Which one of us would be the foolish one?
I need some understanding. Sometimes life makes me so dizzy. Like the world is spinning at a much faster pace. Like gravity is losing it's touch. Like time is flying just way too fast.
Sleep has started its unhealthy, unsteady patterns again, and I don't like it. My eyes are darker, and my mind is heavier, and you'd think with all the time I lie awake thinking, I'd have some things sorted out, but it seems the more I think, the more progress I lose.
I find myself talking less and less, and I'd like to think it's only been recently, but the fact of the matter is it's being going this way for some time. I'll talk about serious things, if brought up, but I rarely bring up things that matter to me. Things that bother me. Things that scare me.
I am afraid.
I'm so afraid, and really I think it makes sense why. You can't come from a life you had to put together piece by piece, a life you had to fight for, a life that literally tried to rip you apart, and not be afraid of it happening again right when everything seems it's best... I mean, afterall, that is always the times it fell apart in the past.
I hate talking about things bothering me anymore. It used to be I wanted to talk about it, and now I just don't. Maybe because now I can't explain WHY I feel this way. Without reason. I just sound like a fucking complainer. A whiner. Nothing is wrong in life. Things are good. I'm working. I have a place to live. I'm in a healthy relationship. I'm with the person I've loved since I was 16. I'm with the only person I ever really loved full heartedly, but I don't feel okay. My life is fine, except I feel like I'm missing from it. I don't know where I went.
It seems along with all my moving, all my changing, all my progress, I forgot what made me tick. I was talking to a really good friend of mine, "i really dont ... i dont know myself at all. i dont know my favorite song, or my favorite color, or what i like to do for fun. I dont know my favorite kind of food, or my favorite movie." That's the most honest I can be. Somewhere I along the way I lost myself amoung answers, but never really thinking of the truth. I lost who I was under hair color and mascara, and I don't even wear any of it anymore. Somewhere I just disappeared, and I don't know how the fuck to find Trish again.
Sleep has started its unhealthy, unsteady patterns again, and I don't like it. My eyes are darker, and my mind is heavier, and you'd think with all the time I lie awake thinking, I'd have some things sorted out, but it seems the more I think, the more progress I lose.
I find myself talking less and less, and I'd like to think it's only been recently, but the fact of the matter is it's being going this way for some time. I'll talk about serious things, if brought up, but I rarely bring up things that matter to me. Things that bother me. Things that scare me.
I am afraid.
I'm so afraid, and really I think it makes sense why. You can't come from a life you had to put together piece by piece, a life you had to fight for, a life that literally tried to rip you apart, and not be afraid of it happening again right when everything seems it's best... I mean, afterall, that is always the times it fell apart in the past.
I hate talking about things bothering me anymore. It used to be I wanted to talk about it, and now I just don't. Maybe because now I can't explain WHY I feel this way. Without reason. I just sound like a fucking complainer. A whiner. Nothing is wrong in life. Things are good. I'm working. I have a place to live. I'm in a healthy relationship. I'm with the person I've loved since I was 16. I'm with the only person I ever really loved full heartedly, but I don't feel okay. My life is fine, except I feel like I'm missing from it. I don't know where I went.
It seems along with all my moving, all my changing, all my progress, I forgot what made me tick. I was talking to a really good friend of mine, "i really dont ... i dont know myself at all. i dont know my favorite song, or my favorite color, or what i like to do for fun. I dont know my favorite kind of food, or my favorite movie." That's the most honest I can be. Somewhere I along the way I lost myself amoung answers, but never really thinking of the truth. I lost who I was under hair color and mascara, and I don't even wear any of it anymore. Somewhere I just disappeared, and I don't know how the fuck to find Trish again.