old she is and she said she's a Junior. Its okay though, I can live with this.