finally
Tuesday 28th, I was up at four. well I couldn't sleep. I rang the hospital at five anf there was a bed. Gave my neighbour my key so he could feed the animals and took the taxi to the hospital.
Although I was booked in for 7am, so it seems were most of the other patients. I was first in to an empty waiting room on the ward but joint last to be called to a bed at 8.30am. I soon found my operation was not scheduled until after noon so the drs allowed me a drink of water up to 10.30am.
I had bought with me a book which I had been saving for the stay in hospital so I started reading it. If any of you have read it you will know why it wasn't the best choice considering . (Joe Abercrombie - Best Served Cold - a really good book, lots of black humour.)
I'm a coward when it comes to anything concerning pain or surgical proceedures. when it came time for me to wander into the anaesthetics room I was having to concentrate very hard on keeping it together.
I think I was given to the apprentice as a practice piece. He was young and far too bright and breezy. He grinned too much. The master was on hand to supervise I realised. Apprentice tried left elbow joint and couldn't find a vein. Abandonned that and tried back of left hand. His second stab made me gasp.
"Oops" he says "I missed with that"
"Yes" I said "I felt that in my knuckle, so I think you got the tendon"
"Ha, yes, I think I did."
The master took over and got into a vein in the right elbow joint. This was preliminary. The main anaesthetic was to be epidural so my back was bared and I was given a pillow to lean over.
"I'm going to spray with antiseptic now, it will be very cold." said the master. He sprayed and it was VERY cold so I flinched a bit.
"Most people jump off the table at that" he said.
"I'm practising self control", I said.
"Ah, mind over matter", he said. More spray.
I know what an epidural entails and I have always avoided them when offered in the past. Needles in the spine is not something I would naturally be inclined towards.This time there was no choice. It was handled by the master who gave a partial comentary on what he was doing and was impressed that I could stretch a section of spine to open up the vertebrae. What he couldn't know was that all my energy was being channelled into remaining as calm and relaxed as possible and that, focused concentration such as that, enabled me to do it. You have to keep your mind focussed on small things to blot out the fear.
I was lifted round to lie flat and wait for the numbness. Apptrentice returned to the elbow joint.
"I think you've been reading the voodoo manual wrong" I said "It's the doll you stick with pins, not the victim"
He smiled.
"When we're sure you are properly numb below the waist, we'll give you something in here to make you drowsy".
Thats the point at which alarmbells rang and focussed concentration went out the window.
"I will be comepletely out during the operation wont I?" said I stiffening whatever was left to my control.
"You'll be very sleepy, you may feel them moving you a..."
"You'll be completely out", his masters voice.
"You may be awa.."
"She'll be comepletely out." Not a statement, an order from the master.
With no feeling in my legs and an oxgen mask over my face I informed the master he had managed to subject me to just about all my worst fears in one shot. Then I relaxed into oblivion.