An Airing of Grievances, With Apologies to She Who Heard Most of This Last Night
So I'm back to being depressed. And last night I went to the Mineralogical society to hear Delaney present her winning Science Fair project, and she never got to present. And we had to sit through all their goddamned old and new business. Which strikes me as mind numbingly inconsiderate. Then I went to the mall. Which I hate. Got what I needed to, and discovered my wallet was at home. Now I have to go back. I got home, took a bath, the water was too hot. I burned my feet. Then I (I don't know why-- in mourning of my sexuality?) shaved my pubic hair WAY too close. Which hurts like a motherfucking bitch. Think razor burn plus itch itch itchy. And I feel pretty sure that there will be 4 people at my birthday party total. Don't try to disabuse me of this notion-- I feel sure. No body likes me Every body hates me, I'm gonna go eat worms. And I feel so incredibly ugly. There are no words for how ugly I feel. I got a sty earlier this week, so I've just been wearing glasses and no eye makeup, and fuck drawing on any inner beauty, that well is dry dry dry. I feel like a burnt out lightbulb, slightly singed, filament dangling. And ugly. An ugly, burnt out lightbulb. The only that will be good about tomorrow is my cleavage. I will have cleavage. And cake. My last three birthdays have been miserable. Last year, Mark walked out on our St. Patrick's date the night before my party, due to my whorish clothing. O, Jezebel! Why didn't I dump him? Instead of letting him ruin my party, silently sulking in the background, and then leaving without saying goodbye? The year before, I was with Charley. Kindof. We had, of course, fought earlier the day of the party, and I was miserable. The year before, I had just met Charley, so I guess I was in an okay space. The year before, I was at fucking Greg's house, having this awkward fucking horrible dinner, just the two of us and Tracey. And this year-- an itchy crotch, a sty, newly dumped. And wholly despising of myself for putting so much fucking emphasis on the men in my life.