Voice Journal...
I must admit I am rather unimpressed by the lackluster quality of the
voice journal post option. I expected better. I really did.
Because of no obvious mention of the time limit imposed on voice recordings
(or any interactive warning indicating that the impending time limit is
about to be imposed), the first three voice postings which I attempted
were completed wasted due to the first voice post being cut off mid-sentence.
The female voice on the other end of the line then proceeded to hesitate,
and not inform me that I was talking to myself for approximately two
minutes. When I went to play back the message, I found myself cut off
far before the point where I thought I had been. Basically, I wasted three
of the five voice posts I get monthly because of stupid design flaws.
I suppose the easy solution to my problem is to go purchase a microphone
and record/encode my own posts and host them independently.
Honestly, my encounter with the insidious LiveJournal lady on the voice
post hotline is not suprising. She sounds extremely evil. Like a psychotic
murderer. When she says 'Good-bye' her tonal qualities assume a completely
unexpected and bone-chilling artificial happiness that grates on my ears
like a rasp file on bone. I expect her malevolent features to materialize
out of thin air in my room like a vision from Poltergeist, snatching me
from my chair and ripping me into fleshy ribbons.
My dismal experiences with recorded teleprompts are well-known amongst my
family members, and usually involve me getting into protracted profanity
exchanges with the voice recording in general.
The last time I called Bank-of-America for my checking account balance
was a typical example.
Teleprompt: "THANK YOU for calling Bank-of-America. *Random Spanish Gibberish*"
Me: "What the fuck was that shit! Don't talk about my mother like that!"
Teleprompt: "Please enter your zip-code. Followed by the pound sign."
The next couple of minutes involved me clumsily navigating the voice
option menu and dealing with idiotic backtracking.
Then:
Teleprompt: "I'm sorry. The information you have entered is invalid.
Please enter your pin number."
Me: "Shut the FUCK up and get me an operator."
Teleprompt: "I'm sorry. I don't understand. Please repeat the command."
Me: "OPERATER! OP-ER-AT-OR! ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT!"
Teleprompt: "If you wish to speak with an operator. Please say Operator now
or press 1."
Me: *Fuming and spouting incoherent psycho-babble* Punches 1 on the numpad.
Teleprompt: "Due to recent customer service issues, your conversation may
be recorded. According to the recently passed Telephone Privacy Act----"
Me: "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR STUPID PRIVACY ACT. OPERATOR.
NOW... DO IT... SHUT UP!"
Teleprompt: *momentary pause* "Transferring now." *elevator music*
voice journal post option. I expected better. I really did.
Because of no obvious mention of the time limit imposed on voice recordings
(or any interactive warning indicating that the impending time limit is
about to be imposed), the first three voice postings which I attempted
were completed wasted due to the first voice post being cut off mid-sentence.
The female voice on the other end of the line then proceeded to hesitate,
and not inform me that I was talking to myself for approximately two
minutes. When I went to play back the message, I found myself cut off
far before the point where I thought I had been. Basically, I wasted three
of the five voice posts I get monthly because of stupid design flaws.
I suppose the easy solution to my problem is to go purchase a microphone
and record/encode my own posts and host them independently.
Honestly, my encounter with the insidious LiveJournal lady on the voice
post hotline is not suprising. She sounds extremely evil. Like a psychotic
murderer. When she says 'Good-bye' her tonal qualities assume a completely
unexpected and bone-chilling artificial happiness that grates on my ears
like a rasp file on bone. I expect her malevolent features to materialize
out of thin air in my room like a vision from Poltergeist, snatching me
from my chair and ripping me into fleshy ribbons.
My dismal experiences with recorded teleprompts are well-known amongst my
family members, and usually involve me getting into protracted profanity
exchanges with the voice recording in general.
The last time I called Bank-of-America for my checking account balance
was a typical example.
Teleprompt: "THANK YOU for calling Bank-of-America. *Random Spanish Gibberish*"
Me: "What the fuck was that shit! Don't talk about my mother like that!"
Teleprompt: "Please enter your zip-code. Followed by the pound sign."
The next couple of minutes involved me clumsily navigating the voice
option menu and dealing with idiotic backtracking.
Then:
Teleprompt: "I'm sorry. The information you have entered is invalid.
Please enter your pin number."
Me: "Shut the FUCK up and get me an operator."
Teleprompt: "I'm sorry. I don't understand. Please repeat the command."
Me: "OPERATER! OP-ER-AT-OR! ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT!"
Teleprompt: "If you wish to speak with an operator. Please say Operator now
or press 1."
Me: *Fuming and spouting incoherent psycho-babble* Punches 1 on the numpad.
Teleprompt: "Due to recent customer service issues, your conversation may
be recorded. According to the recently passed Telephone Privacy Act----"
Me: "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR STUPID PRIVACY ACT. OPERATOR.
NOW... DO IT... SHUT UP!"
Teleprompt: *momentary pause* "Transferring now." *elevator music*