What Day Is It?
With the world evolving and changing, in which it feels like it is changing every minute, I cannot gasp the concept of what day it is. Since March, everything has been blending together. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. I don't know, some days are really good and active and wonderful. Then there are days like today, where I just feel stuck or numb or unsure of life itself.
Lately, I have these glimpses of great thoughts or story ideas but I never take that extra moment to write it down. So then it just simply floats away from my mind, never to be thought of again. Which is quite a shame, since I used to enjoy writing. Now, I just don't. Like most things I enjoy, I feel like the only thing that I am still enjoying is reading. I used to free style drawing or painting, I don't do that anymore. I used to write, well a lot! This journal is any indication, you can just look at my older entries to see what I mean. I had this for well over a decade. Probably even longer. But alas, I don't update as much as I used to.
Granted back then I was in my twenties, still living at home and with no kids of my own. But in reality, my almost three year old and my five year old are pretty self-sufficient that they do not need my attention like when they were much younger. So now I'm in that limbo of what is there for me? I am reading so much more than I ever had before, I'm about to be finished with my 40th book this year and we aren't even in August yet. I have finally come around to audiobooks. That has helped immensely with doing chores around the house. It makes them more enjoyable and more "me time," as much as chores around the house could be considered that.
I don't have anywhere to go, nor would I want to? I am such a homebody. I love being at home, I love making this place even more homey and just wonderful and my content and peaceful place. And of course, I really do not have friends. At least not that one friend that I feel like I could rant and rave to, someone to listen. Everybody has their own busy lives, why would they want to be one more thing on their list? This time with having a family and husband is an interesting journey to say the least. I don't know but it makes having friendships immensely harder and difficult to maintain at the moment. At least that's what I'm going with right now on the why I don't have friends.
Then there is my marriage. We do not have fight a terribly a lot. Our kids aren't attuned to mom and dad fighting all the time. It only happens when patience and annoyance coincide with each other. We have been around each other 24 hours of day for the past 5 months or so. But I think because of that, we are not making ourselves our own priority through all of this. We are just maintaining and living day in and day out. He works all day, I take care of the kids and the house. We have dinner, he may have outside stuff to do and then before you know it, it's bedtime for the boys and then he does his thing and I do mine. We do not have much in common. Which isn't a terribly thing but right now we just exist. We have done the date nights back when you could go out to eat and not be fearful of well life. We also tried the date night in boxes, which we still have like 10 of them to still go through. So I don't know. But I do pray. I pray for him to open his heart back to God, because as a result of the many changes of this virus, he has stopped looking to God for everything instead he replaced it with mobile games or video games. It becomes a thing of contention whenever I would bring up his usage of being on his phone when he is around me or the kids. I know I'm not the best example either at times. I get that. I also would contribute that him being on his phone is just the same as me reading a book too. It's just a different way of distraction. I just am not sure what I can do to help or talk to him about it without a fight possibly happening.
So, nevertheless, today is Wednesday. I had to look at my phone to realize the day. It feels more like Thursday. But I guess when you have no future plans, you really do not need to know the day, necessarily. Oh well. Moving on to reading more of my book to keep me occupied with my day.