(no subject)
i wish that i had more uplifting days recently.
this past year has probably been the worst year of my life, from brandi to zeno to school to well, everything that's happened, not a whole lot has been overwhelmingly positive, probably the opposite.
i didn't ever say it here, but spencer died as a result of what happened, and this was a week ago saturday. afterwards (and still) i've just not known what to do with myself. it's like everything finally hit a point and i've just kind of shut down. i've had a headache that still hasn't gone away, i've gotten physically ill from it, more than once. none of this god damn shit makes sense. obviously life isn't supposed to make sense, but i wish that sooner or later that something in my life finally would for more than a week at a time.
so basically i feel like exploding.
i came home saturday for the first time i think this has all happened and i can't decide if its been worse or better. i guess it's been nice to talk to my parents about everything. but i just don't know what i'm going to do. i'm already behind 2 weeks in all my classes since all this has happened and honestly it seems like what might be best for me right now might be to drop this semester and start again next time. i dont know if i feel like im just being some kind of stupid person or what, i dont know how any of this is going to work out. i wish i had a time machine.
this past year has probably been the worst year of my life, from brandi to zeno to school to well, everything that's happened, not a whole lot has been overwhelmingly positive, probably the opposite.
i didn't ever say it here, but spencer died as a result of what happened, and this was a week ago saturday. afterwards (and still) i've just not known what to do with myself. it's like everything finally hit a point and i've just kind of shut down. i've had a headache that still hasn't gone away, i've gotten physically ill from it, more than once. none of this god damn shit makes sense. obviously life isn't supposed to make sense, but i wish that sooner or later that something in my life finally would for more than a week at a time.
so basically i feel like exploding.
i came home saturday for the first time i think this has all happened and i can't decide if its been worse or better. i guess it's been nice to talk to my parents about everything. but i just don't know what i'm going to do. i'm already behind 2 weeks in all my classes since all this has happened and honestly it seems like what might be best for me right now might be to drop this semester and start again next time. i dont know if i feel like im just being some kind of stupid person or what, i dont know how any of this is going to work out. i wish i had a time machine.