hmmm...
I've been thinking lately on what to put in here. I was going to go with habits and likenesses that I have got from other women I have dated. Then I was going to go with the weird dreams that I have had lately. But nothing seemed to have popped out at me that I passionately wanted to write about like I have in my past entries. I feel kind of bad not writing in the past couple of weeks but I just haven't felt the urge like I used to have. I fall into this same trap with my Twitter and Facebook. With twitter I really never feel the urge to update it and when I do I always feel that its just nonsense and no one matters. With facebook its just a little bit different. I'll update and not really care but I feel I could be updating more than I should on FB.
It's quite weird honestly. I do consider myself an open book (Which is mostly why I never lock any entries except for 4 currently) and will generally answer any question I am asked. I almost always will tell the truth and try not to deceive whomever I am answering. I really wish I knew how to ask question to people who I am trying to get to know better and on the inverse I wish people would ask me more questions to get to know me better.
I'm also trying to get away from being the whore I used to be. While random hookups might eventually lead to something, I just don't really think I should do it anymore...Or at least without some more thought than I used to do. I've been exercising that train of thought a lot better recently. I would try to get all sweet on a girl in hopes of a hookup but then I realize what I would be getting myself into and then tell myself that it definitely was a good idea that I never pursued it any further. It really saved me a lot heartache and potential bullshit.
I think to wrap this up I think I have to really admit that I have gotten better at letting things be and not pressing the issue. It has been a little hard in my current situation but I think the amount of pushing I could have been doing. I mean I am pushing very little (In my opinion) but I don't really know on how hard to push or does it really matter anymore. My heart says push more but my brain says I push too hard it will be worth more trouble than its worth. And honestly I just want to converse and just have an open communication. But I kinda ruined that when I did my initial blow-up/reaction. I just wish second chances came to me easier than I give them to other people ♥
It's quite weird honestly. I do consider myself an open book (Which is mostly why I never lock any entries except for 4 currently) and will generally answer any question I am asked. I almost always will tell the truth and try not to deceive whomever I am answering. I really wish I knew how to ask question to people who I am trying to get to know better and on the inverse I wish people would ask me more questions to get to know me better.
I'm also trying to get away from being the whore I used to be. While random hookups might eventually lead to something, I just don't really think I should do it anymore...Or at least without some more thought than I used to do. I've been exercising that train of thought a lot better recently. I would try to get all sweet on a girl in hopes of a hookup but then I realize what I would be getting myself into and then tell myself that it definitely was a good idea that I never pursued it any further. It really saved me a lot heartache and potential bullshit.
I think to wrap this up I think I have to really admit that I have gotten better at letting things be and not pressing the issue. It has been a little hard in my current situation but I think the amount of pushing I could have been doing. I mean I am pushing very little (In my opinion) but I don't really know on how hard to push or does it really matter anymore. My heart says push more but my brain says I push too hard it will be worth more trouble than its worth. And honestly I just want to converse and just have an open communication. But I kinda ruined that when I did my initial blow-up/reaction. I just wish second chances came to me easier than I give them to other people ♥