Happiness
Recently, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Coming from me, this may seem strange - those who know me, in real life and on the Internet, know a bubbly, upbeat and enthusiastic person. One Internet friend, Baily, said something along the lines of: "I like how you can get thrown on to the ground, pick yourself up and then come running back screaming 'I fell, but look what I found while I was down there!'"
The thing is that, even though I have struggled with depression for most of my life, I am a positive person. That's why, I think, it was only truly diagnosed now. I can't help but be enthusiastic and upbeat. It's just how I am. In spite of any disorders I have, I'm too happy to give up. In spite of being clinically depressed, I refuse to let it run my life. Partly, I think, because PTSD runs my life to such an extreme, and I don't want anything else to do that to me. But also because... I'm just too obsessed with life.
One day, I'll make a post about how to stay positive. It's one of my biggest values. But for now, here is someone else's guide to happiness - which has inspired me today.
Top 10 Things That Determine Happiness
Happiness is, by nature, a subjective quality with a definition like a moving target. There is scant evidence - qualitative or quantitative - to lend convincing support to those life variables most critical in determining individual happiness, which is likely why past researchers committed to the scientific method rarely tried to tackle the subject.
This is changing. Take, for example, the World Database of Happiness in Rotterdam, self-described as a, “continuous register of scientific research on subjective appreciation of life.” Also, take the positive psychologists, a movement whose “members” perform scientific research into the nature of happiness and who published Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification, an 800-page behemoth that outlines all the characteristics, behaviors and conditions that lead to happiness.
While we’re not entirely convinced of this marriage between science and subjectivity, we can still offer up a top 10 of things that determine human happiness, as supported by this growing body of research.
No.10 - Having a short memory
Are you one to hold grudges? Do you need the jaws of life to pry forgiveness out of you? Well, don’t expect these attributes to contribute to your happiness or to your overall health for that matter. This ability to forgive and forget, to go with the flow, is frequently cited by researchers of centenarians as being a key factor in their ability to live to see their 100th birthday.
No.9 - Exacting fairness
According to a recently published study in the prestigious journal Nature, people derive more happiness from scenarios and situations that result in a perceived fairness for everyone involved, even when this fairness goes against self-interest or comes at some personal cost. In short, researchers at Rutgers found that the reward centers in the brain light up in situations in which people are treated equally.
No.8 - Having lots of friendships
Extroverts are happier than introverts and they live longer lives, in part because they can spend time in the company of friends and family or they can spend time alone, according to happiness researcher Ed Diener. Like letting go of grudges and going with the flow, being extroverted and having a wide social circle is a major factor in whether someone considers themselves happy or not, as well as an often-cited reason to explain how some people live to be 100 or older. At any rate, it’s a reason to justify spending a little time at work on social networking sites.
No.7 - Being spiritual
The results of a collaborative, multinational study that involved over 166,000 people showed a clear correlation between a person’s “strength of religious affiliation and frequency of attendance at worship services” and their self-reported levels of happiness and satisfaction with their lives. How is this correlation explained? Researchers postulate that this increased involvement in a spiritual circle means more friends, a wider support network and a higher degree of hopefulness.
No.6 - Thinking ahead
In his book Stumbling on Happiness, Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert argues that happiness is derived from the ability to accurately project what will in the future make us happy - not those things that actually do. He notes that we are the only species that truly considers the future, and this ability to think ahead and to imagine the future is “the defining aspect of our humanity.”
According to Gilbert, studies support the idea that we enjoy thinking into the future because more often than not, it’s something of a daydream, and in daydreams we are at our most successful. Furthermore, because imagining the future and what actually happens in that future are often at odds, many people derive far more happiness from the anticipation of a future event than the actual event.
No.5 - Developing a skill
According to psychology professor Dr. Timothy A. Pychyl, the route to happiness is simple enough, “Live it, don’t buy it.” This is especially relevant in the modern world, where instant gratification can be purchased - but only to a point, before it hits a wall.
He quotes a professional base jumper, who says, “You’ve got to have the passion to do your time. If you haven’t done the time, you just can’t get there.” He goes on to argue that only by paying one’s dues through time, effort, devotion, and experience can we, “develop the rich experiences that make life meaningful.”
No.4 - Having personal control over one’s life
Where might you find unhappy people with low morale? Those places where people no longer feel in personal control of their lives, whether it’s a nursing home or a prison, because control equates to happiness. In his book Satisfaction, Emory University psychiatrist Gregory Berns makes the point by distinguishing between pleasure and satisfaction, “While you might find pleasure by happenstance, satisfaction can arise only by the conscious decision to do something. And this makes all the difference in the world, because it is only your own actions for which you may take responsibility and credit.”
No.3 - Defining success
There’s a saying that no matter how talented or successful you think you are, there’s always someone who’s got a leg up on you. People who compare themselves against those people will always come out the loser, even when the comparison is neither appropriate nor consequential. A skilled dentist with a thriving practice can’t reasonably compare his level of success to Robert De Niro and expect to feel good. If he made comparisons within his own peer group or against his own expectations, however, he’ll not only come out more favorably, but he’ll be happier too.
As Gallup psychologist Shane Lopez explained to Psychology Today writer Abby Ellin, “Self-referential people see themselves as the marker. They care about their own performance, not how they measure up compared to that guy over there…. The only competitor is the self.”
No.2 - Good genes
According to “The Science of Lasting Happiness,” an article by Marina Krakovsky published by Scientific American in 2007, “studies of twins and adoptees have shown that about 50% of each person’s happiness is determined from birth”, what’s loosely termed as a “genetic set point.” The weight of this variable on determining our happiness is supported by hedonic adaptation; according to this theory, even if we win the lottery, within a year or so of coming into this kind of material good fortune, we adapt to it and revert back to whatever level of happiness we were at before.
No.1 - Liking yourself
Liking oneself is arguably the principal characteristic of happy people. It’s been revealed in study after study after study: happy people like themselves. They think they’re pretty great people. They have high self-esteem, meaning they think highly of their own intelligence, they consider themselves to have strong ethical standards and to have far fewer prejudices than others.
Top 10: Things That Determine Happiness provided by AskMen.com.
And, of course...
Having A Short Memory - In my life, I have taken this part to dangerous extremes. Because of my intense need to be happy and stay happy, and because of the trauma I have experienced and my PTSD, I began to dissociate from situations that were emotionally upsetting (or, more to the point, traumatic). This is the part that I'm least experienced with, because I've never truly learned to forgive and forget. So, this is the part that identify with the least.
Exacting Fairness - I'm not always the fairest person. But I appreciate fairness, especially if it takes attention away from me. I look up to those who can show that kind of sense of honour. I find fairness, ultimately, in how I deal with relationships - the only true friends that I have are the ones who I would die for, and who would mutually die for me. Who I would forgive, and who would forgive me. Who I love, and who love me. You have as much of a right to be treated with respect as the other person, and only your truest friends will do that.
Having Lots of Friendships - If there's one part of my life that I place the most importance on, it's relationships. I'm not the best at maintaining them, because I get distracted by newer relationships, but I always go back to people, even if it's been a while. There's nothing like loving and being loved, and you shouldn't let your relationships just wither and die out. But, again, it should be based on mutual respect - don't settle for giving your life to people who don't respect you.
Being Spiritual - I used to be very spiritual. Right now, I'm not, because I find that spirituality is best when you can celebrate it and express it with joy, which I can't find it in me to do. My spirituality is earth-based, and I don't believe in a specific deity or God - I believe in the trees, the rocks, the soil, and connection. I guess my spirituality is people-based, too, come to think of it...
Thinking Ahead - I have a bad sense of the future. I never really plan ahead. But I agree with what's said in the article.
Developing A Skill - This one was proven to me by my piano and singing teacher, Lauraine. She says that, at this point in my life, what I need most are little successes - like learning how to play a certain song properly, or hitting the right notes. And developing a skill can prove to be an excellent distraction from negative things.
Having Personal Control Over One's Life - Yes, I struggle with depression, and ADHD, and PTSD. Yes, my personality was completely shifted and destroyed from an abusive relationship. Yes, I have since given up on love and romance, on having a family or even having children. I avoid intimacy in all relationships because it's overwhelming. Being yelled at makes me dissociate. Emotional scenes in TV shows, movies or books gives me anxiety. I'm often overwhelmed by the emotions of those around me, because of empathy. But damnit, this is a part of me. And no matter how bad it is, no matter how overwhelming, I control it.
Defining Success - I didn't understand this one at all until the last line: "The only competitor is the self". To me, that rang a bell. I'm all about self-discovery. But something I sometimes overlook - something that many people overlook, I think - is self-improvement. The only person you are better or worse than is yourself.
Good Genes - I don't understand this part very well. Why have all of these good mental-picture topics and then this scientific one? XD I don't even get what they're saying here.
Liking Yourself - OK, even I'll admit that I can be reserved and self-conscious. But the more you improve yourself, the more you discover about yourself, the more you work on yourself, the more you will like and even love yourself. Remember, your depression doesn't control you - you control it.
The thing is that, even though I have struggled with depression for most of my life, I am a positive person. That's why, I think, it was only truly diagnosed now. I can't help but be enthusiastic and upbeat. It's just how I am. In spite of any disorders I have, I'm too happy to give up. In spite of being clinically depressed, I refuse to let it run my life. Partly, I think, because PTSD runs my life to such an extreme, and I don't want anything else to do that to me. But also because... I'm just too obsessed with life.
One day, I'll make a post about how to stay positive. It's one of my biggest values. But for now, here is someone else's guide to happiness - which has inspired me today.
Top 10 Things That Determine Happiness
Happiness is, by nature, a subjective quality with a definition like a moving target. There is scant evidence - qualitative or quantitative - to lend convincing support to those life variables most critical in determining individual happiness, which is likely why past researchers committed to the scientific method rarely tried to tackle the subject.
This is changing. Take, for example, the World Database of Happiness in Rotterdam, self-described as a, “continuous register of scientific research on subjective appreciation of life.” Also, take the positive psychologists, a movement whose “members” perform scientific research into the nature of happiness and who published Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification, an 800-page behemoth that outlines all the characteristics, behaviors and conditions that lead to happiness.
While we’re not entirely convinced of this marriage between science and subjectivity, we can still offer up a top 10 of things that determine human happiness, as supported by this growing body of research.
No.10 - Having a short memory
Are you one to hold grudges? Do you need the jaws of life to pry forgiveness out of you? Well, don’t expect these attributes to contribute to your happiness or to your overall health for that matter. This ability to forgive and forget, to go with the flow, is frequently cited by researchers of centenarians as being a key factor in their ability to live to see their 100th birthday.
No.9 - Exacting fairness
According to a recently published study in the prestigious journal Nature, people derive more happiness from scenarios and situations that result in a perceived fairness for everyone involved, even when this fairness goes against self-interest or comes at some personal cost. In short, researchers at Rutgers found that the reward centers in the brain light up in situations in which people are treated equally.
No.8 - Having lots of friendships
Extroverts are happier than introverts and they live longer lives, in part because they can spend time in the company of friends and family or they can spend time alone, according to happiness researcher Ed Diener. Like letting go of grudges and going with the flow, being extroverted and having a wide social circle is a major factor in whether someone considers themselves happy or not, as well as an often-cited reason to explain how some people live to be 100 or older. At any rate, it’s a reason to justify spending a little time at work on social networking sites.
No.7 - Being spiritual
The results of a collaborative, multinational study that involved over 166,000 people showed a clear correlation between a person’s “strength of religious affiliation and frequency of attendance at worship services” and their self-reported levels of happiness and satisfaction with their lives. How is this correlation explained? Researchers postulate that this increased involvement in a spiritual circle means more friends, a wider support network and a higher degree of hopefulness.
No.6 - Thinking ahead
In his book Stumbling on Happiness, Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert argues that happiness is derived from the ability to accurately project what will in the future make us happy - not those things that actually do. He notes that we are the only species that truly considers the future, and this ability to think ahead and to imagine the future is “the defining aspect of our humanity.”
According to Gilbert, studies support the idea that we enjoy thinking into the future because more often than not, it’s something of a daydream, and in daydreams we are at our most successful. Furthermore, because imagining the future and what actually happens in that future are often at odds, many people derive far more happiness from the anticipation of a future event than the actual event.
No.5 - Developing a skill
According to psychology professor Dr. Timothy A. Pychyl, the route to happiness is simple enough, “Live it, don’t buy it.” This is especially relevant in the modern world, where instant gratification can be purchased - but only to a point, before it hits a wall.
He quotes a professional base jumper, who says, “You’ve got to have the passion to do your time. If you haven’t done the time, you just can’t get there.” He goes on to argue that only by paying one’s dues through time, effort, devotion, and experience can we, “develop the rich experiences that make life meaningful.”
No.4 - Having personal control over one’s life
Where might you find unhappy people with low morale? Those places where people no longer feel in personal control of their lives, whether it’s a nursing home or a prison, because control equates to happiness. In his book Satisfaction, Emory University psychiatrist Gregory Berns makes the point by distinguishing between pleasure and satisfaction, “While you might find pleasure by happenstance, satisfaction can arise only by the conscious decision to do something. And this makes all the difference in the world, because it is only your own actions for which you may take responsibility and credit.”
No.3 - Defining success
There’s a saying that no matter how talented or successful you think you are, there’s always someone who’s got a leg up on you. People who compare themselves against those people will always come out the loser, even when the comparison is neither appropriate nor consequential. A skilled dentist with a thriving practice can’t reasonably compare his level of success to Robert De Niro and expect to feel good. If he made comparisons within his own peer group or against his own expectations, however, he’ll not only come out more favorably, but he’ll be happier too.
As Gallup psychologist Shane Lopez explained to Psychology Today writer Abby Ellin, “Self-referential people see themselves as the marker. They care about their own performance, not how they measure up compared to that guy over there…. The only competitor is the self.”
No.2 - Good genes
According to “The Science of Lasting Happiness,” an article by Marina Krakovsky published by Scientific American in 2007, “studies of twins and adoptees have shown that about 50% of each person’s happiness is determined from birth”, what’s loosely termed as a “genetic set point.” The weight of this variable on determining our happiness is supported by hedonic adaptation; according to this theory, even if we win the lottery, within a year or so of coming into this kind of material good fortune, we adapt to it and revert back to whatever level of happiness we were at before.
No.1 - Liking yourself
Liking oneself is arguably the principal characteristic of happy people. It’s been revealed in study after study after study: happy people like themselves. They think they’re pretty great people. They have high self-esteem, meaning they think highly of their own intelligence, they consider themselves to have strong ethical standards and to have far fewer prejudices than others.
Top 10: Things That Determine Happiness provided by AskMen.com.
And, of course...
Having A Short Memory - In my life, I have taken this part to dangerous extremes. Because of my intense need to be happy and stay happy, and because of the trauma I have experienced and my PTSD, I began to dissociate from situations that were emotionally upsetting (or, more to the point, traumatic). This is the part that I'm least experienced with, because I've never truly learned to forgive and forget. So, this is the part that identify with the least.
Exacting Fairness - I'm not always the fairest person. But I appreciate fairness, especially if it takes attention away from me. I look up to those who can show that kind of sense of honour. I find fairness, ultimately, in how I deal with relationships - the only true friends that I have are the ones who I would die for, and who would mutually die for me. Who I would forgive, and who would forgive me. Who I love, and who love me. You have as much of a right to be treated with respect as the other person, and only your truest friends will do that.
Having Lots of Friendships - If there's one part of my life that I place the most importance on, it's relationships. I'm not the best at maintaining them, because I get distracted by newer relationships, but I always go back to people, even if it's been a while. There's nothing like loving and being loved, and you shouldn't let your relationships just wither and die out. But, again, it should be based on mutual respect - don't settle for giving your life to people who don't respect you.
Being Spiritual - I used to be very spiritual. Right now, I'm not, because I find that spirituality is best when you can celebrate it and express it with joy, which I can't find it in me to do. My spirituality is earth-based, and I don't believe in a specific deity or God - I believe in the trees, the rocks, the soil, and connection. I guess my spirituality is people-based, too, come to think of it...
Thinking Ahead - I have a bad sense of the future. I never really plan ahead. But I agree with what's said in the article.
Developing A Skill - This one was proven to me by my piano and singing teacher, Lauraine. She says that, at this point in my life, what I need most are little successes - like learning how to play a certain song properly, or hitting the right notes. And developing a skill can prove to be an excellent distraction from negative things.
Having Personal Control Over One's Life - Yes, I struggle with depression, and ADHD, and PTSD. Yes, my personality was completely shifted and destroyed from an abusive relationship. Yes, I have since given up on love and romance, on having a family or even having children. I avoid intimacy in all relationships because it's overwhelming. Being yelled at makes me dissociate. Emotional scenes in TV shows, movies or books gives me anxiety. I'm often overwhelmed by the emotions of those around me, because of empathy. But damnit, this is a part of me. And no matter how bad it is, no matter how overwhelming, I control it.
Defining Success - I didn't understand this one at all until the last line: "The only competitor is the self". To me, that rang a bell. I'm all about self-discovery. But something I sometimes overlook - something that many people overlook, I think - is self-improvement. The only person you are better or worse than is yourself.
Good Genes - I don't understand this part very well. Why have all of these good mental-picture topics and then this scientific one? XD I don't even get what they're saying here.
Liking Yourself - OK, even I'll admit that I can be reserved and self-conscious. But the more you improve yourself, the more you discover about yourself, the more you work on yourself, the more you will like and even love yourself. Remember, your depression doesn't control you - you control it.