Frustration
I am truly frustrated. There is no better word to describe it than that. I am just not happy at all. When they first announced that I was moving to another team, I was beyond excited. It was much needed and couldn't have come at a better time. I was growing tired of my micro-managing boss who seem to treat me depending on her mood and how people were treating her. Here was my time to shine. So it's been almost two months in this new team with the same role and I am starting to have my doubts. I am starting to worry if they really mean to keep it long-term in this role. There have been a few red flags that I have seen that makes me questioned my security in this position. My new manager isn't really familiar with what I do and the tools that I use. Nor has she even tried to learn what I do. Instead she wants me to train someone else to be my back-up. Okay, sure that makes sense but do I really feel comfortable with someone making decision on behalf of me if she doesn't understand the importance of what I do and how I do it? In addition to that, this morning we had a meeting pertaining to an area that directly impacts me with some members of another team. When they asked if I would be the lead point on this initiative, my manager said that her team will take care of it. Does that include me? I am not so sure. Yet she is always telling me to not be defensive and to talk slowly and she likes to check grammar. Can I please have some confidence? I go from one manager who doesn't believe in me to another who doesn't seem to care to believe in me when she already has a well-oiled machine of the existing team under her. I just am not so sure anymore.
Not only is work frustrating me but so is real life. We have our annual BBQ coming up this Saturday. Mind I also add that it was known since almost a year ago, where I foolishly told me months and months ago and also sent out a silly Facebook Invite. Yet, here we are a few days ahead and I'm still grabbing teeth to get a response from some folks. I mean, really? I have learned alot this year, not only through the wedding but just about people in general. They selfish and lazy. I have gotten three declines today alone from people who swear they were going to be there. Sure, I understand if something bad or important came up, but was it actually that? Oh no, of course. My uncle was the worst about it. He was planning on coming until I get a text yesterday stating that he can't leave his dog alone, even though we never minded him to bring her and she came last time. Really? You are not going to come because of a dog? I can say that because I have two dogs. I just think that's horrible. Come to find out that the real reason is that they don't want to drive out here. This is the guy who refuses to drive on any highway, so last year when they came, it took them 3 hours to get here, when it should have taken them one hour. Then you just have the folks who simply do not respond at all to the invite. It's not difficult to say no, I don't even need a reason. Just freaking respond already. From planning the wedding, bachelorette party and now this, I'm so done with parties. I really wanted to have a 30th birthday party but not I'm not sure. I guess I'm not worth anybody's time and since I'm so sick of being disappointed, I refused to be disappointed on my birthday. I had enough disappointments for the year. From his family not willing to come down multiple times to "friends," or lack of. I just so over trying to hope and pray that people will come to a BBQ or party or whatever the case may be. People are selfish when I have been there for them and willing to go up there without complaints, yet it's okay for them to do that? I don't think so.
So the last few weeks have been crappy. All I want to do is just curl up and cry. My husband does not understand at all. He is the happy-go-lucky, never gets disappointed or have any expectations. It must be nice.
I just wish I had that kind of confidence but when it has been happening all my life (no, seriously, it has), I just want to give up. :(
Not only is work frustrating me but so is real life. We have our annual BBQ coming up this Saturday. Mind I also add that it was known since almost a year ago, where I foolishly told me months and months ago and also sent out a silly Facebook Invite. Yet, here we are a few days ahead and I'm still grabbing teeth to get a response from some folks. I mean, really? I have learned alot this year, not only through the wedding but just about people in general. They selfish and lazy. I have gotten three declines today alone from people who swear they were going to be there. Sure, I understand if something bad or important came up, but was it actually that? Oh no, of course. My uncle was the worst about it. He was planning on coming until I get a text yesterday stating that he can't leave his dog alone, even though we never minded him to bring her and she came last time. Really? You are not going to come because of a dog? I can say that because I have two dogs. I just think that's horrible. Come to find out that the real reason is that they don't want to drive out here. This is the guy who refuses to drive on any highway, so last year when they came, it took them 3 hours to get here, when it should have taken them one hour. Then you just have the folks who simply do not respond at all to the invite. It's not difficult to say no, I don't even need a reason. Just freaking respond already. From planning the wedding, bachelorette party and now this, I'm so done with parties. I really wanted to have a 30th birthday party but not I'm not sure. I guess I'm not worth anybody's time and since I'm so sick of being disappointed, I refused to be disappointed on my birthday. I had enough disappointments for the year. From his family not willing to come down multiple times to "friends," or lack of. I just so over trying to hope and pray that people will come to a BBQ or party or whatever the case may be. People are selfish when I have been there for them and willing to go up there without complaints, yet it's okay for them to do that? I don't think so.
So the last few weeks have been crappy. All I want to do is just curl up and cry. My husband does not understand at all. He is the happy-go-lucky, never gets disappointed or have any expectations. It must be nice.
I just wish I had that kind of confidence but when it has been happening all my life (no, seriously, it has), I just want to give up. :(